Gifts for Rich Bitches (Literally)
March 4, 2003 -- -- If you don't mind catering to a rich bitch, I've got a few suggestions.
These might be tough economic times, but Fido and Whiskers aren't suffering. Americans are expected to lavish $31.5 billion on their pets this year, according to the American Pet Products Association. That's 5 percent more than last year, and nearly double the amount spent in 1994 — presumably on kibble, catnip, rawhide chewies and other creature comforts.
For comparison's sake, current U.S. pet expenditures represent half the gross domestic product of Iraq and about $8 billion more than North Korea's.
Even though the number of abandoned animals increases when the economy suffers, diamond dogs and pampered pussies are living it up like never before. And if you want a glimpse of how upper-crust critters party, check out the opening this week of the American Dog and Cat Hotel — the newest pleasure palace in Las Vegas.
High-rolling hounds can live it up in $79-a-night private suites with a color TV, custom-designed beds, and round-the-clock room service offering gourmet dog biscuits and bottled water. A state-of-the-art sound system fills the air with cool jazz for a tail-wagging good time. And if that gets dull, video-on-demand services offers 101 Dalmatians, Lassie and other canine classics.
Feline guests are offered three-story vacation condo, including a penthouse with stained-glass windows, the purrfect recipe for hours of peaceful rumination. "If they want sushi, we'll call up a sushi chef," says hotel manager Christopher Easley. "It's all about serving the customer."
These Vegas pet accommodations might seem a little lavish, even for Siegfried & Roy's menagerie. These days, however, nearly every major city offers posh pet vacation pads that would leave most of us on hind legs begging for a dog's life.
At the legendary Hotel Lancaster in Paris, pets and their owners can stay in the very room Marlene Dietrich called home for three years. The concierge even provides an extra-cushy $80-a-day pet bed with nightly chambermaid service that includes cat treats or a dog bone on the pillow, instead of a mint.
"Vegas is the No. 1 travel destination, and they're actually one of the harder places to visit with your pet," says Barbara DeBrey of Puppy Travel in Salt Lake City, a travel agency devoted to pet lovers — one of the fastest-growing segments of the tourism business.
Nearly 65 percent of pet owners frequently travel with their furry family members, up from 58 percent in 1995, according to a 2001 survey of Americans from the American Animal Hospital Association.
The Lancaster reports that many four-legged guests come from the United States via the Concorde, which will book a separate seat for a pet. A $1,000 plane seat might be expensive, but how do you compare that with forcing a virtual family member to travel in the cargo hold?
The American Dog and Cat Hotel is hoping to ease travel pains with an exclusive online booking program through Vegas.com — which will allow pet owners to find proper pet day care while they enjoy Fun City.
Star Treatment for Diamond Dogs
DeBrey says it's the job of a pet travel agent to find the combination of hotels, dog-friendly parks and travel arrangements to make sure that vacations aren't "ruff."
If your animal carrier can fit under the seat, air travel usually isn't so difficult. Of course, several airlines have "celebrity pet" policies. A TV star like Animal Planet's Duke regularly sits in his own seat — sometimes in first class — and has logged more than 60,000 frequent-flier points on his very own American Airlines Advantage Gold Card.
"It's usually easier to book seats in coach because we block out the middle seat with our frequent-flier miles," says his owner, Joel Silverman. He and Duke co-host Good Dog U and have been traveling the country to promote the Iams/ASPCA's Lifelong Friends program, which helps prospective pet parents make the right lifelong match with rescued animals.
"You can never spoil your pet too much," Silverman says. "I'd much rather see people spoil their pets than abusing their pets."
Across the country, hotels are tripping over themselves to become feline-friendly and canine-compatible.
If you and Rover wanted to enjoy Christmas in New York, the Regency Hotel was offering a $509-a-night "Houndly Holiday" last year. Executive chef John Iachetti served up a seasonal dinner of Turkey Cranberry-Schnauzer Stew and dognog, a fang-watering froth of chicken breast, flour and eggs.
Not to be outdone, the Peninsula Chicago offers $85 "Rover Relaxation" massages from licensed masseuses. All pet meals are served from jewel-encrusted feeding bowls, with such menu items as "Bow Wow Tenderloin of Beef" ($19) and "Tabby Tuna Tartar" ($12) available through room services.
At the San Ysidro Ranch in Montecito, Calif., animals and their owners can both receive special "Reiki" pressure-point massages. The inn allows both master and pet to savor a New York steak dinner. The doggie version, at $17.95, comes stuffed in a rawhide shoe.
Cats might not be so happy with the Water Club in San Juan, Puerto Rico. There's an elaborate check-in for canines, with the concierge noting the dog's name, breed and room number on a sugar-laced registration card that you can expect your pup to carefully "paw" over for hours of saliva-soaked pleasure.
Still, how will liberal-minded dogs feel about the Water Club's practice of pet apartheid? That's right: no cats.
After licking their emotional wounds, traumatized tabbies can seek solace at Doris Day's Cypress Inn in Carmel, Calif., where kitties are welcome at high tea to sample scrumptious catnip delicacies off a silver tray.
Here's a look at some at some ultra-lavish pet accoutrements and newfangled gift ideas for your furry friend.
Expense Accounts Unleashed
Diamond Collars: Not to be a snob, but if you have to ask the price of the diamond collars, you probably shouldn't be shopping at TeaCup Puppies and Boutique in Hollywood, Fla., where a bejeweled canine choker retails for as much as $16,900. Celebrity shoppers include Mandy Moore, Gloria Estefan, Playmate Tiffany Holiday and Fran Drescher.
The Bowlingual Translation Device: What would your dog say if he could speak? "Don't knock drinking from the toilet. You don't know what you're missing."
Time magazine named Bowlingual, from Takara manufacturing company, on its list of "The Coolest Inventions of 2002." It's a radio microphone that attaches to your dog's collar and supposedly translates his yelps, snarls and growls into phrases like "I'm lonely" and "How boring." The gizmo, developed with animal behaviorists, is already a big seller in Japan, where it retails for about $100.
Barks are matched up with a database of dog sounds and the device offers different interpretations for different breeds, because everyone knows how snooty French poodles get when their caviar bowl is empty. The Bowlingual's "Home Alone" mode records what your dog is thinking while you're at work, as if it's anything other than, "What fools these humans must be."
Marie Antoinette Doghouses: If you really want to lose your head in a fit of canine extravagance, you might need a Precious Palace, designed by New York City interior decorator Betsy Boggs. Inspired by Marie Antoinette's lavish kennels at Versailles, Boggs crafted these ultra-expensive doggie digs with the same fine linens and luxurious leathers that she'd use to decorate a swank penthouse. They range in price from $4,500 to more than $10,000.
While unpopular with commoners, Marie Antoinette was a famous pet lover and carried one of her beloved papillions as she was led to the guillotine in 1793. The dog was spared.
Designer Clothing: Talk about models on the cat walk: Just stroll along the fashionable shops in Bal Harbour, Fla., and you'll see what the privileged pets are wearing this year. The "Gucci Dog" is sporting a $250 black leather collar with the brand name featured in silver block letters.
Louis Vuitton knows what canine attitude is all about. The designer's $1,300 dog carrier comes with matching $170 leash and $160 collar, all with the LV monograms.
But if you're traveling in Chanel, so should your dog. The designer's $645 quilted pet carrier comes with silver and gold hardware and can be accessorized with a fetching $250 collar.
Electric Fur Dryers: Are messy tongue baths getting you down? The Bowser blow dryer offers a special low-noise, low-heat setting to dry your dog before she shakes out all over your carpet. There's a handheld version for $34.99 as well as a "stand-up" style, just like the beauty parlor.
Doggles: How can you improve on the simple pleasure of sticking your snout out a car window? Now dogs can enjoy the gush of air without objects getting in their eyes, thanks to Doggles.
You may think $20 dog goggles are totally frivolous, if not shady business. However, manufacturer Midknight Creations in California reminds us that the leading cause of sled-dog retirement is cataracts caused by UV exposure.
Cat-upuncture: If your pussycat has been needling you for a day of beastly beauty, send her to the Olde Towne Pet Resort in Fairfax, Va. This newly opened $7 million pet spa offers acupuncture, massage therapy and hydrotherapy at costs that can easily add up to more than $200.
PETicures: You've got to accentuate your best features, and if you walk on all fours and seldom wear shoes, you might need Pawfect Pawlish, nail polish from the Pampered Pet in Los Angeles. Three-packs go for $12.95 and are available in fast-drying, nontoxic shades of pastels and glitters.
Beastly Yoga: You and your pet can seek inner peace on side-by-side yoga mats. Bruce Van Horn started his pet yoga program at a New York animal rescue center to relieve puppies and kitties from the trauma of abandonment. Now, he's marketing an at-home yoga class through Yogaforbusiness.com for pet owners to bond with their companions.
"In some cases, you see the dogs imitating the humans," he says. It's unclear whether a dog can achieve the yoga pose of downward facing dog. Largely, our animal friends just soak in the calm meditative vibes, which Van Horn says can soothe any creature, perhaps even a guppy.
Woofy Pop: I know how important it is for you and your dog to eat from the same bowl. Now you can, with Dogmatic Product's Woofy Pop — the microwavable popcorn for pooches … and humans. That's assuming you'd snack on bacon- and chicken liver-flavored popcorn.
Pet-sicles: Now this is cool for cats: A Japanese company has introduced pet ice cream. This frozen dairy treat from Akagi Nyogyo is yogurt-based to suit our precious pals' pallets. It's not yet available in America, so we can only anticipate Cycle Four Ice Cream, to satisfy the cravings of fat cats and paunchy pooches.
Pet Cemetery: The Wolf Files earlier reported that pet owners are among the first clients at LifeGem — a Chicago company that will turn the cremated remains of your loved one into a diamond. After all, every living creature is a carbon-based life form, and this funeral scheme just combines a man's best friend to with a girl's best friend — to comfort any grieving pet owner.
If you're planning a more traditional funeral for Fido, Vintage Coffins in Georgia offers made-to-order caskets for pets of all sizes, ranging from $135 to $215. But if you want to really send your animal companion out in style, they offer special designs.
One client even ordered a McDonald's-themed casket, complete with golden arches, for $1,500. This mutt not only loved happy meals, he was rescued from a Mickey-D's parking lot.
Buck Wolf is entertainment producerat ABCNEWS.com. The Wolf Files ispublished Tuesdays. If you want to receive weekly notice whena new column is published, join the e-maillist.