Conquering the Business World With Kindness

Feb. 5, 2007 — -- This is for those unlucky people who have ever had a toxic boss, an undermining co-worker or an office environment that seems designed to crush your soul. Two titans of New York's business world say the era of mean has past. They insist the way to get ahead in business these days is, surprisingly, by being nice.

"The reality is mean doesn't work any more. Mean is so last millennium," says Linda Kaplan Thaler. She and her business partner Robin Koval, divas of the advertising world, are using their marketing savvy to spread that message with their new book, "The Power of Nice."

"Nice actually makes financial sense," says Koval.

"The old adage, 'it pays to be nice,' literally really works," says Kaplan Thaler.

Kaplan Thaler and Koval, dervishes of high energy, run the Kaplan Thaler Group, one of the fastest growing ad firms in the nation with more than $1 billion in billings last year. Their firm has clients any agency would envy: Revlon, Office Depot and AFLAC. They are the masterminds behind the AFLAC duck and they're challenging the business world to adopt their niceness strategy.

'Nice Has an Image Problem'

"Look at the books out there, 'Swim With the Sharks' and 'Business Tactics of Attila the Hun,'" laughs Kaplan Thaler. "What's next, 'Backstabbing Your Co-workers for Dummies'?"

"Nice has an image problem. Nice does not mean being naïve; it doesn't mean being a marshmallow. It means knowing how to get what you want without having to necessarily step over everybody in your wake," says Koval. "Real successful people are the ones who get everybody to say, 'you know, I'd follow that guy off the deck of a ship.'"

Their clients insist they practice what they preach.

"I think they're disarmingly nice to be honest with you," says a client from Liz Claiborne, who believes the women's niceness helps their bottom line. "It makes you want to develop the relationship further and develop other things with them."

Employees seem to be thrilled to be part of the "nice" team. One gushed, "I come to work wanting to be here. Every office has its fights but people don't hold onto stuff here."

According to Kaplan Thaler and Koval, mean bosses get all the media coverage, especially when they're women. They point out that society loves to see powerful women, such as Carly Fiorina, Martha Stewart and even Naomi Campbell, brought to their knees.

In the movies we love to hate the evil female bosses. Sigourney Weaver's character in "Working Girl" is a prime example, as is Faye Dunaway's shamelessly ambitious news executive in "Network." And still there's the villainous female ad exec played by Heather Locklear in "Melrose Place." And, of course, Meryl Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada."

Get Ahead by Practicing the Golden Rule

Kaplan Thaler and her partner Koval say, "that's not reality." Both insist they've become successful by practicing the golden rule. They view kindness as a cunning business strategy. "It's not just that it's good karma. Every time you're nice, you're also planting a seed out there. And you don't know whether that seed is going to flower a year from now or 20 years from now," says Kaplan Thaler.

Debra Condren, career coach and author of "AmBITCHous," scoffs that this is precisely the kind of message that keeps people, especially women, down at work.

"We're socialized to think that we have to be nice to other people all the time to embody the qualities that a good woman is supposed to embody," says Condren. "We're grown women, we're not girls and it's okay to be tough to compete. Let's face it, you have to play hardball sometimes and you can do it with integrity and respect. It's wise to take our share of the lion's feast and take what is due."

But Kaplan Thaler and Koval insist they're reaping the rewards of nice. They say you can, too, if you follow these tips for on-the-job kindness:

Don't hog the credit. "I like inclusiveness. If you have a an idea and you want something done, make the other people feel like they're part of it and they've created it with you," says Kaplan Thaler. "The great part of it is, when you win something, everybody, even the messenger and the person with the receptionist, feels secretly 'I won this.' And that's a great feeling."

Put candy around the office because it makes people feel good. Kaplan Thaler says: "When you're in a business situation, when you're feeling good, you're more open to listening to people's ideas. This is absolutely physiologically true. Give people sweet things. Give people comfortable seats. Make them feel good. When you feel good you're open to listening."

Smile as often as possible. "We're all basically apes, we all mimic each other. You'd have to be almost insane if someone smiles at you, you're going to smile back," says Kaplan Thaler. "Then people come back to us and say, 'wow everyone's so much friendlier at this place.' Well, maybe because you're smiling now."

The women say they've won clients in a tough race with an equally talented firm. How? The client was impressed that the team at the Kaplan Thaler Group seemed to enjoy working with one another.

Practice the golden rule: be kind to everyone from the messenger to the CEO. They claim Frank, the security guard at their Manhattan office building, won them a major account.

An executive from the Midwest with a huge account was wary of working with a big city advertising firm, but Frank put them at ease when he greeted them with a huge smile and escorted them to the elevators. Koval recalls: "By the time they got to our floor, the CEO of the company said, 'you're going to have to prove that you're smart, you're going to have to prove that you're really creative. But I can tell right now that you're the kind of company that we really want to work with because anyone that would have someone like Frank working for them gets us because we believe in being kind to people.' We won the account."

Find a positive way of giving criticism. "Instead of saying wow this is really bad, say, 'yeah, this is kind of interesting. I think we could keep these two ideas, but did you ever think of maybe adding X, Y and Z?' Now, since your co-worker has to work all weekend to redo it, you want them to feel good about it. It's worth it if they march out of the office thinking you've really appreciated their work and they had some interesting points." Kaplan Thaler and Koval say this encourages more creativity.

'Bring Your Baggage to Work'

The last may be the most controversial tip of all. They say bosses should let employees share their personal problems at work. "We have a phrase here, we say bring your baggage to work because we want the whole person to come," explains Koval. Kaplan Thaler adds, "once you let something out, you're free to do a lot of other things better. And if you're holding those things in, it's very hard for people to be creative."

Career coach Condren takes issue with almost every tactic the nice ladies employ. She says the advice could hold women back. She objects to their emphasis on sharing credit.

"Women have been raised to think it is better to thank someone else or give credit to someone else. Taken to the extreme it costs us big time."

She laughs off the notion that you should put out candy at work. "We aren't mommy at work. Do men put candies on their desk?" She's also particularly aghast that anyone would encourage employees to get emotional in the office. "It's just unprofessional and makes us look weak. Our colleagues and our clients are going to wonder, 'gee, if she can't hold it together, how is she going to handle that deal, how is she going to handle hostile fire?'"

'Steer Clear of the Nice Trap'

She says certain bosses and personality types will always be abusive. She says women need to steer clear of the "nice" trap. "It's the last advice women need to hear, we've heard it all our lives: hide your feelings and put everyone's needs before your own. What if your turn never comes?"

Kaplan Thaler and Koval argue that bringing the golden rule into the workplace may reflect the growing influence of women at work. But they say it is the wave of the future and it applies to men as well.

"I think for men it's freeing for them to realize they actually can be more successful and get better results and get promoted faster by being nice guys, because I think most men are nice guys."

Kaplan Thaler and Koval cite evidence that niceness leads to positive business results. The CEO of one their major clients, AFLAC, says the nice ladies helped his bottom line. "Yes, I love these women. Our sales were up 29% in the first year of the AFLAC duck, 28% the second year and 16.5% the third so we doubled in a three-year period. And I have been pleased to no end with our performance."

Niceness Helps Outside Workplace Too

The darling duo insists it works in other fields too. "You know, nice people get sued less. Doctors who speak to their patients on an average of three minutes more than the average doctor almost never get sued. Nice people are luckier in love. They have half the divorce rate. Nice people also live longer. People who are altruistic and help others have a longer life span."

You can't underrate the value of happiness. "The fact is, I think this is a way to be successful and be pretty happy at the same time," says Koval with a big grin.

They swear nice girls do get the corner office. You should see Kaplan Thaler's!