Terrible Twos? Try Acting Like Your Toddler

S A N T A   M O N I C A, Calif., March 5, 2004 -- It looks weird, and it sounds crazy, but a renowned pediatrician says that the best way for parents to put an end to the terrible twos is to bring themselves down to their children's level, and talk and act like toddlers themselves.

"You say, 'no, no, no," said pediatrician Dr. Harvey Karp, who helps parents communicate with their toddlers by essentially teaching them to talk like a caveman. Karp calls his own special language "toddler-ese."

"It's not the normal way we talk to kids," Karp said. "But I'm telling you, that's the normal way kids talk to us."

To demonstrate his caveman comparison, Karp points to the boisterous Bam Bam character in The Flintstones.

"It's no accident that the toddler in The Flintstones was named Bam Bam," Karp said. "Toddlers are passionate and they don't follow the rules. They're uncivilized. "

In a way, Karp views toddlers as primitive thinkers akin to prehistoric man. When he works with their parents, the California-based pediatrician divides them into developmental groups: the "Charming Chimp-Child" (12 to 18 months), the "Knee-High Neanderthal" (18 to 24 months), the "Clever Cave-Kid" (24 to 36 months) and the "Versatile Villager" (36 to 48 months).

ABCNEWS' Good Morning America tracked two sets of parents from Santa Monica, Calif., as they experimented with Karp's "toddler-ese" in an effort to get control of their toddlers. The parents also recorded their own video diaries to chart their progress.

Favorite Phrase: ‘Go Away!’

Kathleen and Adam Chamorro filmed their 3-year-old son Christian howling, hitting and kicking as he threw a tantrum in the park. But at other points on their videotape, the toddler had a sweet demeanor.

"It's amazing, because you can have highs where he says your name and he comes up and gives you a hug and it's just, that's the greatest thing ever," Adam Chamorro said. "And then two minutes later, he's thrown his food across the table and you just want to strangle him. "

Christian's favorite phrase of the moment, is "Go away! Go away! Go away!" He uses it often. "When he hits somebody or when he's rude to somebody, it's 'Go away,'" said his father. "He says that to a lot of people. And that really, really gets on my nerves."

For Miriam and Justin Bookey, the challenge is not only managing 18-month-old Leo's outbursts, but the constant fights with his 3-year-old brother, Jack.

"It's triage," Justin Bookey said. "Whoever's having the biggest meltdown, you address first, and just hope the other one can deal for a little while. "

But Miriam gets worried when Leo gets so worked up that it looks like he is going to hurt himself.

"What is very scary for me and frustrating is when he throws himself down and hits his head on the floor," Miriam Bookey said. "He arches his back and bonks his head. I have to run to catch him before he does it."

Three Steps of Toddler-ese

Karp, author of the new book, which is also on video/DVD, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, has spent 25 years treating thousands of children. Having witnessed countless tantrums, he claims the secret to taming toddlers isn't what you say, but how you say it.

"There are three steps in toddler-ese," Karp said. "The first is short little phrases. The second is that it's very, very repetitive. And the third is that you get close to the level of energy that the child is displaying."

If a child wants a cookie, and the parent doesn't want the child to have one, Karp coaches the parents on how to say to the child, "No. No cookie," in a simple way the child understands.

The toddler years are notoriously stressful on parents. Mothers of toddlers are twice as likely to suffer from depression as other moms, and dealing with the whims of toddlers also puts a tremendous strain on marriages.

"It's affected our relationship in that sometimes we disagree on what to do," Miriam Bookey said. After three weeks of toddler-ese the couples experienced extraordinary results. Christian hits far less often and has fewer meltdowns.

"It's more helpful for me throughout the day to do it and circumvent little problems," Kathleen Chamorro said. "The big tantrums are more infrequent now."

Now that the Bookeys speak fluent toddler-ese, little Leo is calmer, and so is everyone else.

"From what I had seen his tantrums went down about 75 percent, and the intensity of the tantrums was cut in half," Justin Bookey said.

"It's not just about averting a tantrum when it happens," Miriam Bookey said. "It's about preventing tantrums before they happen by communicating and connecting better with your child."

Find out more about Dr. Karp's techniques on his Web site, www.thehappiestbaby.com