Sasha Gardner: 'I Used to Get Really Upset'

Jan. 3, 2007— -- British model Sasha Gardner's career is still on the way up, and at first glance, the 25-year-old seems perfect. But Gardner had an imperfection that was also her big secret.

"If I see a perfect woman or a perfect guy, but there's probably something, if you spoke to them, that they're not happy about either," said Gardner, who lives in Bournemouth, England.

Some shots of Gardner modeling lingerie reveal a lot of her body, but what you won't ever see is her right ear. Gardner was born deaf in one ear, a disability coupled with a deformity called microtia that affects about one in 10,000 people.

"It's not ever stopped me from doing things that I want to do," she said.

Growing up, Gardner said she pretty much took her disability in stride, until other children wouldn't let her.

"Some children say things because they're just curious. But others mean it to torment someone else," she said. "So I tried to make out that it was fun, and I used to laugh. … And then I used to go home and get really upset."

Sharing Her Secret

Gardner said she used to go home and cry, but as she grew older, she also grew more self-assured. Her ear -- or lack of ear -- simply wasn't going to define who she was, but there were always reminders of the deformity, such as one night at a bar while having a drink with a young man.

"I remember it was really hot in the bar, so I went to put my hair [up], so it was off my back and he saw my ear and he was like, 'Oh, my God, what is that? That is disgusting,'" she recalled. "And I just thought, you're a grown man, you know, I'm a young woman. You shouldn't, you shouldn't do that."

Gardner was able to neatly hide her deformity in pictures, but not on the set of a photo shoot.

"When a makeup artist is doing my makeup, you know, naturally they want to put your hair behind your ear. … And I know it's coming, but they don't."

Gardner said in the past she didn't tell makeup artists about her ear in advance because "it's quite embarrassing to say."

Gardner did talk about her disability with those close to her, like her boyfriend of five years, Matthew Churcher. She said she told him right away.

"It was unexpected," said Churcher. "But it just, honestly … it just didn't faze me. It wasn't a problem. Sasha is Sasha, and you know, it's not an issue."

'What Have I Done?'

Earlier this year, Gardner decided it was an issue, and that it was time to do something. She had the option of getting a removable prosthetic ear, but that didn't appeal to her. Gardner decided on choice No. 2: ear reconstructive surgery. It's a sophisticated procedure that until recently was used by only a handful of plastic surgeons around the world.

First, a piece of cartilage was removed from Sasha's rib cage. Using a template modeled after her good ear, Dr. David Gault, a surgeon at Bishop Wood Hospital in London, sculpted the cartilage into an ear.

"I need two skills," said Gault. "One is to make a nice shape. So that's my Michelangelo bit. But the other is the biology bit. We have to have a little covering envelope that will wrap round the ear that is alive. If we make it too thin, it won't survive, or there will be holes in it without a blood supply. If we make it too thick, it will look very, very ugly."

The new ear, in its pouch of skin, was carefully positioned and attached to Sasha's head during a seven-hour operation. The surgery succeeded, although Gardner said that at the time it didn't feel as if it had.

"I just cried my eyes out when they took that bandage off … when I first saw it," she said. "I felt really bad because I didn't want them to think that I was being ungrateful, because I wasn't. But I just looked in the mirror and thought, 'What have I done?'"

But as soon the swelling went down, Gardner was thrilled with the results. Part of Gardner's original ear remains. "They'll take this off on the second stage," she said.

The second procedure is scheduled for later this month. Gault will fine-tune Gardner's new ear and add some cartilage that will release it from the side of her head. After that final procedure, Gardner's ear will look like an ear.

Growing Confidence

She still won't be able to hear out of her right ear, but in that unattainable quest for perfection, it will look nearly perfect. And after 25 years, she can stop repeating what has become her mantra.

"You can't go through your life worrying about what people think, because it doesn't matter," she said, although she admitted she's still learning that lesson herself.

"[Having the operation] was one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make, and I think 75 percent of the decision was because it was for me and no one else. And 25 percent was probably because of what everyone else has said to me," she said.

Gardner said she's now "more confident in myself, definitely," and she believes that her new beauty is more than just skin deep.

"Without question, this operation has improved my confidence. … I feel complete."