Fridge Pigs, Carpet Skates, Other New Toys
Feb. 17, 2004 -- — Are Barbie and Ken the next J.Lo and Ben? America's favorite blonde and her boy-toy beau are breaking up and milking it for as much publicity as possible.
Barbie is reportedly fed up with Ken after dating for 43 years, and he's moved out of her soon-to-be-renamed Dream House. It's still anybody's guess if we're seeing the actions of "Fiercely Independent Barbie" or "Neurotic Biological Clock Ticking Barbie."
Spokesmen at Mattel insisted, in an actual press release, the two would "remain friends." The famous couple, who met while shooting a commercial in 1961, will continue working together — but expect tabloid reports to follow.
Is G.I. Joe a home wrecker? Perhaps Barbie has been playing around for years, and Ken lacked the guts — not to mention other anatomical parts — to walk away from the relationship. Oh, the tears behind a Malibu tan.
Sure, Barbie is just a plastic toy. But doesn't that describe a lot of celebrities these days? And doesn't she deserve some attention?
All we really know is that Mattel made this announcement in New York at the opening of the 101st American International Toy Fair, the annual convention where 40,000 playtime professionals gather to anoint the next Furby, Cabbage Patch Doll or Tickle Me Elmo.
Hello Kitty Gets Punky
These are tense times for toymakers. Last year, retail sales fell 3 percent, to $20.7 billion, amid the bankruptcies of FAO Schwarz and KB Toys. Wal-Mart is now the world's largest toy retailer in the world, and manufacturers are under ever-increasing pressure to discount their merchandise.
Barbie can hardly be blamed for playing her love life for a little publicity. Just a quick walk through the 1,500 Toy Fair exhibitions shows that some toys are getting attention-grabbing makeovers that would shock Janet Jackson and Christina Aguilera.
Next year, you'll see punked-out "Hello Kitty" dolls, complete with chains and corsets. You'll also see "Swear Bears" — Care Bears with attitude. Perhaps your toys don't need a makeover. Perhaps it's you. Get ready to play the home version of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I'm not sure how you play this new board game, but decorating your bachelor pad with Budweiser posters is always a bad move.
In the ultra-serious, highly competitive world of child's play, there are few sure things. Spider-Man, however, is one of them. Marvel Enterprises and Sony Pictures have earned more than $1 billion off the cartoon crime fighter. With a movie sequel coming in July, you'll see another wave of stuffed animals, video games and sleeping bags spinning into stores.
You'll also see a new improved "Web Blaster" — a glove that shoots a web just like Spidey — which proved to be one of last year's most popular toys.
More and more, the toy business is a game of licensing, and many of the characters are from SpongeBob SquarePants, Lord of the Rings and Shrek. Manufacturers are also betting heavy on Halle Berry's next movie, Catwoman.
Of course, many new toys aren't really new. They're the same knapsacks and pencil boxes with a new TV or movie character emblazoned on the side. In fact, one company is banking on a stuffed cat that sings the "Meow-Meow, Meow-Meow" cat food jingle.
Still, despite all the change, the toy industry is still a community of entrepreneurs who would otherwise be known as Santa's elves — and here are some of the strangest, most innovative products that may be coming to a toy store near you:
1. The Fridge Pigs:
Move over, Pet Rock. This year's must-have toy pet might be a snorting plastic pig that lives in your fridge and lets you leave pre-recorded messages for whoever opens the door, like "That's my rice pudding!"
The refrigerator door has always been the spot to leave reminders and to-do lists. But you can forget all that if you have a Fridge Pig. This 6-inch-tall figurine is especially useful for dieters. He'll stand guard over your food, deliver inspirational messages, and throw in a few pre-recorded snorts as a form of tough love.
2. The SpongeBob Shampoo Gun: You'll never re-invent the rubber ducky. But if you're looking to lure your rug rat into the tub, try this newfangled water gun that shoots shampoo. The SpongeBob SquarePants Sea Foam Sprayer is a great weapon in the war against bad kiddie hygiene.
You load the Foam Sprayer with no-tear baby shampoo, and aim the weapon at your child's greasy head. You can expect warfare to escalate when the tyke's body odor threatens to be classified as a weapon of mass destruction.
3. Frivolous Law Suits … And Other Games: Did you slip and fall in the driveway? Did you burn your tongue on last night's soup? Sue Mom! Sue Dad! A new board game — So Sue Me — turns the frivolous litigation into fun for the whole family.
If driving Grandpa into bankruptcy was the real pleasure of Monopoly, try forming a class action case against Grandma for her lousy pot roast. You can bluff, settle out of court, and hire your little sister as legal counsel. If you don't like this game, don't sue me. Sue the New York Game Factory, the manufacturer, which I'm sure has caused you millions of dollars of damages in the form of mental anguish
Board games — some for children, some for adults — are getting increasingly edgy. The game Hot Flashes promises "to take menopausal women on a laugh-filled learning experience." With playing cards like "Raging Hormones" and "Oh, You Wench!," players compete to be the first to enter "Hormone Free Haven."
If you're exceedingly worried about your child's fragile little psyche, however, perhaps you should be playing the Self-Esteem Game, "the game where everybody's a winner."
4. Talking Gift Bows:
The day is coming when everything you own will have a computer chip, even your gift wrapping. Thanks to Forever Ribbons, you can now record a 10-second message in a bow that you can keep forever.
Of course, less sentimental people might think of re-gifting the Forever Ribbon. Don't worry. You can set the personal message in a way that it can't be re-recorded, making this ribbon the tie that binds. 5. The Bicycle Water Cannon: Road rage has never been this much fun: A high-powered water gun that mounts to your bike's handlebars and fires up to 30 feet. With Water Wheels, you can be transformed into a rolling sniper.
The central component of the Water Wheels' system is a storage tank and battery-powered pump attached to the bicycle's frame. A connection hose runs up the frame to plastic squirt guns mounted on the handlebars.
Remember, a good parent never wants to leave his child's rear flank exposed. That's why Water Wheels offers an optional tail gun that mounts behind the bike seat, facing toward the rear of the bike. 6. Carpet Skates: Remember sliding around on your kitchen floor in your socks? Now, with Fun Slide carpet skates, you can turn your carpeted living room into a skating rink.
Carpet skates work just like those friction-resistant plastic gliders that you slip under a heavy couch to move heavy furniture. In fact, SIMTEC, the company that makes E-Z Move gliders, designed carpet skates with the same material.
"We kept hearing that people were horsing around on E-Z Moves, so we put foot straps on them, and it really is a blast," says sales director Candace Edwards-Holsing.
SIMTEX has already created a carpet-gliding puck. Just remember to E-Z Move Mom's favorite antiques out of the living room or you'll wish you had protective gliders on your butt. 7. DNA Dolls: One thing everyone remembers about Cabbage Patch Dolls — each one came with a birth certificate. That was a quaint time long ago. Now, in an age of fertility clinics, artificial insemination and cloning, we need equally sophisticated dollies that not only let children play mommy and daddy, but also genetic scientist.
As debates rage over manipulating human DNA, the Design-a-Doll Co. lets kids manipulate their dolly's "Doll-N-A" to determine the hair and eye color, physical characteristics and other traits of their plaything.
Design-a-Doll plans to open Doll Hospitals in toy stores across the country to address the growing needs of young clients, who, for whatever reason, up to now have been unable to play mommy or daddy through traditional methods.
Now, kids with dark hair don't have to answer embarrassing questions about why their Barbies are blond and they're not. With Doll-N-A, your doll resembles you — or what you'd like your toy child to look like.
Buck Wolf is entertainment producerat ABCNEWS.com. The Wolf Files ispublished Tuesdays. If you want to receive weekly notice whena new column is published, join the e-maillist.