Excerpt: 'Man With Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor'

By
ABC News
January 6, 2006, 6:03 AM ET
3 min read

April 26, 2005 — -- Laura Schaefer, a writer for the dating Web site Match.com, has put together a compendium of pathetic and poignant personal ads through the years -- dating as far back as the 1800s.

You can read an excerpt from the book, "Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time," below.

"SWM, OLD, FAT, balding, many disgusting habits seeks SWF with money. Send pictures of your house, car, RV. This could be your lucky day."

-- http://www.lonsberry.com/writers/LBonsberry/index.cfm?story=8025

"YOUNG MAN, MODERATE circumstances and who has glass eye, would like to form the acquaintance of young girl who has a glass eye or some other deformity not more severe; object, matrimony. Address--."

-- The Coshocton Daily Age Ohio, August 17, 1903

"Eliza, you can return to the house. The boil on my nose is gone."

-- Godey's Lady's Book April, 1873, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Reprinted from a French paper; courtesy AccessibleArchives.com

"Prosperous businessman seeks acquaintance of widow or divorcee occupying own flat. Object matrimony. Please send full particulars of flat. Box 703."

-- The Record-Eagle November 14, 1951; Reprinted from a New Delhi, India paper

"SAN QUENTIN CONVICT, I am 26 years old, Hawaiian, doing time for robbery. I'd dig hearing from chicks that aren't hung up on middle class Amer. Type life! If you're into the communal organic bag, that's outasite. Saying what you think and feel is beautiful. Don't know anyone in Ca. as I got busted right after coming from Hawaii, so it'll be an experience fro me too. Will answer all. Peace!"

-- The Los Angeles Free Press, 1971

"HELP, PLEASE CATCH me before my boobs start to sag. I wasn't able to respond to your ad in time. We may be what we are both looking for. Please call! 45768"

-- Chicago Reader February 14th, 2004

"In my bedroom, you'll find: lots of homemade furniture. And I'm not talking about quality woodworking craftsmanship here. I'm talking about furniture that's been cobbled together with bailing wire and duct tape. But in a classy way. Also, you'll find that I'm not actually living in a bedroom. It's more of a closet, really."

-- "rocketboy1" Spring Street Network Feb. 17, 2004

Excerpted with permission from "Man with Farm Seeks Woman with Tractor: The Best and Worst Personal Ads of All Time," by Laura Schaefer. Published by Thunder's Mouth Press. Copyright © 2005 by Laura Schaefer.