Supermodel Speaks About Addiction Battle
Feb. 23, 2004 -- -- Supermodel Naomi Campbell says cocaine addiction drove her "to the bottom of the barrel," and that if she hadn't stopped, it would have led to "some self-destructive thing."
"I was very, very low to the bottom of the barrel ... because of that drug," she told ABC News' Diane Sawyer in an interview airing Thursday night on "Primetime Live."
Campbell says if she had kept on using, her habit might have even killed her.
"Something would have happened. Some self-destructive thing," she said. "I mean, there are kids now having heart attacks at 21 years old. So you don't know."
However, the British supermodel says she never thought of hurting herself. "I think that's a cry for help," said Campbell. "I am a fighter in the respect I don't want the easy way out."
Campbell, 34, described her addiction as "a rebellion in a certain way." She said she's glad she's recovered, but acknowledges it's still difficult.
"I don't want to be in that pain again. I don't want to be in that place," she said. "But there's always that moment where you want to self-destruct, and I don't know what it is."
Blaming No One
Campbell said she first tried cocaine when she was 24. "I was living this life of traveling the world and having people just give you anything," she told Sawyer. She described the life she led as "unrealistic ... I thought 'OK, I'm a rock star too ' ... [I was] living into this fantasy, which is really scary."
The supermodel described some of the dangers of the drug habit: "I think what is very scary about cocaine is that you start to feel too confident and you start to feel indispensable, although none of us are indispensable," she said. "You become short-tempered ... Your little charm goes. The little glow in your face goes."
Campbell says cocaine was the only drug she did and it was easy to come by. But she says she'd never do cocaine while strutting on the catwalk.
"I never did drugs before I would go on the runway," she said.
Nevertheless, she assumes others knew of her addiction at the time. "People aren't stupid ... you think people don't know, but they know. They know. I mean, that's your mind playing tricks on you."
Still, "I don't blame anybody but myself," she said. "I did it because I wanted to do it. Never blame, because if you blame ... you need to go back to rehab ... that means you didn't get it."
Can't Just Be Friends
Sawyer also asked Campbell about her relationship with singer Usher. Campbell says she has "much respect" for the R&B sensation, but says they were never a couple.
She described him as "a great guy. He is so hard-working and very disciplined, very focused."
She also said they are friends, but speculation has distanced them a little.
"I think what happens if two people who are known go out together ... you can't just be friends. They think it's more than that. We were never boyfriend-girlfriend," she said. "One of the reasons why I felt like I needed to pull back [from the relationship] is because it was getting misconstrued."