Men's Health: Clear Cut Symptoms

Sept. 15, 2000 -- When you go to the mechanic, you talk mechanic language.

You say your engine has a ping, a sputter, a rattle, or a grrrrch. Then you beg the guy not to steal all your money. We say, do the same thing when you go to the doctor. We asked a bunch of M.D.’s how to describe symptoms so they’ll know what the hell you’re talking about.

Chest Issues

“Deep, aching pain, and pressure......like I’m wearing a heavy X-ray vest.My left arm feels as if it’s fallen asleep.”

Possible problem: A heart attack. A blocked artery has cut off blood to your heart. Chew an aspirin tablet and call 911. The aspirin will prevent a fatal clot; chewing it will make it work faster, says Richard A. Stein, M.D., a spokesman for the American Heart Association. Don’t wait to see if it works before calling an ambulance.

“It hurts to breathe, like I’m stuck at the bottom of a dogpile.”

Possible problem: Asthma. Smoke or some other trigger has caused your airways to swell and the muscles to contract around them, making it hard to breathe. Grab a cup of coffee on the way to the doctor. The caffeine will open your bronchial passages by relaxing the muscles that surround them.

“Burning pain behind my sternum, as though I’d barfed and it only came halfway up.”

Possible problem: Acid reflux. The muscle that lets food into your stomach and keeps acid from leaving has improperly opened, allowing gastric juice to shoot into your esophagus. Pick up a pack of Juicy Fruit — gum helps you produce saliva, your body’s version of Pepto-Bismol. And stay away from peppermint, which aggravates the condition. See your doctor if you suffer frequently, since chronic reflux can be a sign of esophageal cancer.

Stomach

“A wicked stitch in my right side......that’s getting worse.Some jabs take my breath away.”

Possible problem: Appendicitis. A virus has infected your digestive tract, causing inflammation, or the tube connecting the large intestine and the appendix is blocked by trapped stool. See a doctor — the only treatment is surgical removal. But before you get there, avoid taking painkillers or laxatives. Tylenol or aspirin can mask your symptoms, and laxatives can create pressure in the digestive tract, bursting the appendix.

“A burning in my gut, as if I’d swallowed a lit cigarette.”

Possible problem: A peptic ulcer. H. pylori bacteria or overuse of anti-inflammatory drugs has created a hole in your stomach lining that’s irritated by stomach acid. Don’t drink milk to soothe the pain. It contains proteins that stimulate acid secretion. Eat a piece of bread instead, to sop up excess acid. And see your doctor. Antibiotics can permanently cure 80 to 90 percent of peptic ulcers.

“Sharp, pinpoint pain 6 inches above my belly button.”

Possible problem: Gallstones. Little rocks of bile are created by excess cholesterol in your gallbladder. See a doctor to decide on drug treatment or surgery.

Urinary Problems

“When I pee......that’s getting worse.Some jabs take my breath away.”

Possible problem: Enlarged prostate. As the prostate grows (it happens to many men if they live long enough), it compresses the urethra, the tube through which urine passes. The result is the same as when you step on a garden hose. Talk to your doctor about taking a saw palmetto supplement.

A study in the Journal of Urology found that 106 milligrams a day reduces symptoms. If this doesn’t work, ask your doctor about prescription medication or surgery.

“I’m peeing battery acid.”

Possible problem: Gonorrhea, a sexually transmitted bacterial infection. See a doctor for antibiotics. Bring your partner with you to be tested.

“Like my penis is in a tiny noose.”

Possible problem: A urinary-tract infection. Bacteria from the digestive tract spread to your bladder, and the inflammation makes it feel constricted. If the infection goes untreated, the kidneys may be next. Antibiotics will clear up the problem within a day or two, but in the meantime, put a heating pad on your abdomen. It will relieve pain by relaxing muscles and bringing fresh blood to cart away infection.