One Family's Quest to Sleep Well

Oct. 28, 2006 — -- It's every parent's dirty little secret: Their kids don't sleep through the night.

For the Nunley's -- mom Katie, 18-month-old daughter Charlotte, dad Patrick and 4-year-old son Benjy -- the problem had grown from a secret to a dilemma they couldn't ignore.

During the day, the Nunleys were a happy family. But when bedtime rolled around, they were happy no more. The Nunley children didn't sleep through the night, and neither did their parents.

"It was hard," said Patrick Nunley.

"Impossible," added Katie Nunley. "It's pretty much been almost four years that I haven't slept more than three or four hours consecutively. Benjy was getting up at least twice a night and coming in to us. And then Charlotte was getting up probably three, four times a night. I mean, it was crazy. … That just left no time for us as a couple to relax and unwind together."

Patrick and Katie would end up sleeping in Benjy's bed so often, they got Benjy an adult's queen size bed.

"Often, we played musical beds," Katie said. "And often, it would be me and Benjy in [one room] when we woke up, and Charlotte in with daddy. And we had a lovely game going."

Both the kids had what are called "sleep crutches," a habit a child needs in order to go to sleep. Charlotte's was her milk cup.

"She would have her milk sippy with books as she was going to bed, and then in the middle of the night," Katie said. "Usually, she would cry so hard and so long until we got it for her."

For Benjy, it was reading books and twirling mom's hair.

"Benjy has been into my hair probably since he was six months old," Katie said. "He'd, you know, look up at me and twirl my hair, and we'd all say, 'Oh, that's so sweet.' … And then it just kept going and going, to the point where it's like a drug."

Sleep Lady to the Rescue

The lack of sleep was tearing the family apart. Katie and Patrick knew they needed help.

They got it from Kim West, also known as the "Sleep Lady." West is a trained sleep therapist who coaches families to get their children to sleep through the night.

"It is a skill that children do not learn naturally on their own, unless we, as parents, kind of gently shape it and show them," West said.

Consulting with the Nunleys by phone, West told them to get the sleep crutches out of the bedtime routine. She also put them on a plan she dubbed the "sleep lady shuffle."

"Instead of putting your child into the crib or bed, drowsy but awake, which all the experts will say -- instead of leaving, I have you stay with your child and you offer physical and verbal reassurance with them as they're learning to put themselves to sleep," West said.

West told the Nunleys to put Benjy and Charlotte to bed sleepy but still awake. For the first few nights, she asked each parent to sit in a chair by the children's beds until they fell asleep. After that, they moved the chair further away, to the middle of the room, then finally out into the hallway so that the children fall asleep on their own.

As an older child, Benjy also got a sticker chart to reward his progress, and wake-up music to let him know when it's time to get out of bed.

ABC News put cameras in the Nunleys' home to record how they did as they went through sleep therapy.

On the first night of sleep therapy, Benjy adjusted easily. Charlotte, however, did not. Katie climbed into Charlotte's crib to console her twice in one night.

Despite three bad nights, the Nunleys decided to go ahead to the second stage and sit further away in the middle of the room. Surprisingly to them, the kids started sleeping more soundly.

"It was like three nights when it was really difficult for Charlotte," Patrick said. "But finally it was just like a, just like a light switch. It just clicked and got better and better."

Encouraged, the Nunleys moved to the final stage, sitting in the hallway just outside the kids' rooms. This time, Charlotte slept through the night, while Benjy didn't.

According to West, such a result can be common.

"The older children have more ingrained negative sleep habits, so it just takes longer for them to change," she said.

New Crutches Develop

One night, Katie had to make eight visits to Benjy's room.

It turned out that Benjy had developed a new sleep crutch. Patrick was reading to Benjy lying down, and Benjy was falling asleep before Patrick left the room.

"Benjy … would start to fall asleep during story time," West said. "Then, when the parents would get up to get out of the room after, you know, Benjy being asleep, he would call out and want more books."

Katie and Patrick solved the problem by both reading to him while he was sitting up. But Benjy caught on to their sleep shuffle and found ways to delay sleeping.

"It was different stall tactics: 'I'm thirsty, I need my monkey, I need my blanky,' " said Katie. "He was in control and trying to get what he needed."

While Katie was trying to be strict and firm, Patrick was more yielding. They agreed to be consistent and put up a united front to get Benjy to go to bed -- no giving in.

But to make their son stay in bed until the morning, they had to put up a physical obstacle. The Nunleys installed a gate so that Benjy would stay in bed until morning.

Still, Benjy got up four times one night to climb over the gate.

West found ways to up the ante.

"Sometimes … we will take away a privilege in the morning," West said. "And for Benjy … he couldn't play with his toy planes in the morning when he didn't follow his sleep manners. And then when he did, great."

Her plan paid off. With the combination of consistency and denying privileges when rules weren't followed, West and the Nunleys finally got Benjy to sleep through the night.

"It was awesome: Katie was just jumping off the wall, just as happy as could be," Patrick said. "I woke up and nobody was in bed with us. Katie was next to me."

Now that everyone's nights are restful, the Nunley's days are better too.

"It's made a huge difference," Katie said. "The kids are happier they're not yawning all day. We don't have meltdowns as often. … I am just so happy that I can actually spend time with Patrick. … Sleep is probably the best prize ever."