Why Do Girls Accept Dating Violence?

N E W   Y O R K, Aug. 17, 2001 -- Alexandria Hayes, 15, said her boyfriend forced her to do things she didn't want to do. But she agreed to his demands because she was afraid he would break up with her.

Hayes said her boyfriend forced her to give him oral sex. She turned to drinking and drugs in order to deal with what was happening to her.

The boyfriend eventually followed through on his threats to break up with her if she didn't do what he wanted. He left her when she refused to have intercourse with him.

Unfortunately, Hayes' story isn't that rare. One in five girls has experienced physical or sexual violence from a dating partner, according to a study that appeared in the August issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association.

The study also found that abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in risky behavior. They were four to six times more likely to get pregnant and eight to nine times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.

Talk to Your Kids

Many parents talk to their teens about sex and the dangers of alcohol and drugs, but they should also have a sit-down with them on dating violence, experts say.

Dating violence includes any form of sexual assault, physical violence, and verbal or emotional abuse.

Experts say that parents should talk regularly with their kids about how to have a healthy relationship, teaching them the importance of respect, independence and self-worth.

"We need to do much more work with young men, to work with them to prevent this behavior occurring in the first place, and then to intervene with them, hold them accountable when we see this behavior occurring," Jay Silverman, the study's lead author, told Good Morning America. Silverman is the assistant professor of health and social behavior at the Harvard School of Public Health.

When a boy exhibits extreme feelings of jealousy, a girl might find it flattering.But experts say jealous and possessive behavior can be a form of abuse.

Examples of verbal or emotional abuse can range from insults and name-calling to using a pager or cell phone as a form of control over the other person.

Experts suggest that parents get to know the person their child is dating. For girls, in particular, it is important that an adult male member of the family communicates to the boy that the girl is under his care, and that the boy will be held accountable for bad behavior.

Warning Signs

In her book But I Love Him: Protecting your Teen Daughter from Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships, author Jill Murray suggests looking for the following signs to see if your teen daughter is in a bad relationship:

Before she met her boyfriend, she had more friends than she does now.

Her grades have declined.

She was more outgoing and involved with family and activities.

She cries frequently or is very sad.

If he pages her, she must immediately call back.

He told her that he loved her early on in the relationship.

He gets jealous if she looks at or chats with another boy.

She has unexplained bruises.

He is aggressive and has a troubled family life that involves physical abuse, drinking or drugs.

She has become critical of her own appearance, talents and abilities.

If you want more information on dating violence, check out the Center for Domestic Violence Prevention's advice for teen relationships, or the Action Web site.