A New Year in Bad Behavior

Feb. 5, 2004 -- This column would've come out sooner, but after what transpired at the Super Bowl halftime show, the world was officially put on a delay.

As it stands, CBS has decided that the Grammy Awards broadcast Sunday will be on a 10-second delay just to make sure that if anything does happen like, say, someone losing their clothes, the viewing public will not be privy to the faux pas.

This network's resolution, of course, is a direct result of Janet Jackson's behavior since, invariably, as things have progressed, she has now taken full responsibility for her breast-baring stunt, in essence saying it was a "bad choice" on her part.

To quote the lyrics of one Grammy-winning artist, "I'm sorry, Miss Jackson."

A bad choice is when you pick heads and the coin comes up tails. Having someone rip off your top to expose your medallion-clad nipple to the largest television audience of the year is not a bad choice. It's just plain idiotic.

Of course, CBS' caution at the Grammys may not be necessary, since Jackson was told Wednesday that she wouldn't be part of the show. Jackson had been scheduled to take part in a tribute to Luther Vandross. The reason given was that Vandross himself would not be attending.

2004: Year of the Celebrity Bore

My instincts tell me Miss Jackson made the decision to show a viable body part to take the heat off her brother, Michael, whose body parts, starting with his proboscis, seem to have caused him nothing but trouble.

It is a new year and already the boorishly wild events that have taken place are unprecedented.

We started with an intoxicated Britney Spears and her 55-hour marriage to her high school buddy Jason Alexander. A wild night in Vegas turned into a media hailstorm as the overtly sexed-up chanteuse turned her back on reality and walked the publicity death plank instead of the Little White Chapel wedding aisle.

The marriage was quickly annulled, but the deed was certainly not forgiven. Instead, throngs of Spears followers and their parents are now readily questioning the ethics of a singer once considered a role model for teenage girls.

Next comes the Ben and Jen breakup. Some of you may ask why this would be categorized as a "boorishly wild event," and you are right in doing so. After all, this was no one's fault, right? There is now a woman wandering around with a broken heart and a guy who blew a fortune on a 6-carat Harry Winston diamond ring.

Well, guess what? You can't suddenly decide to privatize the end of your romance after you've saturated the public with your engagement antics for over a year.

The breakup was an event in the same way canceling the wedding was an event, and since they played one out for the public, by all means they should've played out the other.

I suggest to all of you, don't ever ask Jennifer Lopez or Ben Affleck to be your tennis partner as, obviously, neither one has any follow through.

This brings us to boorish event No. 3 in a very early 2004: Jackson's erotic halftime performance with dance partner Justin Timberlake.

It's not as if the world hasn't seen a breast before, and the need to expose one during a big football game is baffling.

Jackson was initially hush-hush in the hours after the incident. She then issued a full-on apology and an admission of guilt, saying neither MTV and CBS — nor anyone else for that matter — knew that it was going to happen. The Business of Show

Oddly, Timberlake's first statements called the incident a "mistake" and a "wardrobe malfunction" for which he was terribly sorry. That means he would've had to know about it because making a mistake means you do something incorrectly and you cannot do something incorrectly if you didn't know you were going to do it in the first place. (Perhaps I should end that sentence with "Your Honor.")

Then, Timberlake intimated that he was duped into believing that once he removed Miss Jackson's breastpiece, she would still have something underneath covering her nakedness, other than a nipple decoration. Surprise!

CBS is now on the hot seat as the Federal Communications Commission is launching a full investigation as to who may have had prior knowledge of the dirty deed. Network executives are already battening down the hatches for the potential of a mother of a fine or even worse, the loss of their broadcast license (that's not likely, of course).

MTV has already gotten its first hand slap. The NFL has unambiguously stated that the cable network is forbidden to produce another halftime show.

We'll see what the outcome of this flash show will be and what is to follow. Believe me, this is just the tip (nip?) of the iceberg. Hollywood stars and music moguls have a lot more in store for us.

In the aftermath, however, the public is left wondering: How do we enjoy these star-studded events while bracing for the next boorish celebrity stunt?

My advice is to keep a few things handy: chewable antacid, blood pressure medication (if you're faint of heart), a companion to smack your back should you choke on a peanut, and, most importantly, a very quick and believable explanation for the kiddies.

I can't change it. I can only keep you abreast of the business of show.

Heidi Oringer is director of entertainment programming at ABCNEWS Radio.