Suicide Support Sites Can Pose Danger to Teens

Aug. 15, 2006— -- Three years later, the pain still felt by a California family can still serve as a lesson to us all: Don't hesitate to talk to a troubled teenager.

"She's in my heart every day," said that teen's dad, Mike Gonzales. "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her."

It's a horrifying story about Internet danger, and was first told in Seventeen magazine. In 2003, Suzanne Gonzales, a 19-year-old college student, killed herself three months after she began visiting an online discussion group for people who want to talk about suicide. Gruesome as it sounds, there are many sites out there about suicide, anorexia, self-injury.

"Suzanne made me laugh and smile every day that I saw her," said her mother, Mary Gonzales.

She was creative and quirky and wore glasses with no lenses just because they looked cool.

"She was on the computer a lot," said her mother. "She was a computer geek."

Suzanne's straight-A's in high school got her a full college scholarship in Florida -- far from her sister and parents in Red Bluff, Calif.

"What parents need to realize is that unlike most other situations teens can find themselves in, this one is completely new," said Atoosa Rubenstein, editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. "It's not something parents can think back to from their own childhood and remember how their parents handled this. This is new because of the online technology we have and parents need to be aware of it. You don't want your children hanging out with the wrong crowd. And these Web sites are even worse than that. They are the wrong crowd devoted to the wrong topic. The Internet sites for anorexia may be the most popular."

Behind her smile, Suzanne had become withdrawn and very depressed. Her close friends didn't know why. Her family didn't know at all. Sometimes there are very visible signs that a teen is struggling with depression, and Rubenstein said it is important to know them and act on them if they appear.

"If you suspect your teen is depressed or not eating, don't just worry about alienating them. Don't wait for them to come to you," she said. "You might not have the luxury of time. I get a lot of letters from parents of children who say they wish they had acted sooner. So be nosy and don't worry about being too respectful of your children. Monitor their online activity. Your primary concern should not be whether you are invading their privacy."

Doug Wiser never met Suzanne but remembers her messages when he, too, visited that Internet site.

"She announced that she was simply bored with life, and that she had no pleasure out of doing anything," he said.

Wiser, a retired insurance broker who twice tried to take his own life, complained that Web site subscribers rarely counsel or analyze why someone feels despondent but instead endorse suicide techniques.

"She got confirmation that it was her right to commit suicide without anybody criticizing it," Wiser said. "She got affirmation that her thinking was correct."

Suzanne Gonzales killed herself with potassium cyanide and left behind an e-mail to her family that read: "If you haven't heard by now, I have passed away."

That was three years ago. Today the Gonzales family still lives in pain, and still wonders why their daughter took her life. They'll always wonder if they could have saved Suzanne.

"It tears me apart knowing that I can't figure it out," said Mike Gonzales. "I'm her father. I was her daddy. I was supposed to take care of things and didn't get the chance."

Their living room holds a shrine to Suzanne: her scooter; the Christmas ornaments she made; her 4-H badge; and the high school prom picture with the dress made of her favorite fabric, which was red with white polka dots. Next to a container with the ashes of her dog, Patty, is a box with Suzanne's remains. Her parents drove them home from college.

"We had her cremated and on the ride back, cross-country, from Florida to California she was sitting between us," Mike Gonzales said.

In the final e-mail to her family, she wrote that she alone made this choice and that "nobody else has aided me in this decision."

Still, her parents want to make the public aware that these sites exist and how they might affect vulnerable, depressed Internet surfers.

"We have talked to our congressional representatives to see if we can get some of the laws changed to make these people more responsible for their actions."

It won't be easy. The manager of a cyber center in Redding, Calif., where teens surf the Internet without their parents around says effective policing is practically impossible.

"You cannot make an Internet law for the whole Internet because we do not own the Internet," said Ron Haddock, manager of C-ZONE. "It's worldwide."

But Suzanne's family will talk to anybody who will listen about the potential perils of an Internet site promoting suicide.

"Yes, Suzanne was depressed," Mike Gonzales said. "Yes she was suicidal. But the fatal error with her was joining this news group where they encourage you to give up hope and that suicide is basically the only option of help."

"Parents need to talk about the existence of these Internet sites," Rubenstein said. "You can use this very sad story as a jumping off point if you need to. You need to tell your children that anyone can start a Web site. But that doesn't mean they are an expert or a professional. So kids should look for sites that end with dot-gov or dot-edu, because anyone can buy a domain name that ends with dot-com or dot-net. Also, tell your children that when visiting an Internet site, they need to look for information from a doctor or a professional. If an Internet site only has real-life stories on it, it could be dangerous. Same goes for support group sites when there is no professional weighing in."

The Gonzaleses are still undergoing counseling, three years after their daughter left them. Sometimes, Mary Gonzales drives Suzanne's car, just to feel closer to her.

"Shifting the gearshift knob and holding the steering wheel is a link to her. Because she held the steering wheel and she used that gearshift and in that way, I feel her presence," she said.

Atoosa Rubenstein's tips to help or spot a troubled teen:

Talk about online dangers with your children.

Bookmark safe Web sites.

Act on hunches and be nosy.