After 10 Years of Being a Mom, 10 Things I Know for Sure

— -- Ten Mother’s Days ago, with a 5-month-old baby girl who had been diagnosed with Down syndrome at birth, I already had a sense that this journey of motherhood would grow me up more than I had ever imagined. And once Penny’s brother and sister joined our family, I started to realize that having kids, in general, and not just having a child with a disability, was going to change me in plenty of unexpected ways.

As I approach my 10th Mother’s Day, I’ve been thinking about 10 things I’ve learned in 10 years of being a mom:

1. Baby wipes are a mother’s best friend.

It took my kids getting out of diapers to finally learn how crucial these items can be. We keep them in every bathroom and, most importantly, in the car (except in winter) for the inevitable stickiness that follows us everywhere we go.

2. Disability is a magnifying glass.

When Penny was born with Down syndrome, I thought we had been catapulted into a new and different world of parenting kids with special needs. Now that I have three kids, I’ve discovered that Penny helps me understand more clearly that all kids need nurture, guidance and love.

3. Germs and dirt are our friends.

All of my children have eaten dirt. Just the other day, I came upon Marilee eating a handful of Craisins off the floor of William’s school. Some of this comes down to negligent parenting, but studies have recently shown that exposure to germs and dirt can build immunity and reduce allergies. Letting go of perfect hygiene has helped me let go of thinking I can control their health and happiness, too.

4. Reading matters.It’s tough in the midst of busy days with homework, activities, practices and the distraction of screen-based entertainment, but reading makes a tremendous positive difference in family life. Sure, it has educational benefits. More importantly, it offers a way for us to become friends with our kids through stories.

5. Get help when you need it. When we moved to a new state, I thought I should be the stable force in our kids’ lives. I found myself yelling more than ever before. Whether it's for pay or in a shared arrangement with others, when I’m at the end of myself as a parent, I need to remember it is good for me and for my kids to ask for help when we need it.

6. Organized sports can wait.

When our son William was 4, we tried soccer for the first time. Most Saturdays, he came off the field looking more dejected than energized. As it turns out, the average age for kids to start playing organized sports is around 7. I’m just an overeager (and overanxious!) parent. This spring, I’m letting Marilee play on the playground and ignore soccer.

7. Take the medicine cabinet on vacation.

On our first family vacation, William developed an ear infection, and the pharmacy was closed for the night. Thankfully, every other parent at our hotel was better prepared than I, so we had Advil and antibacterial eardrops within minutes. If you are lucky enough that your kids don’t need meds on vacation, at least you can help the desperate mom in the room next door.

8. We are all human beings.

My mantra as a mother has become, “We are limited, fallible, and beloved.” It’s true of our kids: They spill their milk (limited), they hit each other (fallible), they look to their parents for affection and affirmation (beloved). It’s true of me, too. I don’t garden or do crafts (limited). I feel cranky with our kids far more often than they deserve (fallible). And they love me right back.

9. The years are short.

As a mother with an infant or a toddler, some days went by in an excruciating crawl through tending to various bodily needs that usually involved something wet. The hours, the days, the years were long. But now that all three kids are in school -- which means for the majority of their lives -- the hours, the days and the years do indeed fly by.

10. Love.

Being a mother always involves sacrifice. Giving to our children in even the simplest ways -- making their breakfast, drying their tears, listening to their stories -- always means giving up something else. But when sacrifice emerges from love, it somehow enables that love to grow -- slowly, steadily, in a way that breaks us wide open and makes us new.

Amy Julia Becker is the author of "Small Talk: Learning from my Children About What Matters Most." She lives with her husband and three children in western Connecticut.