Top 6 Ways Stephen Colbert Could Spend His Super PAC Cash
Colbert's Super PAC has $768,000 in the bank. What's he going to do with it?
June 21, 2012 — -- intro: Stephen Colbert's got money in the bank. Or rather the comedian's super PAC has cash in its coffers.
Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow's war chest is rolling $768,000 deep, according to the latest financial disclosure reports. And while the stream of donations has slowed to a trickle -- the PAC pulled in a mere $8,000 in May -- its three-quarters of a million dollars stockpile could still cause some hilarity between now and November.
If Colbert's past PAC-related antics are any inspiration, here's what Colbert may do with that $768,000 over the next five months of the 2012 election.
quicklist: 1title: Team up with bygone candidates to make increasingly odd adstext: In increasingly odd ads throughout the GOP primary, Colbert urged Iowa voters to pick Rick "Parry" with an "a" (for "America") instead of an "e." He told South Carolina voters to pick a "Herman Cain" that looked shockingly like Stephen Colbert.
He also subtly hinted from atop a unicorn that voters could pick Buddy Roemer, in a video that featured Roemer but did not technically coordinate with the independent presidential candidate's campaign.
With those often-absurd videos under his belt, the general election could come with an array of similarly sarcastic ads. Heads up, Gary Johnson, Colbert seems to have a penchant for long-shot campaigns.
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quicklist: 2title: Become the official sponsor of the 2012 general electiontext: He struck out trying to buy the South Carolina primary, but maybe he would have more luck becoming the official sponsor of the 2012 election.
Six months after offering up $500,000 to buy the naming rights for his home state's GOP primary, Colbert has an extra $268,000 to convince the Federal Election Committee to re-name November's general election "The Colbert Super PAC Presidential Election."
Hey, a comedian can dream…
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quicklist: 3title: Make more corn porntext: What's more convincing than a piping hot cob of corn drenched in melting butter? That's what Colbert asked Iowans in a Colbert Super PAC ad teeming with "corn-ography" that ran before Iowa's Ames Straw Poll.
As a swing state, Iowa could be just as important in the general election as it was in the primary. And after a year of practice, the Colbert super PAC's steamy corn filming skills are sure to be first-rate.
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quicklist: 4title: Launch a last-ditch effort to take over the White Housetext: Colbert is a professional tease when it comes to running for president. He launched a bid for both party's primaries in 2008. He played the "will he or won't he" game for weeks at the start of the 2012 election's primary. And he seriously flirted with running in the South Carolina primary.
With his super PAC's monetary might at his back, who's stopping Colbert from making a last-minute sprint for the presidency -- although, compared to Romney and Obama's multi-million dollar war chests, Colbert's $768,000 might not get him too far?
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quicklist: 5title:Throw cold, hard cash at peopletext: What's the easiest way to flaunt wealth while making friends? Throw cash into a crowd.
That's what Colbert did after the Federal Elections Commission ruled in his favor, clearing the way for him to promote his super PAC on air during his Comedy Central show.
Tossing more than half a million dollars into the streets outside his New York City studio is sure to win some supporters.
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quicklist: 6title: Set up a legal defense fund for bribery he might some day committext: By now, Colbert has got to be frustrated that after nine super PAC ads, countless rants during "The Colbert Report," and more than a year of poking satirical fun at the Citizens United Supreme Court case, nothing has been done to change the campaign finance laws that allow super PACs to collect as much money as they want and spend it to support a political candidate.
As a last-ditch effort to promote change, Colbert could use his PAC's remaining $768,000 to bribe politicians to enact campaign finance reform.
Although, after bribing federal officials the comedian may want to start selling more Colbert Super PAC Super Fun Packs to raise money for the legal defense fund he'll need to defend against his highly illegal use of super PAC money.
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