Teaching Kids How to Cope With Your Job Loss

April 17, 2008 — -- More than 1.7 million parents have lost their jobs this year, and while unemployment is undeniably stressful for adults, it can be even scarier for their kids.

Parents must decide how to tell their children or whether to tell them at all.

Julie and Chris Mitchell worked for the Gildan Activewear plant in Moira, N.Y., until the factory moved its operations overseas. They lost their jobs on the same day in August — eight very long months ago.

"I just didn't know what we were going to do after the factory closed, what kind of work we were going to do or how we were going to support the kids we have at home," Chris said.

The Mitchells told their three daughters -- 9-year-old Cheyenne, 7-year-old Tyra and 5-year-old Christa -- about their situation right away.

"We sat them all down at the table," Chris said. "They are young, but they are kind of old enough to understand."

"My little one said, 'You will find another job, Dad, in a day. Tomorrow you'll go back to work,'" Julie said.

Because even very young children can sense change and pick up on their parents' stress, communication is key.

If the kids aren't told what's going on, they will fill in the blanks — often blaming themselves for a parents' unhappiness. Of course, even when their parents provide calm and reassuring explanations, young children find any major change stressful.

"When they lost their job, I felt a little bit scared," Christa said.

Worrying about bills and the cost of food, gas and other necessities has also taken its toll on the Mitchells.

"It's wondering when the next paycheck's coming in to get the girls what they need," Julie said.

Since Chris and Julie lost their jobs, the family has had to deal with the tension of being together 24/7.

"I spend quite a bit of time with the kids now. Sometimes the kids aggravate me; my fuse is much shorter," Chris said.

Psychologist Rebecca Shahmoon Shanok counsels families struggling with unemployment. She says kids often fail to understand why they can't get something they want -- a challenge Julie and Chris find particularly heartbreaking.

"If they were good in the store, we would buy them a little toy every time we went to the store," Julie said. "Now it's something that we can't afford to do."

But as tough as a period of deprivation can be, there are often hidden benefits.

"What children can take away years later is, 'My parents faced something. They kept us together. They found a way,'" Shanok explained.

Happily, the stress load has decreased in the Mitchell household. The day "Good Morning America" interviewed Chris, he was awaiting a critical call about a job -- which he ultimately landed.

Julie took classes to become a certified nurse's aide and has been working part time at a nursing home. Their girls learned that Mommy and Daddy faced a problem head on and solved it together. They saw their parents adapt and succeed, and that's a great message now and in the future.

For other parents facing this situation, there are certain ways to make the hard times a little easier on the kids.

First and foremost, maintain routines as best you can. If you need to cut back on discretionary expenses — like an annual family vacation — sacrifice the trip rather than your teenager's drum lessons or a younger child's favorite weekly activity.

Depending on your child's age, you can ask them to help. Teenagers who have been working part time for pocket money can be asked to chip in with the understanding that you will try to pay them back as soon as possible.

But they should not be made to feel responsible for supporting the family, especially if that would necessitate taking on extra shifts and compromising their school attendance or homework time.

Teen and even younger children can also contribute by helping out at home, for example, baby-sitting for siblings or doing more housework — freeing Mom and Dad to make phone calls, update resumes and go on interviews.

Don't lean on kids for emotional support. Parents sometimes mistake this for honesty, but sharing too much of your feelings with young children can cause enormous stress.

They need the reassurance of having an adult -- not a peer -- in the house. One way to reassure kids is to let them know how your job hunt is going. Share the specific ways you're looking for a job and try to maintain a positive attitude. That said, it's important to blow off steam. Get out of the house, talk to other adults, whatever you can to lessen your stress.