Need an Excuse? Hire a Professional Alibi

March 22, 2007 — -- Deny, deny, deny -- that was the advice of reggae-rap artist Shaggy in his 2000 hit song "It Wasn't Me." It seems like the perfect cover.

Who stole my last soda? It wasn't me. Who dented the car? Not me. I saw you with another woman! Couldn't have been me then. It's so simple, right?

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for most of us, lying, whether it's little and white or a big fat one, is just not that easy. But now, thanks to a new Illinois-based company called the "Alibi Network" you no longer have to come up with your own excuse when the truth is not preferred.

For a low, guilt-ridden annual fee, they'll do the dirty work for you.

"We create perception and perpetuate for verification," said Mike DeMarco, marketing director for the Alibi Network. "In other words, we help people lie."

As outrageous as the Alibi Network sounds, it's not all that different from the work political spin doctors, celebrity publicists, entertainment lawyers and analysts get paid big bucks to do every day. Unlike Demarco's characterization, the agency's Web site is less brazen in its description of the company's work and states: "The Alibi Network is a cutting edge full service agency providing alibis and excused absences as well as assistance with a variety of sensitive issues. We view ourselves as professional advisers who understand our clients' unique situations."

Only a spineless, insecure, nefarious person would pay someone else to lie for them, right? Well, don't be so quick to judge. The stock market may be slumping and home sales may be down, but the lying business is thriving.

"Business is phenomenal," DeMarco said, adding that it fits the basic economic model for a successful business which he cites as the "necessary goods" such as "liquor, drugs, sex -- anything that's a vice."

For $75 a year, clients can order up any combination of lies, schemes and ruses to trick anyone from their spouse to their boss. The company's services run the gamut, from virtual hotel services and virtual employment to discreet shopping and custom alibis for affairs.