HIV-Positive Family Comes Out to Friends

March 9, 2008 — -- For years, Suzan and her family kept a secret. While the Crestwood, Ky. clan looked like the quintessential picture-perfect American family, three of its members quietly battled HIV.

Suzan, her son Mitchell and daughter Alee had contracted HIV. Only Suzan's husband Clay tested negative for HIV.

A Devastating Diagnosis

The diagnosis came as a shock to the family, which first began to suspect something was wrong when the children began to get sick.

When Alee was five and Mitchell still was a newborn, they became deathly ill -- and no one could explain why.

"You don't want to admit that you're losing your child, but we knew we were losing our children," Suzan recalled.

It wasn't until one doctor suggested an AIDS test that the family learned the source of the ailment.

After they learned Mitchell was HIV-positive in 1996, a stunned Suzan and Clay got the entire family tested.

"She said, 'I'm sorry to inform you, but your test tested positive for the HIV antibody.' And I said, 'OK, I've got another number to give you.' I said, 'It's my daughter," Suzan said about the day she learned she had HIV.

"She said, 'Oh my God, it's your daughter?' And I said, 'Yes, it's my daughter.' And she said, 'I'm sorry. She's positive.' And that was it. That was that."

Alee and Mitchell contracted HIV while in the womb. At the time of Suzan's pregnancies, expectant mothers were not routinely checked for the HIV virus.

"The worst part was, for me, that it was because of me that they had it. That was the hardest part," Suzan said.

Delving Into the Past

The revelation prompted Suzan to delve into her past to determine where she may have gotten the disease. Prior to marrying Clay, Suzan was engaged to a young man who she thought died of cancer. But today, she believes he may have died of an AIDS-related condition and passed the virus on to her.

Newly developed drugs helped bring Alee and Mitchell back from the brink and put them on the road to healthier lives.

But after watching what happened to HIV-positive child Ryan White, Suzan and Clay decided they would keep their status a secret. The Indiana boy was ostracized from his town and became the sad face of AIDS before he died of AIDS-related complications at 18, in 1990.

"[I] can't imagine someone doing that to my kids," Clay said. So he made a vow that not even close friends would know of the family's disease and the truth remained in the shadows for more than a decade, even as the family adopted an Ethiopian orphan named Yonas, who also had HIV.

Difficult Decisions

Alee yearned to live a more open life as she grew older.

"Knowing that people don't know about it just kind of ate away inside me," Alee said, who now is 17.

So, she recently convinced her family it was time to come out and be open. A few weeks ago Suzan, Clay, Alee, and Mitchell, now 11, began telling friends and family about the secret they guarded so fiercely for so long.

"I'm very proud of her for succeeding in that," Alee said of her mother's decision to open up.

Feeling blessed and with Alee and Mitchell thriving, Suzan wrote about her family's struggles and triumphs in POZ magazine, an AIDS publication.

"My family is no different than the 'Leave It To Beavers.' The only difference is that my family is HIV positive," Clay said. "Not everybody is going to be accepting. We hope that everyone is, but not everyone is."