Can Studying Turn Geeks into Casanovas?

Sept. 29, 2005 -- -- Go into almost any nightclub across the country and you'll see great-looking women and hungry men on the prowl, craving chemistry, connection -- and a phone number. They're all looking for love. But the oldest game in the world can be brutal.

"Either you have it or you don't. Some guys are smooth, some guys aren't. That's it," said an attractive clubgoer in South Beach, Miami, named Kristi. "There's the losers and the winners."

Maybe that's right, but there's also a movement afoot that says the art of seduction can be learned.

One of its students is Joel, a successful software engineer from Denver. He's clean-cut and nicely dressed, and has been practicing a scripted routine -- learned in a three-day workshop that cost him nearly $2,000.

When "Primetime" co-anchor John Quinones asked him why he enrolled in the class, Joel said, "A woman would come up to me...and she'd be really interested, and I could see this, as soon as I opened my mouth, she... would suddenly start backing away, and [say] 'Oh, I got to go.'"

Joel studied at a workshop run by a man who calls himself "Mystery" -- a kingpin in a new multi-million dollar industry where hundreds of so-called seduction experts promise love and romance to hapless Lotharios.

They sell CDs and DVDs in classrooms and on Web sites. This summer, Montreal even saw the first-ever international pickup artists' convention.

Transformation

One of this movement's foremost figures is Neil Strauss, a former New York Times rock critic and ghostwriter of four best-selling books.

He recently penned "The Game," which documents his journey into the secret society called "the seduction community" -- a world where the latest pickup techniques are traded and "field tested."

He told Quinones, "To most women, it's a repulsive, disgusting thing -- guys meeting in lairs, figuring out how to work them."

But he added that before he became a part of this community, his love life was a joke.

"I'm a scrawny, 5-foot-6, not very attractive, super shy guy, and I'm competing in Los Angeles, against the richest, best-looking, most famous men in the world," he said.

Before the makeover, Strauss said, he was an "unconfident writer guy who didn't know how to talk to women."

But his experiences taught him that "Some men have it, some don't, and some can learn it," he said.

The Secrets of the 'Neg'

Strauss also learned his tricks from Mystery and came away with a hodgepodge of reverse psychology with a heavy dose of bad-boy attitude.

The main idea is this: Nice guys finish last. Try acting like a bratty, older brother instead.

The ace in the deck of tricks is "the neg" -- short for negative. Forget the compliments. Try lines like, "I've been here with you three minutes and it feels like an hour!"

Lest you think such lines won't work, Strauss said when he got up the nerve to try this maneuver, it worked.

He recounts coming across a beautiful woman at an office supply story, and telling her in the course of a conversation, "You know what? Your teeth totally remind me of Bugs Bunny. They're so cute but they remind me of Bugs Bunny."

"I was completely ready to be slapped. And 10 minutes later I walked away with her e-mail address and phone number," he said. She turned out to be Playboy's Playmate of the Year.

From that point on, Strauss became a devotee. "I went from what they call an AFC, an Average Frustrated Chump, to what they call a PUA, a Pickup Artist, to a PUG, which is a Pickup Guru," he said with a laugh.

Any Progress Is Good Progress

It would be so easy to dismiss such exercises as sexist, manipulative, or even pathetic.

But keep in mind that some of the men taking part in these seminars have never in their entire lives been able to interact socially with women.

One example is Robin, a computer engineer from Texas, who is intelligent and sensitive. Most mothers would consider him a good catch.

But he's painfully shy. So he hired his own dating coach, a pickup artist named Brent Smith -- much in the mold of Will Smith's character in the movie "Hitch."

His approach is less about script, and more about soul. He gives advice on things like how to dress and what movies to rent. He charged Robin $2,500, plus expenses, for a three-day course.

He said it's all about building Robin's "confidence." And it did work.

"Primetime's" cameras witnessed the shy computer geek tearing up the dance floor with a bevy of willing beauties.

As for Joel, from Mystery's boot camp, "Primetime's" cameras witnessed some tough going for him. "Everything he said just seemed like a line, like he was just trying way too hard," said Tara, one of the women Joel tried to pick up.

At the end of a night with a "Primetime" crew following him, Joel had no dates or phone numbers -- but at least he was talking to a woman. For Joel, that was huge progress.

Confidence Is Key

Strauss, the self-proclaimed "pickup guru," says if you take it one step at a time, you might just wind up with the girl of your dreams like he did.

He's now living with Lisa Leveridge, lead guitarist for Courtney Love.

"Basically, I had to like him for who he is...for real," Leveridge said. "But I don't know if I would have gotten to figure out who he was...unless he was able to express this, you know, bolder personality that he created for himself."

Strauss added, "I think she would have liked the old me, but she never would have gotten to know me."

So what works and what doesn't? There are lots of quasi-Casanovas out there with expensive theories, but in the game of love, they all agree -- a little confidence goes a long way.