Excerpt: Reach! Finding Strength, Spirit, and Personal Power

June 10, 2002 -- People often said to boxer Laila Ali: "You're so pretty. Why don't you just model or act? Why do you want to box?" In Reach! Finding Strength, Spirit, and Personal Power, the daughter of Muhammad Ali explains how she found power within herself to pursue her dream.

Round 1: Owning Your Own Story

Everyone's story is special. And I believe everyone's story deserves attention. Before I begin, though, I'd like to tell you why I'm telling my story.

At first I hesitated. I've always been a little suspicious of people who write books the minute they get famous. It doesn't matter if they really have anything to say; the point is only to increase their fame. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I told myself, if I write a book, it's going to have to mean something; it's going to have to help people — and tell the truth.

The truth is that my own celebrity is a source on conflict. When I started boxing, I realized the name of the game is winning. The more wins, the more fame. I also knew my famous name was an advantage. But as you'll soon see, fame never attracted me as a child, or as a teenager, or even as a young adult. I associated fame with false friends, fake behavior, and hangers-on. Raised around fame, I saw its downside — and moved in the opposite direction. My close friends were regular people, not celebrities. I lived a life that was private, where no one really cared about my famous family.

My decision to fight changed all that. That decision wasn't easy. To this day, it remains challenging. I'm still adjusting to a public life that often makes me uncomfortable. My essential shyness is still there. I still avoid celebrity parties and high-profile Hollywood gatherings. But reality is reality, and the plain fact is that I've achieved a small dose of fame. The plain fact is also that I'm motivated to inspire others.

I want to do so by honestly describing what I've been through. I can't call this book my life story because, at twenty-four, my life has just begun. At the same time, my youth gives me a unique advantage; my experiences are still fresh. I'm still challenged by decisions on every level — emotional, occupational, spiritual — that young people (and not-so-young people) face every day.

My shyness has kept me from saying much in public. In my interviews, I tend to hold back. Journalists can twist words and take them out of context. Journalists can also provoke rash remarks. So I lay back and keep my comments clipped. A thirty-second sound bite isn't the ideal forum for meaningful self-expression. But a book is. Written from the heart, a book is the best way to show you who I am. And make an impact.

I don't want to exaggerate or overdramatize. I know many people have had a much harder time than I have. And there are those who have had it easier. Comparisons don't prove anything. My point is neither to lament how my life has been rough nor boast how my life has been privileged. I simply want to speak directly to you and share my heartaches, joys, failures, and victories.

I believe I have a gift.

I believe everyone has a gift.

The struggle is in finding a gift, believing in a gift, and allowing the gift to shape our lives. That wasn't easy for me. Like my father, I'm stubborn by nature. Being headstrong has gotten me into trouble and landed me in dangerous situations. I'm not always a fast learner. But when I do learn something, it sticks. I want to tell you what I've learned, not by lecturing but by example. I want you to get to know me.

People are always saying, "You're so pretty. Why don't you just model or act? Why do you want to box?"

This book explains why — why I had to find a path that was right for me, and why we all need to find our own paths. We only have one life to live. When we allow society to define us — as in, pretty girls shouldn't box — we never find that special gift within us. We wind up frustrated, lost, and unhappy.

I know a lot of women judge themselves harshly. Often we're our own worst critic. We tend to beat up on ourselves, blaming ourselves for everything that goes wrong. I'm blessed in being able to avoid that attitude. I don't judge myself and, in this book, I won't judge my story. I also won't judge the people with whom I've interacted. I don't mean that I love everyone who has come my way, but I've come to see everyone has a purpose in my life. They're there to teach me something, if only I'm clear and open enough to learn the lesson.

I've met people who presume I've always been successful. Because I come from a successful family, they think success came naturally. It didn't. I have had to work hard for whatever I've accomplished. I'm still working hard. My success hasn't been easy. My parents, for all their wonderful qualities, didn't give me a lot of guidance. I saw that guidance when I started taking responsibility for myself — and owning my own story.

That means telling it straight, without sugarcoating or excuses. I don't need to sweeten my story, and I don't need to sensationalize it. I simply need to accept it. By accepting it, I'm no longer helpless. I can go on and write a new chapter. I can even take the story to another level. I can be in charge — and not the victim of old circumstances. That's what it means to reach beyond our circumstances, to reach higher and accomplish more.

I believe it all starts with ourselves. That's not being selfish; that's being real. If it's wisdom we want to extend to others, we first have to attain wisdom for ourselves. If we view our past clearly, we have a decent shot at clearly viewing our present — and forging our future in the light of good sense and love.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've been called an old soul. Something about me made people say I was mature beyond my years. But being an old soul didn't prevent me from making mistakes.

We're on this earth to make mistakes. The goal is to learn from those mistakes.

For the sake of clarity, I'm dividing my stories into rounds and pointing out the positive lessons I've learned. Not that I learned in time to avoid the mistakes. You'll see how I messed up. The lessons are there to remind myself — and, I hope, you too — that positive power is all around us, if only we recognize it. The lessons aren't laws or rules but guideposts, little signs to remind us that even out of heartbreak, especially out of heartbreak, we find ways to be strong.

So I'm shining the light on my past. I'm going back to the beginning. I'm telling you the story of how a pretty little girl, born inside a fairy tale, went though life's lost-and-found. I experienced all the stuff kids and teens and young adults experience. I hurt others and I hurt myself. I got into trouble. And I don't apologize for any of it. It's my journey. All I can do is share it with you and thank you for coming along for the ride.

From Reach! Finding Strength, Spirit, and Personal Power By Laila Ali with David Ritz. Excerpted with permission, Hyperion, Copyright 2002.