Marriage Woes Air as Real-Life Radio Drama

Oct. 17, 2005 — -- Kimberly and Jason's marriage is the talk of the town in Rochester, N.Y. As the co-host of a popular radio show with partner Barry Beck, Kimberly Ray (as she's known) has been joking on the air for years about the ups and downs of life with husband Jason.

BECK: Kimberly gets up this morning --

KIMBERLY: Where's Jason?!

BECK: There's no Jason at home.

But away from the microphone, "Primetime" found the couple's life together is no joke. Worried about their constant fighting, Kimberly and Jason allowed "Primetime" to put cameras in their home to see what was really going on. The video footage showed the couple often explodes at each other, and their 7-year-old daughter, Chloe, often gets a front row seat for their confrontations.

KIMBERLY: You were out until midnight last night!

JASON: Because I got to have something that I enjoy doing.

Though the fights continually get louder, longer and angrier, this career-driven wife and stay-at-home husband never seem to settle anything. Where did things go wrong, and can they be put right again?

Love at First Sight

When they met eight years ago, Jason was a regular listener to Kimberly's radio show. One day, he showed up for a contest sponsored by the station and he says it was true love at first sight.

"We met in June, we were engaged in August, married in October of the same year and had our baby the next June," explained Kimberly.

Soon Kimberly found herself juggling a marriage, a baby and an early morning job. That's when the fighting started.

"I was getting up at 2:45 in the morning," said Kimberly. "The baby was teething -- I wanted him to get up and help more."

Kimberly's pre-dawn schedule is still grueling, but that seems to be of little consolation to Jason, who -- though a tender and patient father -- resents his role in the marriage.

JASON: I'm a friggin' stay-at-home dad that makes nothing, and I put up with everything -- humiliation, everything.

KIMBERLY: You know what? You could have gone to work a year ago.

JASON: A year ago? Really?! Where?

KIMBERLY: Wherever you wanted to go to work.

JASON: Where? Tell me.

KIMBERLY: I don't know!

JASON: Oh, come on, 'Miss Answers,' tell me the answer!

In 50 hours of tape, "Primetime" was only able to find one moment where the two showed affection for one another. The rest was full of fights about money, sex, Jason's disappearing acts and even beer.

JASON: Do you really think that it doesn't insult me when you ask me if I want to share a Corona?

KIMBERLY: What's wrong with sharing?

JASON: You take the first drink and then I take the drink and then you drink it all down to the bottom, you know, basically the spit.

KIMBERLY: That's not down to the bottom.

JASON: And then you ask me if I want the rest.

KIMBERLY: OK. Then I'm not going to ask you if you want --"

JASON: Is that not just, you know, spitting in my face and saying, 'Hey, you're a piss ant?'

Confrontation at a Rock Concert

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Rochester, Kimberly was making a special appearance at a rock concert and Jason tagged along.

It should have been fun for the couple to receive star treatment at the event -- but their usual problems quickly appeared.

Jason -- who's become a sort of local celebrity because of his publicly scrutinized marriage -- was bored; soon some fans came along to take him for a drink as Kimberly did her pre-concert broadcast.

A few minutes later Kimberly was ready to go upstairs to the broadcast suite where she has another live performance in about an hour. She has Jason's ticket but he's nowhere to be found.

"I don't know where he is. He takes off, he meanders. He'll be back -- or he won't get into the concert," she laughed.

But a half hour later, she wasn't laughing anymore, saying that this was the kind of behavior Jason exhibits that drives her crazy.

"I feel he completely doesn't care about my career or what I need to be doing, or where I need to be," she said.

Finally, just as Kimberly was about to give up, Jason showed up and received a tongue lashing for disappearing on his wife.

The fight continued up to the broadcast suite -- with Jason denying that he's done anything wrong -- and eventually spilled over into Kimberly's broadcast with Beck.

BECK: You just got up here. We ended the broadcast there at the entrance an hour ago.

KIM: Yes, I waited down there an hour for him. They took off and went to Jimmy Mac's.

HOST: Oh, the bar around the corner.

KIM: I'm livid. I can't even tell you how mad I am. But he knows I can't throw a fit here because I'm around people. I'm supposed to be happy.

As the couple watched the concert together, it seemed as though everything might blow over, but they barely made it to the parking lot before the bickering began again and continued all the way home.

KIM: Jason. I'm working. I have a gig. I had your ticket. Don't you think it's a little disrespectful? That you went and stayed gone for an hour.

JASON: You saw the people.

KIM: I didn't know the people.

JASON: And they said, 'Hey, we're going to drag you off for a beer.'

KIM: They said, 'We're going to borrow you husband for a minute.' And they do have it on tape. 'Let me borrow your husband for a minute.' All right? Not an hour.

'Kitchen Sinking It'

Dr. Xavier Amador, a psychology professor at Columbia University and a couples' counselor, said one of Kimberly and Jason's problems is how they fight.

"The fight was about problem A, but before you know it, they're bringing up Problem B, C, D, E, F, G and H that happened two months ago," he said. "They're 'kitchen sinking' it. They're throwing everything in but the kitchen sink."

Before too long, Amador said, they don't even know what started the fight in the first place.

For Kimberly, it's usually when Jason slips out to go to the bar down the street. His sneaking drives her nuts and makes her suspicious of what exactly he's doing there.

Amador thinks Kimberly has a right to be mad, and says anyone -- man or woman -- would take issue with a spouse sneaking off for hours.

AMADOR: When you're sitting alone, you've discovered that Jason has left. What's going through your mind?

KIMBERLY: That really makes me mad that he just leaves the house and comes back by the time I get up.

AMADOR: And what are you thinking he's doing there?

KIMBERLY: I don't know. Talking to other women, you know, and drinking... I mean maybe he's going to find someone else that he gets along with better.

Jason insists that it isn't another woman that draws him out of the house. He says that as a stay-at-home dad he misses contact with other people and the bar allows him to fulfill that need.

But if going to the bar to hang out with friends and satisfy his social appetite is so innocuous, why is he so secretive about it?

"Because he doesn't want her to say 'No, you can't do it,'" said Amador. "They're less like equals and more like mother and son."

'Feels Great'

Kimberly and Jason sat down and watched some of the footage "Primetime" caught of the two fighting -- they were shocked.

"That's a nightmare," said Kimberly. "I never realized how ridiculous we sound and look when we have this beautiful little girl who's exposed to our ridiculousness."

Still, both agree that having the opportunity to watch themselves fight has given them some perspective on how bad things are. and that it's going to take a lot of work -- for the sake of their daughter and their marriage -- to change. They told "Primetime's" John Quinones how things have changed.

KIMBERLY: Everyone should see themselves on television. It will shock you how much things look out of control... And you know the good thing is, you know he knows me and he loves me. And the good thing is, he wants to work on it.

JASON: That's the first time I've ever heard you tell anyone that you know I love you.

QUINONES: How's that feel?

JASON: Feels great.