In Love With a Murderer

Aug. 29, 2007 — -- One gunshot changed the Nichols family forever. When 36-year-old John Nichols fired a shot that killed Carol Ramon, a 19-year-old mother, it revealed a complicated plot of love, murder and infidelity.

Ramon was Nichols' mistress, who, just hours earlier, had exposed their affair to his wife, Diane. That one phone call between the two women set in motion a sequence of events that not only ended the life of a young woman, it all but destroyed the lives of John and Diane Nichols and their two daughters, Vanessa, 10, and Mariah, 3.

That was August 1996. John went to prison for murder after pleading guilty and being sentenced to 18 years to life. Diane divorced him, moved from Ohio to Florida, and eventually remarried a family friend. But she was eaten up by hatred, anger and bitterness over the loss of what she thought was a perfect marriage of 13 years, to the perfect husband, who gave her love notes every day and with whom she celebrated their wedding anniversary, not annually, but weekly.

She turned to alcohol and prescription pills. Vanessa, their eldest daughter, was also in trouble. She began missing school and, to her mother's dismay, cutting herself. Mariah was too young to know what was going on. But one thing was unmistakable: This was a family in serious crisis.

A counselor finally suggested that Vanessa be allowed to contact her father. When she did so, what she and her mother eventually discovered was that Nichols was a changed man. He had found solace in religion, but more than that, he had been able to grow, to settle his inner doubts and demons that he said had led him to the affairs and, ultimately, the murder that had cost him his freedom and family.

But would his family be able to forgive him?

Click here to read an excerpt of Diane Nichols' book "A Prison of My Own."

A Dark Abyss of Depression

Diane also noticed a marked change in Vanessa, who, by reconnecting with the father she missed, found the ability to smile again.

Meanwhile, Diane was sliding into the dark abyss of depression. After deciding her children would be better off without her, she planned to take a deadly cocktail of prescription drugs and champagne the following day. She tucked the kids into their beds for what she thought would be the last time, and went to sleep.

But she awoke to a clear vision of exactly what she had to do to save her life.

"I opened my eyes," she said, "and I felt light and joyful, and like the burden was lifted that I had carried since this happened. And I distinctly heard a whisper to my soul that said, 'Suicide is not the way to release your pain. Forgive, and you will stop hurting.'"

Diane took that mystical advice and ran into her daughters' rooms. Vanessa, now 20, remembers not having seen a smile like that on her mother's face since before the day of the murder.

"We have to go buy a card," Diane said. "We have to tell your father we forgive him."

The card read, "As much as you have hurt us, it hurts us worse not to forgive. So we forgive you."

When Nichols opened his mail a few days later, he found the answer to his prayers.

"That was a day I'll never forget," he said with tears in his eyes.

Falling in Love Again Inside Prison Walls

Over the next few years, John and Diane Nichols became closer. Diane forgave him for what he did to her, to the young woman he murdered and to their children. But she's clear that doing so did not mean what he did was OK.

Forgiving, she explains, is a gift one gives to oneself.

"It had nothing to do with John; it's for us, so we can heal and get healthy and look to the future," she said.

But as they spent more time on the phone and writing to each other, Diane eventually realized that she was still in love with her ex-husband. She divorced her second husband, and on June 24, 2002, John and Diane were remarried, inside prison walls, with his cellmate as best man.

Their marriage, by any definition, is not an easy one. They sometimes go years without seeing each other. But they both say the marriage now is stronger and deeper than before that tragic day.

With the help of an attorney, the couple is trying to find a way for Nichols to get an early release from prison.