Showbiz Commentary: Heidi Oringer

Oct. 11, 2000 -- What a coincidence — the Nobel Peace Prize is going to be awarded on Friday, and Dr. Laura Schlessinger chose this very same week to apologize for her relentless bashing of gays and lesbians.

And to boot, she actually selected Yom Kippur — the Jewish Day of Atonement — to say she’s sorry for her cruel words. She paid for an ad in Daily Variety that said, in abbreviated form, she never meant to “hurt” anyone.

Although I would like to believe Dr. Laura is genuinely sincere on this issue, the skeptic in me can’t help but suspect two things about this public declaration: 1) She’s desperate to increase the flailing ratings of her television show and 2) She’s desperate to increase the flailing ratings of her television show.

And while I’m on the subject of doctors, I think Tina Sinatra would need one if her father were still alive, because he might have taken a swing at her head after reading her new book, My Father’s Daughter.

What Would Frank Think?

In her defense, I will say Tina doesn’t reveal anything newly damaging about Ol’ Blue Eyes … at least nothing that would anger him too much were he still around. But I do think he’d be none too happy about his daughter’s endless bashing of his widow, Barbara Sinatra. Since Frank Sinatra came off as a very private family man throughout his career, eulogizing him with a tell-all book about his household dealings doesn’t seem like it would be his idea of a nice remembrance.

Please note, I assume Frank’s position on this issue with the utmost respect because, as Tina also points out in the book (again, no big revelation), her father had a lot of “connected” friends. Truth be told, I enjoy life far too much to risk spending the rest of it in cement boots. So, what I’m saying is, I THINK he’d be upset. (How’s that for backpedaling?)

This makes me wonder, though, why so many children of deceased celebrities (if they’re lucky enough to be dead first) choose to reveal such intimate details of their family lives. I know we love scandal, but wouldn’t it be nice to have the opportunity to remember someone as they appeared to be when they were alive? Somehow finding out that Joan Crawford hated wire hangers and made her daughter eat rotten meat doesn’t add or subtract from the quality of her many film performances. Nor does discovering that Frank Sinatra was once arrested for a sexual encounter make his voice sound more or less melodious (although it does add a whole new twist to “My Way”).

In all fairness, no kid should be allowed to write bad stuff about their parents, especially when they’re dead and can’t defend themselves. Kids really shouldn’t write negatively about their parents when they’re alive either, but at least if they are living, it opens up the door of opportunity for mom and pop to make a few bucks on the rebuttal book. However, if scathing pen MUST hit bitter paper, it would be far more digestible to have these offspring-authored, tell-all books be written about celebs the public generally doesn’t like.

Here’s a Book Proposal for You

Which brings us (OK, me) back to Dr. Laura. (Remember, I said a celeb “the public GENERALLY doesn’t like,” meaning there are some people who do … like her.)

I’m guessing there are plenty of people, besides myself, who wouldn’t mind cracking open a biographical hard cover (to go with the hard head) penned by Dr. Laura’s loving son. Now this memoir should definitely be written while she’s still alive. It should be a collection of little-known details and seemingly creepy nuances of her somewhat banal existence. And so as not to come off as too enthusiastic, the public should wait two weeks to purchase the book — or until it ends up on the 99-cent clearance table at the bookstore, whichever comes first.

And just in case Dr. Laura gets upset over the book, which could hardly be the case since we’re all entitled to our own educated opinions (right, Doc?), her son can take an ad out on the back page of Daily Variety apologizing to her for his rude behavior.

Or maybe he won’t have to because that will be the same week his book wins the Pulitzer Prize.

Heidi Oringer is director of entertainment programming at ABCNEWS Radio.