Accused Petit Murderer Joshua Komisarjevsky: 'I Lost Control' and 'Enjoyed It'

NEW HAVEN, Conn. Oct. 19, 2010— -- A confessed burglar said he "lost control" while beating Dr. William Petit with a bat before going on to murder Petit's wife and two daughters and admitted he started to "enjoy it," according to his journal entries read in court today.

The 43 pages written by Joshua Komisarjevsky were presented in the penalty phase of Steven Hayes' murder trial. Hayes was convicted of breaking into a Cheshire, Conn., home in 2007 and murdering Jennifer Hawke-Petit and her two daughters Hayley, 17, and Michaela, 11. The mother and one of the girl's was also raped.

Komisarjevsky, 30, will go on trial for the murders later.

A jury is now hearing evidence to determine whether Hayes, 47, should be executed. The judge allowed the letters and diary to be presented to help the jury determine the culpability of each man and their "relative evil."

Hayes' lawyers hope the diary will show the jury that Komisarjevsky was the ringleader on the night of the Petit murders and spare Hayes the death penalty.

"I'm not an angel," Komisarjevsky wrote. "I've never claimed to be. The scars on my soul have forever defined me as different than others."

Komisarjevsky said that he "resented" the implication that he raped Michaela and wrote that he had "spared her that degree of demoralization." Admitting that he did in fact sexually assault her, Komisarjevsky wrote, "In a vulgar display of power, I ejaculated onto her."

"As for why? It was the accumulation of years of pent up aggression," he wrote.

Komisarjevsky admits in the journal to taking photos of Michaela after the assault, images he wrote that he planned to use to blackmail her parents.

"What I was not prepared for was my demons getting the better of me," he wrote.

Hayley was the fighter of the family, according to Komisarjevsky, who claimed the father was "passive" toward saving his family.

"If you don't want to defend your family, then take your chances with the criminal while police sit outside and follow protocol," wrote Komisarjevsky.

"Hayley is a fighter. She continually tried time and time again to free herself," he wrote. "Michaela was calm. Mrs. Petit's courage was, is, to be respected. She could have stayed inside the bank where she was safe."

In a cruel twist, Komisarjevsky scoffed at William Petit's escape the night of the attack. The father was bound in the basement, got free and ran to a neighbor's house to call for help. Before help arrived the house was engulfed in flames.

"Mr. Petit is a coward, he ran away when he felt his own life was threatened," Komisarjevsky wrote. "Time and time again I gave him the chance to save his family."

William Petit, who has attended every day of the the court hearings, sat stoicly through the accusation.

Turning some of the blame on Hayes, Komisarjevsky wrote, "When Steve took the life of Mrs. Petit, he took it to a whole new level."

"I am what I am and make no excuses," he wrote. "I am a criminal with a criminal's mind, and my anticipated death sentence will be a sentence of mercy."

The composition notebooks that contained Komisarjevsky's writings were discovered by Rafael Medina, a detective for the Connecticut State Police, who testified that he was alerted in July 2008 that Komisarjevsky was corresponding with author Brian McDonald, who wrote "In the Middle of the Night: The Shocking True Story of a Family Killed in Cold Blood" about the Petit murders.

Four journals were seized from Komisarjevsky's prison cell. McDonald deposited $100 into Komisarjevsky's prison bank account at least three times and the two men exchanged as many as 11 letters.

In his journals Komisarjevsky claims that once he started beating Dr. Petit it "released a leash too hard to rein back in."

"I was faced with the shocking realization that in some respects, I enjoy it," he wrote. "They were experiencing what I experience every day."

Komisarjevsky appears to question his actions, writing, "I am not proud of the outcome of July 23."

The journals also depict a sense of regret by Komisarjevsky, who writes, "Michaela, angel of my nightmares. My pain to yours does not compare. How could I have turned my back walking out that door knowing your fear and sorrow?"

"Michaela, Haley, Jennifer - forgive me please," he writes. "I am damned, take my life."