Large, Donut-Wielding Simpson Angers Pagans

July 31, 2007 — -- No one is exactly sure who the famous Giant of Cerne Abbas is. The origins of this giant club-wielding naked figure carved into the chalk hillside of Dorset, England, are unknown.

But there's no mistaking his new neighbor: A grinning fat man wearing underpants and wielding a donut. Homer has been painted onto the damp Dorset incline next to the Giant to promote the new Simpsons movie. And not everyone is happy with this incongruous pair.

"Well, I don't like it meeself," said one sour-looking tourist. "We've got the historic value of the man, the Giant, and yet this looks more like a comedy feature. And I just don't think it's appropriate to have both of them next to each other."

English pagans are also upset. There are reports that some have been doing rain dances, enticing a deluge to wash the fat man away. Homer's figure is biodegradable white paint that is supposed to be able to wash away.

The rain dances appear to have worked. Last week England suffered its worst floods in 60 years -- but Homer is still there.

"They had said when they were doing it that the paint would be gone in a couple of days," said Rob Rhodes of the National Trust, which owns the Giant. "So, it's not great. But, you know, it's a piece of fun."

Homer's Donut Becomes Fertility Hot Spot

Homer was created by Peter Stewart, who normally paints advertising logos on sports fields. "We made sure it was going to be there for a while," he told me with a smile. "The underpants were challenging, because there's a dip in the hill exactly where the crotch area is."

Local farmer Henry Digby owns the hillside on which Homer is painted. Apparently, this isn't the first time he's been approached by would-be advertisers keen to cash in on the Giant's iconic status.

"A number of ideas came up about Viagra and everything else, which I felt were pretty inappropriate," Digby said. "But when the idea of having Homer up here came, it just struck me that it would be fun as well as a commercial thing."

The most famous bit of the Giant is his crotch area: sans underpants. Some believe he is a fertility god. "There's a theory that he brings on fertility," a Mr. Hughes of the National Trust told me. "So people come here who are having problems conceiving children, and I've heard stories that it works, and if you make out on the Giant you suddenly become fertile."

Couples are now visiting the ring of Homer's donut, hoping for a similar effect.

Homer's Spiritual Home?

The truth is, no one knows if the Giant is an ancient god, fertile or otherwise. He's first mentioned in local historical records in 1694. Some say the Giant is a cruel caricature of Oliver Cromwell, an English Civil War leader unpopular with the local land owner. Others think he's the creation of disgruntled monks, made unhappy when the local abbey was closed. Many want to believe he's prehistoric, a spiritual symbol of an ancient people.

Farmer Digby is not sure. His family gave the Giant to the National Trust and he believes this damp corner of Dorset might actually be Homer's spiritual home.

"That sounds like a pretty wacky theory," he admits. "But when you actually look at the facts … the closest road to the Giant is actually called Springfield."

A bit of a stretch, but there's no doubt the English have taken Homer to their hearts. Visitor numbers to the Giant are up, despite England's dreadfully dreary summer weather. And most are here to see Homer, to catch him before the paint does wash off.

Homer and the Giant seem to be kindred spirits. The incongruous pairing works. Both of them make us smile. And at least Homer is wearing underpants.