Tightrope: Don't take customers' insults personally
— -- Hi, Gladys,
I am a self-employed salesman. I can't help but to get upset after a long day of rejections. And my day can become even more distressing if I get a customer who is irate or says upsetting things. What can you suggest that I do to get beyond the bad behavior of customers?
Alan W.
When dealing with rejection or an irate customer, or anyone else that leaves you feeling depleted of energy and self confidence, don't take it personally.
During a phone conversation with my friend Janna, she told me about two incidents that left her feeling less than two inches tall.
The first occurred with Maxine, a customer at Janna's antique shop and a casual friend. Janna's husband and Maxine's husband are good friends and fraternity brothers who sponsored a fundraiser for a mutual friend running for public office. Maxine's husband volunteered their home for the event; Janna's husband volunteered her services as coordinator. The two men assumed the responsibility for developing the guest list.
Maxine's career as a physician kept her very busy. With that in mind, Janna went about making arrangements for invitations, catering and wait services.
The morning of the event, a very upset Maxine telephoned Janna and demanded to know exactly who had been invited to her home and what nerve Janna had to get involved with planning an event at her home without letting her review and approve the invitees.
Janna said the more she tried to explain that she had nothing to do with the guest list, the more irate Maxine became. It finally ended with her hanging up, leaving Janna in tears holding a silent phone to her ear.
The second incident occurred when a man refused to purchase an item in her shop and accused her of selling ordinary used furniture and calling it antiques. Again she became upset and defensive.
"Why," I asked, "are you taking all of this so personally?" Janna replied, "Because these attacks are directed at me. How else should I take it?"
I reminded her that the way to maintain balance is to become aware of when she is losing it. Taking every unpleasant comment to heart is a sure-fire way to lose balance.
There are times when a comment or complaint from a friend or customer can be viewed as a signal to alert you to beef up your customer service or modify your behavior. Other times it has nothing to do with you and your only fault is being present. To view every unpleasant comment as a personal attack is a self-centered view that can lead to unnecessary stress.
Maxine's misdirected anger is a good example of how difficult it is for some to tackle the real problems that they face in life. Who knows what was going on in Maxine's mind and heart at the time of the phone call?
As for the guy at the antiques shop, he is correct that antique furniture is in fact used furniture, except it's supposed to be very old and valuable. His comment is his opinion, and he is entitled to it; however, his opinion is not the final word in either used furniture or antiques.
As we walk the tightrope of both entrepreneurship and our private life, we have to find a balance that keeps us centered. Otherwise we will always find ourselves in self-centered chaos.
When you find yourself uptight with anxiety and stress because of what someone said, stop, listen and analyze what you've heard before reacting; it's not always an attack directed at you. You never know what is really going on in the lives and minds of others that make them lash out, so don't take it personally.
Gladys Edmunds' Entrepreneurial Tightrope column appears Wednesdays. Click here for an index of her columns. As a single, teen-age mom, Gladys made money doing laundry, cooking dinners for taxi drivers and selling fire extinguishers and Bibles door-to-door. Today, Edmunds is founder of Edmunds Travel Consultants in Pittsburgh and author of There's No Business Like Your Own Business, a six-step guide to success published by Viking. Her website is www.gladysedmunds.com. You can e-mail her at gladys@gladysedmunds.com.