It's OK to Cry, Possibly Even Beneficial

Dec. 24, 2008— -- Tears of joy. Tears of sorrow. Why do they flow so freely during the holiday season?

Jonathan Rottenberg has been asking questions like that for years now, trying to increase our understanding of a human condition that is far more complex than most people realize.

"People cry when they are happy, people cry when they are sad, people cry when they are alone, people cry when they are with others," Rottenberg said in a telephone interview. "It always struck me that this is incredibly rich behavior."

Rottenberg, assistant professor of psychology at the University of South Florida in Tampa, is one of a handful of scientists who is focusing on a subject that is extremely difficult to study. There's lots of anecdotal evidence about crying dating back over many centuries -- because crying is something all of us know something about and it is among the most universal of human experiences.

"A capacity to cry is part of being human," he said. "Crying marks our life course, from crying as infants through important emotional events, such as weddings, births and deaths."

Why Crying Is Beneficial

But why do we cry and does it do any good? Perhaps, surprisingly, there's not a lot of evidence in the literature.

"There's a lot of research into crying by babies but once you get to older children, it stops," Rottenberg said. "That really puzzles me because it seems to me that crying is no less important later in life."

In his latest project, Rottenberg joined with colleague Lauren M. Bylsma and Ad J.J.M. Vingerhoets of Tilburg University in The Netherlands to focus on whether crying is beneficial. In a study published in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science, the researchers conclude that yes, in many cases, there is a therapeutic reward for a good cry. But not necessarily.

The study is based on a large survey of more than 3,000 people in 30 countries that was conducted a few years ago by a score of researchers. The survey relied on "self reporting" by participants who were asked a wide variety of detailed questions about crying and how it affected them. Rottenberg and his associates took another look at that data, focusing on whether the participants benefited from crying. Again, it was a mixed bag, but the results strongly suggest that crying can heal.

Crying Tells Us to Pay Attention

About 60 to 70 percent said they had benefited and only about one-tenth said they felt worse after crying. There were significant clues in the data about why it worked for some but not for others.

A key finding is that crying helps if whatever caused the crying is resolved. A lovers' quarrel ends with a few sobs and a lot of kisses. A wound is closed.

"One reason crying is a fascinating behavior is it has such a strong impact on our immediate social field," Rottenberg said. "We pay attention to who's crying. It causes us to search for what's going on. We think it's important.

"This is especially true for men, because men report crying less often than women, so you know there must be something really the matter if a man cries."

Why Women Cry More

That raises another question. Why do women cry more than men? It apparently begins fairly early but not at birth.

"Little boy babies and little girl babies don't show any marked differences in how often they cry," Rottenberg said. "It's a pretty reasonable hypothesis that the reason the differences emerge has to do with socialization, mainly that boys bear some penalty for crying that girls don't."

It's not manly to cry, so we are told, even as young children.

That's hogwash, Rottenberg suggested, because in some situations it can be very "manly" to cry, as when grieving for the loss of a comrade, or death of a friend.

A Good Cry Not Always the Solution

But crying doesn't always help, according to the research. People who were depressed or suffered from a condition called "alexithymia," in which they are uncomfortable with their own emotions, reported that crying actually worsened their moods.

"People who don't understand why they have emotions and what they mean would not benefit when they have a strong emotional state," like crying, Rottenberg said. "They don't know what to do. They don't know what it means."

He suggests that people with psychiatric problems, like deep depression, cry a lot and "people grow tired of it." Depression doesn't go away, there's no resolution of the cause of the crying, and no benefit.

Baby Cries, Baby Eats

That may also be why studies of crying in a laboratory setting often yield very different results than the multi-nation research that formed the basis for this study. Lab studies usually attempt to provoke crying by showing a sad movie but there are no friends, no support environment, for the participant. So there's nothing there to heal. There's no resolution of the cause of the crying. There's no benefit.

Incidentally, we probably learned when we were quite young that crying can bring rewards. It's hard to ignore a crying baby. When baby cries, baby eats. A conflict is resolved.

The Christmas season, of course, brings many conflicts and stresses as families gather together or people are left alone, pondering losses that cannot be replaced. It's a time for joy. And it's a time for sadness.

It may be time for a good cry. It just might help.