New Doll Friends for GI Joe
Feb. 12, 2002 -- -- Calling GI Joe, calling GI Joe: Are you still the ultimate action figure hero? Mayday, mayday!
It's bad enough that some people still think of him as a doll. These are times of war, and Joe's coming under heavy fire from the likes of "Tora Bora Ted" and other patriotic playthings. At New York's annual toy fair this week, even teddy bears are dressing up like rescue workers, and the World Trade Center lives on as a cuddly souvenir pillow.
In post-Sept. 11 America, military heroes are definitely in style. U.S. sales for action figures rose 36 percent last year to $1.62 billion, according to the NPD group, making it the fastest growing sector in the $23 billion toy market.
But these are scary times. Kmart, a discount retailer that once accounted for 7.5 percent of domestic toy sales, is in bankruptcy, and toymakers are desperate to find the next Furby, the next Tickle Me Elmo.
Joe has to compete with a whole new litany of action heroes, some, like Blue Box Toys' "Freedom Force," specifically developed for the U.S. war effort in Afghanistan.
Joe even has to compete against Jesus. That's right, Jesus action figures are among the hot novelty items at the toy fair. This 5-inch plastic messiah, retailing for $6.95, is mounted on little wheels and ready to roll.
Years ago, toy purveyor Archie McPhee scored a major hit with Boxing Nun Puppets, and now he thinks he's on to something bigger. Jesus fans may be disappointed to learn that this savior is made in China and not suitable for children under 3 years old.
Yeah, maybe that's stupid. But stupid sells. Look at Bill Bass, the mounted rubber fish that sings "Take Me to the River" If people will buy that, why not a Jesus toy on wheels?
Strolling down the aisles of New York City's Javitz Convention Center, where some 1,700 toy purveyors showed their wares, here are some items that jumped out at The Wolf Files. [Click on the links on the right to find out more about these toys.]
Strange Toy Stories
1. Queasy Bake OvenIt's a big brother's job to make his little sister gag. That's so much easier now with the Queasy Bake Oven ($24.99) from Hasbro, the folks who make the Easy-Bake Oven. It's aimed at boys who want to whip up mouth-watering, ooey-gooey treats such as "blend-a-booger" drinks and "Larva-Licious" cookies.
2. I Can Go Potty Training Video
Calling Dr. Freud: If toilet training and psychological trauma go hand in hand, what hope does a parent have of getting little Junior off diapers without sentencing him to a lifetime of therapy.
In I Can Go Potty, 6-year-old Jillian explains how brother Andrew learned proper wiping procedures and the importance of washing his hands. Jaunty music segments like "When It's Time to Go" drive the message home. I Can Go Potty ($14.95) has the distinction of winning a Parents Choice Award.
3. Edible Tattoos
From the folks who brought you Chocolate Body Paint — the naughty treat for kinky couples — now comes edible tattoos for kids. Sally Fegley of Tom & Sally's Handmade Chocolates says edible tattoos are a G-rated rendition of her company's wearable desserts. It's all very simple: You rub a strawberry heart on your forearm, and later it's a strawberry-flavored snack. Will tattoo-clad kids start licking each other? You decide.
4. Billy-Bob Teeth
There're big bucks in twisted, gnarled novelty teeth.
In a full-fanged battle royal last year, the makers of Billy-Bob Teeth sued rival Bubba Teeth in a copyright infringement case that resulted in Billy-Bob taking a $142,000 bite out of Bubba.
The future is now Billy-Bob's, which has a licensing agreement for the next Austin Powers sequel. These novelty chompers ($12) are molded to your mouth, and top-of-the-line versions come with 24-karat, gold-plated incisors, studded with a cubic zirconia.
5. Prenatal Mozart
Don't you want to play with your unborn baby? With BebeSounds's Prenatal Gift Set ($49.95), you can talk, listen, and play music to a fetus.
An in-utero dialog begins when a microphone and speakers are strapped to mommy's belly. There's two headphones (one for daddy) and ready-made recordings of "cuddly classic" Mozart recordings that you can pump into the womb.
6. 'N Stink Trading Cards
Remember Wacky Packages and Garbage Pail Kids? The next wave of gross-out collectible trading cards are Silly CDs ($2 a pack), featuring the likes of Bruce Stinkjeans, Poop Dogg and Oozy Oozebutt. You'll see parody versions of Bob Dylan in a pickle jar, Whitney Houston doing drugs and Sean "Snuff Daddy" Combs wielding a gun. Consider it an educational toy for bathroom humor.
7. Xtreme Ants Sports Park
This is not your father's ant farm. Today's kid can play with bugs who romp around a miniature sports park complete with skateboard park, bungee jump, luge speedway and vertical climbing wall. A rep from Uncle Milton Industries promises the environs, retailing at $24, are escape-proof.
8. World Trade Center Plush Toy
Don't go calling Stephen Chernin an opportunist for selling World Trade Center plush toys. His company, Good Stuff LLC, has been selling cuddly renderings of the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and other New York landmarks for years. "We just kept on doing what we do," Chernin says. "Since Sept. 11, the demand has picked up dramatically, though some people think we've jumped on the WTC souvenir bandwagon."
9. Doggie Halloween Costumes
Don't blame me if your German shepherd comes back to bite you in the butt after you dress her in a tutu. Compass Marketing offers a full array of dog Halloween costumes. Dress your Airedale in a sexy cheerleader outfit. Turn your hound dog into a real Elvis impersonator. You and your poodle can even wear matching white dresses on your wedding day.
10. Fish-Tank Submarine
All the kids have radio-controlled cars and planes. Now Megatech has introduced a fish-tank submarine ($120) that will allow you to tail your guppies. You can take this little baby into the pool for a midnight swim and goose your sweetheart like a naughty little love piranha.
11. Moo Magnet
Cows eat everything — including tacks, nails and chunks of barbed wire. Ranchers have a name for the internal bleeding caused by shards of metal — Hardware Disease. But this is no longer an udder tragedy. The bovine cure: magnets surgically implanted in a cow's belly. The magnets collect the metal debris before Bessie suffers intestinal bleeding. Now kids can learn about Hardware Disease with Moo Magnets ($7.95) — a cow magnet activity kit that lets kids explore the wonders of magnetism.
12. Mullet Head Dolls
Meet Speed Fry Jr. He lives with his Grandma in Trailer 3B, in the luxurious Shady Tree Mobile Home Park. Speed Fry and his pet armadillo just love to set small brushfires, play Dungeons & Dragons and examine road kill on I-20, near where his mother works as a cocktail waitress. Speed Fry can often be heard telling his friend Clem, "Why do you always get to be the Dungeon Master?"
Buck Wolf is entertainment producerat ABCNEWS.com. The Wolf Files ispublished Tuesdays. If you want to receive weekly notice whena new column is published, join the e-maillist.