Tuning Out the Valentine's Day Hype

Feb. 14, 2001 -- Feeling more in the mood for the Grinch than Cupid? If so, this one’s for you.

The Valentine’s blues hits those single folks and couples who are unlucky in love. There’s no substitute for someone to hug. But there is an enjoyable way to wallow — musically.

For years, songwriters and crooners have lyrically expressed the downside of romance, squeezing memorable musical whines out of love’s sour grapes.

Topics like “Blues in the Night,” “Mood Indigo” and “Stormy Weather” were ’30s and ’40s fodder for what became jazz standards. It’s questionable if there’d even be a blues or country genre without jilted lovers, betrayed hearts and love gone sour. But it’s rock in all of its varied forms over the past 50 years that have thrust “Big Bad Love” (Alanis Morissette) into an inner circle of hell, upping the notch to more vituperative, in-your-face attitudes.

Add to the mix melancholic, self-effacing, angst-ridden melodies that make breaking up bearable, and you have rock-solid bottom gold.

If you’re enjoying a fine romance, you may want to stop here.

But if you’re not, you might want to read on to add grist to your hard-hearted emotions, perusing the depths of your loneliness, heartache and bitterness through song.

“Nothing could be sadder than a glass of wine alone./Loneliness, loneliness, it’s just a waste of your time,” the Stones sang in “Cry to Me” on their 1972 album, Exile on Main Street.

Use this as your guide, then sift through your CDcollection (and albums, if you still have them) ortrawl through Napster (if you still can) and puttogether a play list. Then crank up your stereo, kickback, and wallow.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

To set the mood, you might want to start by cuing upthe Derek and the Dominos’ classic “Layla.” Not onlyis this still one of the most recognized rock songsaround, but it also tells part one of a true tragiclove story. The angst expressed by British blues manEric Clapton was inspired by his love forBeatle George Harrison’s wife, Patti, whom he latermarried. Part two of the story: they divorced.

Not knowing what you want. Doing the wrong thing. These are common motifs in the anti-love "genre".

Chart-topping, heart-stopping teen pop queen BritneySpears expresses second thoughts about a breakupin her tune “Baby One More Time”: “My loneliness is killingme/I must confess I still believe/When I’m not withyou I lose my mind.” Oops.

On the other side of the love coin, and two decadesearlier, Pat Benatar questioned, in “Love Is aBattlefield,” a lover’s similar indecision: “You’remakin’ me go. Then makin’ me stay. Why do you hurt meso bad. It would help me to know.”

Knowing when to get out is a good thing and can beempowering. If you’ve left a relationship that wasextremely hard to leave but you knew in your heart ofhearts that getting out was the right thing, give Soft Cell’s“Tainted Love” another listen. Or you might want tocheck out Britney’s boyfriend Justin and his fellowboy band compadres in ’NSync — their answer to suchshilly-shally jerking around? “Bye, Bye, Bye.”

Rage Against the Ex

Once the evening has gotten into a good groove, youmight be ready for a taste of rage. Eminem would be agood place to start — he might not have exclusiverights to the subject, but he certainly has a lot ofit that he doesn’t keep pent up. Slim Shady looks foranswers in “Kim” — “How could you? Just leave me andlove him out of the blue?” — and finds them inviolent fantasies, which sparked some court action by the rapper’s wife. But she can’t be all that bad, apparently, as the two reconciled months later, wiping the slate clean.

For a female take on jealous fury, Alanis Morissette’sscorned lover in “You Ought to Know” might do thetrick. You’ll probably want to sing along at keymoments like “don’t you forget about me, Mr.Duplicity.”

In this category, there’s also the revenge motif. “When I think of it, my fingers turn to fists,” singsFiona Apple in “Limp,” whose title pretty much says itall.

I Confess, An English Beat

To wind down a quiet evening of angst, anger andperhaps thoughts of alimony, you might want to turn tothe confessionals.

These come in several different flavors, including:wanting to 'fess up (out of guilt or perhaps aspayback), not wanting to 'fess up (though you should)and 'fessing up to simply using somebody.

In “Confessions,” Destiny’s Child asks her man,“Because I just came clean, what you feel about thatbaby/I’m just guessing/are you through with me?” It’stough to tell through the way she puts it, but itseems like breaking up might be what she wants.

Much more clear is the disturbing yet almost comicalgist of Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me.” Having been caught“red-handed” “with the girl next door,” the singerturns to his mentor, who tells him to simply deny it. Of course, you have to listen to the whole song to getthe kicker — “Gonna tell her that I’m sorry for thepain that I’ve caused. … You may think that you’re aplayer/But you’re completely lost.”

From Crosby, Stills and Nash’s free-love anthem “Lovethe One You’re With” to Marilyn Manson’s more current“User Friendly,” singers have admitted to their loversthey’re simply not in love. You might also try Tina Turner, who added her piece to this less-than-feel-good message with“What’s Love Got to Do With It?”

Bill Withers’ “Use Me” — which is being used in aPringles commercial! — delivers the unexpected. Whentold he is simply being used by his woman, the singercomes clean in a delicious admission of enjoyment. “Oh, I want to spread the news, if it feels this goodgetting used. You just keep on using me, 'til you use me up.”

Chances are he’ll be needing an anti-love song listvery soon.