Advice Guru Liz Pryor: Ending a Dead-End Relationship

Aug. 9, 2011 -- You're dating someone, you're having doubts, the la la land feeling has worn off and you feel stuck in a relationship.

The relationship is familiar and easy, and you don't like change. You feel torn and confused, but the signs are all there.

The person is lazy, doesn't have a job, is critical, has a weird family, is judgmental, racist, selfish, vapid or perhaps just annoying.

Here's the truth. Getting out of a long-term or even in intense, short-term relationship is never fun.

A breakup like that seldom goes smoothly and often shakes our world in a way we'd rather not have it shaken.

That said, whether we like it or not, knowing that the love has faded and hesitating to address it only avoids the inevitable.

The waiting and pondering we do when a relationship has stalled is simply stall time.

And stall time is stressful, wasteful and complicating.

If we're aware of the stall time but decide we need it, we can accept it and pick a date for ending the relationship.

If we're not aware, and we need a slap of reality, take this opportunity to consider the importance of moving on in your life.

Bite the bullet. Get out of your head, and end the relationship, so that you can begin to move forward and find what it is you need to feel complete and fill your heart.

'There Is Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself'

How many times can we hear an old pearl of wisdom? And how many times can we not really listen?

We can all use a reminder that when we read or hear the old, wise and familiar pearls, we should remember that they have become ingrained in our culture for a reason.

They are here not just to hear and pass them over. These words of wisdom are here to help, guide, direct, inspire and provoke.

So, pay attention. These are the base guides for good living.

Knowing When to Move On

How do you know if ending the relationship is the right thing to do?

Take a day to go somewhere and be by yourself. Go over everything in your mind. Take yourself from the beginning when there was greatness, all the way to where it has landed.

Look at the red flags, the yellow flags and the reality of where you are. Leave nothing unseen, admit it all to yourself, and most likely, you'll make the choice you knew you were going to make when you first sat down.

If there is one thing that never lies, it is our intuition. Questioning your intuition is like playing with fire. Don't do it. Listen to it, and make your move.

The unfortunate news is that there is no easy out of a relationship.

We can't pawn it off, buy it off, step on it or ask someone to end it for us.

The burden of leaving a relationship is entirely on us. We can reach out and look around and ponder and discuss, but in the end, we have to belly up, say the words and live through the process.

It's seldom easy, but finding what makes us the most happy in life is not known to be easy.

Most importantly, we want to learn to push and stretch ourselves in ways we'd rather not. When we find the courage to actually do it, we're so often shocked at the doors it opens and the peace it brings.

After the drudge, the change and the discomfort, there awaits the prize, peace and freedom.

So, if you're waiting for nothing, living in the confusion or hoping you'll wake up one morning and feel differently, take a moment to make the decision you know you need to make.

Moving on is simple. What it leaves behind is what is difficult.