Advice Guru: Managing Matters of the Heart

Feb. 14, 2011 — -- I wonder if Valentine's Day doesn't come every year for the simple purpose of forcing each of us to take a glance at the love in our lives. Whether we're married, single, dating, not dating or even slightly dating. Valentine's Day's mere arrival onto the calendar forces you to ask yourself, like it or not, how is the love in your life?

An incredible amount of love relationship questions come in this time of year. How do I find love, nurture love, rekindle love, end it, test it, forgive it? We are inundated with love curiosity and eager to understand it more than we feel we do.

There were an abundance of the same questions asked recently by viewers; all presented in different ways and obviously through unique experiences. It is complicated and personal, but some of its' questions and affects are broad enough to speak to many.

For those of you wondering why the person you're with hasn't proposed marriage, and how long you should wait until he does, (and there are a lot of you). Here's the thing, no one can answer this question but you...for real. They can try. Your mom can tell you to leave now. I can tell you to leave in a week. But the truth is, you have do the work around this. Ask yourself the hard questions, work your heart through it, and find your answers.

Have you ever thought about why it is you want to be married so badly? And don't answer that so fast. Think about it. I say this because so often we just get used to thinking we want something and we begin to forget why. We change over time and grow and learn, yet our thoughts can remain. So remind yourself of who you are and why you want what you want.

Then you have to ask the big question. Does getting married mean enough to you to lose the person you love? This is a profoundly confusing dilemma, and can be answered a thousand different ways. After you have delved into all of this, and feel you understand your thoughts and your stance, then you can attempt to answer your own question.

During this process, if you can learn to surrender completely, meaning get off the "getting married" thing just for a period of time. And choose to focus on your relationship, just spend time and live in it. (You can promise yourself to go back later to being taken over by wanting to get married). There might begin to feel a shift. Changing your focus, can make a huge impact around you. Believe it or not, it can give you the room, and your relationship the air it needs, to move. The changes that can follow this quiet little choice might just shock you.

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For all of the people looking for ways to help them find love, I would start by saying, before you do anything, know that you will find love, because it's what you want, and that thought has to live behind everything. Then, depending upon who you are and what your life looks like, it's important to remember to switch-it-up. What does that mean?

Change your routine, forget joining a club or on-line dating or even blind dates. I assume you're making best efforts already, which include the obvious. Switching-it-up means, changing your regular everyday life just a little bit, and it doesn't cost a dime. It just takes some thought.

For instance, if you don't take walks, start walking a couple blocks every day. If you drive to work, drive almost all the way there and park somewhere different, get out and walk a couple blocks, buy a coffee at a place you've never been. If you normally grocery-shop one place, pick another. Go to the park. Ask your friend to do something you never do.

Go bowling, do anything you can think of that will make your daily life look a little different. The point? You are switching-up the view, exposing yourself to different experiences and people. Your comfort zone is shaken up so you're more aware of your surroundings, more open to something or someone, coming in! Our lives can become so familiar, we forget to notice the world around us. So try it, switch-it-up for a few days and see what happens.

Love is the single biggest emotion any of us ever feel. It's powerful, crazy making, amazing and terrifying. And it drives us, no matter which part of it permeates our lives.

Valentine's Day brings a different experience to each of us, but what the little day can do for all of us regardless of where we stand, is force a glimpse we may otherwise not have taken. So take a second and check in with your heart. Change what you want, and remember to be grateful for what you have.

And have a Happy Valentine's Day!

CLICK HERE to send in a question for 'Advice Guru' Liz Pryor!