Cheez Wiz Shaves, Kitty Litter Facials
Nov. 19, 2002 -- -- You can't get a duck to wash your dishes, but you can wash a duck with dishwashing liquid. In fact, some animal lovers think it's the kindest thing you can do.
Dawn dishwashing liquid is the No. 1 tool to clean and rehabilitate wild birds trapped in oil spills, according to Alice Berkner, founder of the International Bird Rescue Research Center in Fairfield, Calif.
"Dawn played a huge role in the cleanup of the Exxon Valdez oil spill," Berkner says.
"We use it wherever we can. It is gentler on the animal and a better de-greaser than anything else we've tried."
The sinking of a giant tanker today off the coast of Spain will almost certainly call for more of these unconventional birdbaths.
Until the mid-1970s, rescuers used mineral oil on distressed ducks. But they found a warm, sudsy solution of 5 percent Dawn works much better, even compared to other leading brands.
Hardware Store Beauty Secrets
Dawn's secondary value as a duckwashing liquid is hardly the strangest alternative use for a conventional household product. Just open your pantry and let loose your imagination.
How's this for a home remedy: Removing warts with a piece of duct tape.
Don't take my word for it. That advice was published a few weeks ago in The Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, which offers proof that duct tape is more effective than freezing warts off with liquid nitrogen — and a lot less painful, too.
Researchers had patients leave a piece of duct tape over a wart for six days. On the seventh day, they removed the tape and filed the spot with an emery board. The procedure was repeated for up to two months or until the wart disappeared. A Strange Place for Hemorrhoid Cream
You might ask yourself what sick, twisted individual would put hemorrhoid cream on her face. There's a simple answer — a fashion model, according to Diane Irons, author of The World's Best-Kept Beauty Secrets.
Hemorrhoid cream reduces the puffiness under your eyes and gives you a smoother, refreshed appearance. "In the fashion industry, you learn how to scramble and be resourceful in a hurry," Irons says. "You simply do whatever it takes to look good."
Irons spent years modeling before becoming a fashion writer, specializing in reading the labels of expensive and trendy beauty products and finding their key ingredients in cheap supermarket items.
Some of her findings: Pepto Bismol makes the ultimate cleansing mask, especially for ladies with sensitive skin.
If you're looking for the ultimate makeup remover, try Crisco, just like a lot of beauty mavens. Irons claims that Crisco is so easy on the skin, some hospitals use it to treat psoriasis and eczema, disguising it as "Cream C."
Irons says she developed a passion to unravel these mysteries many years ago, when she visited a top beauty spa and found an unusually large cache of kitty litter — and no cats.
"I had to bribe an employee, but I should have realized that the clay in a $50 facial and a 99-cent bag of kitty litter is basically the same stuff," Irons says. "The biggest difference is the price."
Of course, newfangled cat litter brands have additives and deodorizers. You might want to investigate the matter a little more before you experiment with your face.
The Scent of a Nacho Man
What could be more American than processed cheese? Joey Green has the answer — shaving with Cheez Whiz. "The oils in Cheez Whiz lubricate the skin and give you a remarkably smooth shave," he says.
Of course, the Cheez Whiz comes with a built-in after-shave that's sure to impress any nacho-loving woman. And if you're looking for a complete change of pace, consider shaving with peanut butter, Cool Whip or Pam Cooking Spray.
In Green's Amazing Kitchen Cures, he documents how that salt-laden, nitrate-packed lunchmeat SPAM can be used as furniture polish, along with dozens of other weird, alternative uses for brand-name products.You can polish your furniture with pantyhose, clean your toilet with Tang, and fashion insect repellant using Bounce fabric-softener sheets.
"America has a love affair with consumer products. It's an endless fascination," says Green. "You may never use products in your closet in an unconventional way. But you may be trapped on a desert island or locked in your basement."
Green, a former advertising copywriter, began investigating alternative product uses when he worked on a promotion for Nestea.
"One guy said he used to get bad sunburns sailing and he'd soothe himself by soaking in a tub of instant tea," Green says. "Now that's taking a whole new meaning to a Nestea plunge."
But his advertising team soon found that the tannic acid in tea does have some benefits for sunburn sufferers. After consulting hundreds of companies, here are a few of his findings:
Jell-O Hair Mousse: Smear a little Jell-O on your comb and watch what happens. Styling gel and gelatin aren't all that different. So when that big interview comes along, open the fridge. Whipped cream is optional.
Adolph's Bee Sting Tenderizer: When a bee or wasp attacks, use Adolph's Meat Tenderizer. The enzymes in Adolph's meat tenderizer break down the proteins in the venom.
Aunt Jemima's Sore Throat Remedy: Two teaspoons of Aunt Jemima's syrup supposedly soothes an irritated throat.
Campbell's Tomato Skunk Cure: When you're menaced by a skunk, dump two 1-quart tomato juice cans into a bucket and sponge yourself vigorously. The acids from the tomatoes neutralizes the skunk smell. Kraft Mayonnaise Lice Killer: Smear a little mayo on those critters in your scalp. Wrap your hair in Saran Wrap, and wait two hours. If the lice don't leave you, at least you're ready for lunch.
Buck Wolf is entertainment producerat ABCNEWS.com. The Wolf Files ispublished Tuesdays. If you want to receive weekly notice whena new column is published, join the e-maillist.