Dear 'GMA' Advice Guru Top 20 Finalists: Philip Van Munching

Nov. 26, 2010 — -- Philip Van Munching from Darien, Conn., is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read his application below!

Essay

Why am I the perfect GMA advice guru? It comes down to what I am and what I'm not. What I am is a New York Times bestselling author of advice books. What I am is the guy that an awful lot of folks come to for advice. I've been an author, a teacher, an executive, a friend, a son, a husband and a father and in all these roles, I've taken pride in my ability to really listen, and then to give thoughtful, well-reasoned and loving advice, even when that advice is maybe not what someone wants to hear. I've counseled friends through work stuff, social stuff, child-raising stuff and every stage of relationships, from how to gauge the interest of the person they just started dating to how to put their ex-husband in the rearview and find a way to look forward, again. Here's what I'm not: I'm not a doctor. I think what's made my advice books so successful is that I don't use five-dollar words; I try very hard to make sure that what I have to say is colloquial, straightforward and unpretentious. And I guess it's working: the compliment I've gotten most often on my books is that reading them is like having a conversation with a friend. That's a pretty great thing to hear, and along with the obvious qualifications you're looking for, like ease on-camera (check!) and an ability to write compelling stuff for the GMA website (check!), I think my accessibility is what makes me most qualified to be the GMA advice guru.

What's the best advice you have ever given? What was the result?

When my daughter's boyfriend was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma last year -- at all of 17 years old, can you imagine? -- I noticed that she was going sleepless…and feeling helpless. I sat her down and said, Anna, he's got doctors to deal with the medical stuff and neighbors to support his family. You concentrate on HIM. When you can, go to his treatments. Be in the room. Listen when he talks. But also make sure you're taking care of you -- your health, your schoolwork -- so that when you do get to be with him, you're really with him. Anna, who I'm nominating for sainthood, took my advice and humbled her mom and me with how much she was able to do for her boyfriend while juggling senior year of high school, college applications, etc. (They're now both freshmen, Anna at Wellesley and Alex at Tufts, and they're still together.)

Philip Van Munching is Finalist in GMA Advice Guru Contest

What would you tell this person: "Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship more than the one with his mother?

First, a little dose of perspective: he's not valuing his mom over you -- he's playing out family stuff that started long before you came along, and chances are pretty good he's not even aware of it. So instead of making it confrontational "It's her or me!" start by telling him what you see going on, and how it makes you feel. Have the conversation when you're both calm, because information given in the middle of an argument doesn't usually sink in. It just sounds like criticism. And though it'll be hard to do because your mother-in-law isn't your favorite person, reassure your husband that he's not choosing sides when he stands up for you: disagreeing with his mom once in awhile isn't a betrayal, and it doesn't mean he loves her any less.

What would you tell this person: "While cleaning my son's room, I accidentally saw on his Facebook page threatening remarks from his friends. I fear he's being bullied. What should I do?"

I'm chuckling at the question, because the set-up already suggests how the conversation will go: "Whattaya mean, you accidentally saw? You're snooping! (Cue: door slamming, lots of sulking.) So drop the "accidentally" stuff, and start the conversation this way: "You had Facebook up when I was cleaning your room, and I noticed that you kind of got threatened in a few posts." Then tell him it made you upset to see that, and ask him if everything is okay. Chances are pretty good he'll evade the question and you still might be called a snoop, though probably with less venom. Press on. What you really want to do is establish that you're aware he's being bullied, that you're concerned, and that you're available to help him strategize over how to deal with any bullying.

Finalist Philip Van Munching Could be New GMA Advice Guru

What would you tell this person: "My boss keeps taking credit for my ideas. What should I do?"

It's a shame that it's morally wrong to put ten doses of Ex-Lax into your boss's coffee, isn't it? Since revenge is out of the question, I've got two words for you: paper trail. Actually, let's make that "cc e-mail trail." From now on, when you have a good idea, make sure it goes in an email to your boss -- along with a few other people. Be clear that you're passing along your own idea, and ask your boss what he or she thinks. You'll put your boss on notice that you're aware of the idea-pilfering going on. And, you'll make it much harder for him or her to do it in the future. Ratting your boss out to someone else -- someone in a higher pay grade than your boss -- is awfully risky in a lousy job market, so don't do it unless you have another job lined up.

Submissions have been edited for length, style and clarity.