A Woman Scorned: Justice After Cheating
Aug. 1, 2005 — -- When Michelle Druyun began dating Scott, an officer with the Los Angeles Police Department, she wrote in her diary, "He treats me better than any guy ever. He is kind, patient and very forgiving."
Michelle said Scott was the first man she felt she could truly trust. "It was not love at first sight, but when I fell, it was real and it was forever, and it was with all my heart," she said.
After nearly two years of dating, Michelle and Scott were married. But just after their third wedding anniversary, Michelle suspected Scott was cheating on her. She did some amateur detective work of her own and found e-mail exchanges between Scott and a dancer at a local strip club.
"I was shocked. I was shaking, I was physically ill," Michelle said of her reaction to the e-mails.
Michelle eventually extracted a confession from Scott. She was heartbroken, but Scott was willing to do anything to save their marriage and promised never to lie again.
They agreed together that he would write a letter, addressed to his superiors at the L.A.P.D. and confess his infidelity, admitting to having sexual relations in his patrol car while on duty. Michelle threatened to hand the letter over to Scott's superiors at the police department if he strayed again. They even had the letter notarized and kept it in a safe deposit box.
But over the next year as the couple tried to work things out, Michelle's hope for a new beginning was not to be. She believed Scott had not told her the full truth about his affair and realized he was not the man she fell in love with.
With the letter in hand, she decided to go to his boss. After a disciplinary board reviewed the charges, they recommended his termination, and Scott resigned from the police force.
What to Do If You Suspect a Cheating Spouse
Cheating is something many spouses are forced to confront. A 2004 ABC News American Sex Survey reported 16 percent of adults have cheated, with 21 percent of men reporting they have. Of the 11 percent of women who cheated, 33 percent said they did it to fill an emotional need.
Marital counselor Diana Kirschner offered these tips on how to approach a spouse suspected of cheating rather than going to the extreme of having them fired:
Watch Your Spouse's Actions: Watch non-verbal actions. Some clues of lying include a failure to look you in the eye, nail biting and tremors in the leg. Turning you into the bad guy is also a clear sign.
Insert Yourself Into Your Spouse's Life: Show up at the poker game, saying that you're bringing a bag of chips. Make sure your spouse's whereabouts match what he or she tells you.
Confront the Truth: Once you find out the truth, make a decision about whether to stay or go. In some cases, the right decision might be to give your spouse a second chance, but some people use infidelity as a way to force a relationship to end. If your spouse is not remorseful, you have to confront the truth and free yourself.
For more tips from Dr. Kirschner, Click Here.