Dads Widowed Sept. 11 Raise Children Alone

March 11, 2002 -- Though Kayla Richards is too young to know just who is missing, she is wise enough to stick close to her father, saying 'Da-da, dad-da," over and over as though to reassure herself that he is still there.

It has been six months since Sept. 11, and Hopeton Richards still recalls with disbelief how the day his wife died got off to such an ordinary start.

"It was just a normal routine day," Richards recalled. "I kissed my wife and my daughter goodbye, and I said 'see you later.' And I didn't expect that I would still be waiting for my wife to come home...Because the way she left, I never anticipated her leaving like that."

His wife of three years, Venetia, worked at Marsh & McLellan, an insurance company with offices on the 100th floor of Tower 1 at the World Trade Center. Before Sept. 11, the Richards' days were like any other family's routine. But now a 'normal' day means that Richards is acting as father and mother to Kayla, their 18-month-old daughter, who will only know her mother through pictures.

‘A Reason to Keep on Living’

Richards is just one of the widowed fathers struggling to forge a new family in the ashes of his own expectations. As the dads who were left widowed on Sept. 11 raise their children alone, many must also keep their own grief from overwhelming the simple joys of being a toddler, or intruding on the simple world of a baby.

Since Sept. 11, Richards has gone back to school so that he has more time to spend with Kayla. As he finishes up his degree, he leaves Kayla in day care for a few hours each day, then devotes the rest of his time to the toddler. She is the image of her mother, and Kayla's resemblance to his wife both hurts and helps, he said.

"Without her, I don't think I would ever be able to live my life like a normal person again," Richard said. "If I didn't have her, then everything that I had would be gone. And thank God for her. She keeps me going. I just focus on her. She gives me reason to keep on living."

Wearing Mom’s Medal of Honor

Another little girl about the same age as Kayla has also lost her mother to the World Trade Center attacks.

At a special New York Police Department ceremony, 2-year-old Patricia Smith was presented with a medal of honor bestowed posthumously to her mom, NYPD Officer Moira Smith. On Sept. 11, the 37-year-old police officer had run into the burning towers to save others.

Patricia held hands with her father, Police Officer James J. Smith, at the ceremony as she walked on and off the stage, the medal dangling close to her knees.

Her mom loved the water, prompting the city to name one of its ferryboats The Moira Smith, in her honor. Her police say it will be another way for little Patricia Smith to remember her mother, who was one of the first officers to respond to the towers.

"When she grows older and sees this boat, she'll know that her mother was a hero," a police officer said at the ceremony.

Her mother died bravely, and her father now has to live in the same manner.

"God bless Moira, and God bless all those who gave their lives for freedom," Officer James Smith said at the ferry dedication ceremony, breaking into tears. "Thank you."

Children of a ‘Spitfire’

Not all of the Sept. 11 heroes were in uniform.

Sandy called Phil Bradshaw from Flight 93 just before it crashed in Pennsylvania and told him that she was planning to throw boiling water at the hijackers. The 38-year-old flight attendant was among the group of passengers who ganged up and thwarted the hijackers' plans. It came as no surprise to her husband, who knew his wife to be a "spitfire," he said.

"She was a great wife, a great mother, a great human being and very heroic," Phil Bradshaw said. "I can't say enough about my wife. I love her very much. I will always love her."

Now, their 3-year-old daughter Alexandria and 1-year-old son Nathan will be able to learn more about their mother only through their dad's words. The hardest part for him is that his children had no idea that their mom would never come back.

"Every night, my daughter is sitting up in her bed asking for her mother," he said crying. "And I don't know how to stop it."

Baths, Preschool and Gratitude

Phil Bradshaw has spent six months trying to learn the tasks that his wife always handled — giving the children baths, taking Alexandria to pre-school, and preparing the meals. His mother has moved in to help him cope.

"I'll make sure they know everything about their mother," he said. "I just wish she was here to grow up with them."

Richards realizes that someday he will have to tell Kayla about the woman in the photographs that are in their home. Though it may be hard to believe, he feels blessed.

"I'm really happy that I have her to hold onto because that way I can always have a part of my wife with me both spiritually and physically," Richards said. "It makes me do things differently, andthink of people in a different way. It makes me learn to appreciate people even more. I don't take things for granted."