Replacements' Ifans on Satan, Balls, and Mum

August 11, 2000 -- Wales' Rhys Ifans knows that there's nothing like an international hit to take the funny guy out of Wales and suddenly find him working in Hollywood.

Ifans — whose name is pronounced "Reese Evans" — was Hugh Grant's scene-stealing slob of a roommate in Notting Hill. Now he's got three major movies in the can, the first of which has him playing the chain-smoking kicker on Keanu Reeves' football team in The Replacements.

"I had to learn to kick; I spent three weeks learning to kick a ball," he says of his preparation. "Oh, [and] they caught me in my underwear in this [film].

"One of the gyms had a TV, and I was on an exercise bike having a cigarette and watching Regis and Kathie Lee."

When his mother back in Wales heard about the movie, she asked Ifans, "Why do you always have to show your ass? You've got lovely teeth." Similarly, he insists, when he told his mum he was co-starring with Gene Hackman, she said, "What's she been in?" Ifans says, "She doesn't understand Hollywood."

Ifans obviously does. He'll next appear on-screen with Adam Sandler in Little Nicky. "I'm Adam's brother, the son of Satan," he explains.

"It was fantastic, because I've often felt like it in the past. It was familiar ground."

What kind of research does one do to play Satan's son? "I stayed at the Sunset Marquis [a notorious rocker-celeb hotel and watering hole in Los Angeles]."

Ifans thinks the major difference between working in Hollywood and working in England (aside from salary) is "The foods. … In England, there's a pork pie, a cold cup of tea, and a kick in the ass, and you go back on set.

"Here, I thought it was a wedding. I took a photo of the salad bar to send home to my mother. She was very pleased."

Ifans' most intriguing film is undoubtedly the upcoming Human Nature, screenwriter Charlie Kaufman's follow-up to Being John Malkovich. (Another tie-in: Human Nature was produced by Malkovich director Spike Jonze). "A very strange film," says Ifans, and for once he's not kidding.

"I play a guy who thinks he's a monkey. He's been brought up in the forest, so when he's discovered by a scientist with a tiny penis — that's Tim Robbins — he can't speak or use the toilet."

In Human Nature, odd coincidences are common: Patricia Arquette portrays a woman who is covered head to toe in hair, and co-star Rosie Perez is an electrolysis practitioner. Ifans says, "It is a comedy, but unlike The Replacements, it has wider themes. It's quite dark in places."

For that he gives all the credit to the imaginatively bent Kaufman. "Charlie's head is like a creamy pumpkin — beautifully constructed, familiar, and strange at the same time."

That might sum up his impression of Lotusland. "I have noticed one thing in Hollywood," he muses. "If you crack a joke in London, people laugh. If you crack a joke in Hollywood, they say, 'You're funny.'"

Going back to his experience on The Replacements, the witty Welshman admits, "I'm a soccer boy. I like my balls round, and I found American football baffling [at first].

"But I don't know, I do appreciate it. Standing on the sidelines and closing your eyes and listening to the game is amazing. The grunts and the coughing and the clanging of the armor … Close your eyes, and you could be in Braveheart."

Ifans has accepted Stateside football as more than the "wussy game" he once believed it to be. "These guys are like gods, and I've changed my views," he says. "Rugby players often say [that American football is not challenging], but it's a hard, hard game.

"In rugby, you only get hit if you've got the ball. In American football, you can get hit crossing the field to just get a glass of water, which happened to me." — Stephen Schaefer