What Are The Keys To A Successful, Healthy, Long-Term Relationship?

February 13, 2009 -- Question: What are the keys to a successful, healthy, long-term relationship?

Answer: Well that is a very complicated question and I'm sure different people would give different answers. I will often talk to patients about the four Ts. That's time, trust, talk and touch. Because time spent with each other is probably the most bonding thing you could do.

The other thing we now know from research is that we often talk about being on the same team or being empathic and it's really important to be there for the person when something bad happens.

But we now know that it's also equally and even more important be there in a very active way, celebrating with the person when something goes well for them. So those are all very important. And forgiveness, forgiving things that people did to you that hurt your feelings.

One more note is if you're someone who came from a physically or emotionally abusive or neglectful background -- and that's a third of us -- you might want to do some individual psychotherapy because your feelings are more apt to get hurt and it'll ruin your current relationship if you don't deal with what happened to you in the past.

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