Working Wounded: Co-Worker Bossiness

July 7, 2006 — -- How do you deal with a coworker who acts like your boss?

Dear WORKING WOUNDED: I have a co-worker who is at the same level in the organization as I am. In fact, I've got more seniority. But he continues to boss me around. What can I do?

BOSS NOT

Dear NOT:I once took a commuter flight from New York to Boston. The person who took my ticket just before I boarded the plane seemed a bit more dressed up than usual. Imagine my surprise when the pilot welcomed us onboard and it was the same person who took my ticket. I spent most of the flight hoping it was a pilot who filled in as a ticket taker and not the other way around.

In most cases, the line between boss and employee isn't this blurred. So you've got to do what you can to reestablish who has the right to order you around and who doesn't. It's not an easy thing to do. I've included some strategies for you below. For more, check out "Jerks at Work" by Ken Lloyd (Career Press, 1999).

Can you stand up to them?

I once had a dog trainer explain to me that there were "alpha" dogs and "beta" dogs. Alpha dogs took command, while my poor beta dog would cower in the corner. It's no different at work. There are alpha employees who can sniff weakness and will try to take advantage of it every chance they can. You've got to learn how to be more assertive when you are working alongside these people and learn how to present your ideas more compellingly.

Can you learn from them?

This is the painful question. Often you can learn from a jerk. OK, maybe it's mostly what not to do, but the bottom line is that before you trash them, take a moment to see if there is merit to any of their ideas.

Can you get your boss to put them in their place?

This can help over the short term, but the problem is that the boss won't always be there to protect you. Eventually you'll have to deal with this person one on one. So even with your boss on your side, you'll need to learn how to pump up your assertiveness muscles.

Can you limit your interactions to when others are around?

Again, this is just a Band-Aid, but often people will be a bit less of a jerk when other people are around. Sure, there are jerks who aren't limited by who is around them, but often this can take just enough off the top that you might be able to interact successfully with them.

Can you avoid them?

There is merit to the 10-foot pole approach. You know, here is the 10-foot pole I'm going to put between me and this jerk. You might be able to avoid this person most of the time at work. The problem is that your nemesis will tend to pop up at the worst times, but this can save you a lot of pain, especially if your boss isn't in your corner.

Follow these tips and your bumpy flight at work should come to an end.

We'd like to hear your strategy for dealing with someone who acts like your boss. I'll give an autographed copy of "Working Wounded: Advice that adds insight to injury" (Warner, 2000) to the best submission. Send your entry, name and address via: http://workingwounded.com or via e-mail: bob@workingwounded.com. Entries must be received by Wednesday (July 12).

Online Ballot and ContestHere are the results from a recent workingwounded.com/ABCnews.com online ballot: What is the key to getting the right job?

- Looking within your network, 4.1 percent

- Looking within the marketplace, 12.5 percent

- Looking within yourself, 83.3 percent

Winning Strategy

Our winning strategy for getting the right job comes from E.P. in Philadelphia, Pa.

"I'm a huge believer in temp jobs. You're paid and you get to check out the place. I have gotten my last three long-term jobs that way. A bunch of my friends are unhappy at work, and I feel like it's a no-lose proposition, because I know what the place is all about before I commit to working there full-time. Temp jobs through agencies are the only way to go, if you ask me."

List of the WeekGetting balanced…How workers feel about work-life balance and their company- Employers support work-life balance, 53 percent

- Executives support work-life balance, 45 percent

- Company doesn't support work-life balance among employees, 10 percent

- Company doesn't support work-life balance among executives, 5 percent

From: OfficeTeam

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. His newest best-seller, "Gray Matters: The Workplace Survival Guide" (Wiley, 2004), is a business comic book that trades cynicism for solutions. Ask Bob a question: bob@workingwounded.com or http://graymattersbook.com.

ABCNEWS.com publishes a new Working Wounded column every Friday.