Looking Online for Mr. or Ms. Right Now

Aug. 4, 2005 — -- Right now thousands of Americans from all walks of life are hooking up in cyberspace with one thing in mind -- and it's not finding their soulmate.

Whether married, single, old, young, straight, or gay, Web surfers are scouring the Net for like-minded individuals interested in a little sexual fun -- no strings attached.

Using Internet bulletin boards like Craigslist, fee-charging Web sites that specialize in finding bedroom partners, or just connecting through adult chat rooms, Internet-savvy hedonists can easily find partners to satisfy any appetite.

Statistics are hard to come by, but the Adult Friend Finder Web site claims to have millions of registered users and Craigslist receives hundreds of posts by people looking for sexual encounters on a daily basis.

The Pick-up Artists

One 20-something New Yorker -- who asked that ABC News use an alias in order to conceal his identity -- says meeting women online is the only way to go if you're looking for a one-night-stand. His live-in girlfriend would probably disagree, if she knew.

"The Internet [is] one of the best ways to meet someone 'clandestinely' when you are in a long term relationship and need to stray a bit," "Joshua" said in an interview conducted via e-mail.

Joshua brags that not only has he slept with more than a dozen women he met on the Internet, he's done it in the same apartment he shares with his girlfriend.

"My GF [girlfriend] has no idea," he claimed. "I have had a few close calls, but hooking up [online] here in NYC is as easy as ordering a large pizza for dinner."

"Stoli," another Internet pick-up artist, says it's the most effective way to get what you want without going through the trouble of hitting the bar or club scene.

"Many times it's just quicker, easier and more efficient to search online for a sexual encounter than to spend time and money at a bar or club," he said. "When you see someone in a bar who's physically attractive you have to make eye contact and start up a conversation. You might spend half an hour getting to know them only to find out they're just waiting for friends."

When meeting people online you have access to all kinds of information about them before you even speak, Stoli says.

"You get to read profiles with physical descriptions and hopefully see a picture," he explained. "Sometimes you find [after meeting] the person sent a picture of themselves from 10 years and 30 pounds ago, or sometimes you get stood up, but often you meet someone who told the truth and you have a good time with no strings attached."

Honesty on the Internet

But when trading self-descriptions or pictures with strangers, you are opening yourself up to some less than honest individuals.

That lesson was learned the hard way by "Linda," a 38-year-old mother from Las Vegas, Nev.

"I am what you could describe as your normal, mature, suburban wife," said Linda. "Mother of three, full-time career woman, almost 14 years with the same company, and regular attendance at church."

Dissatisfied with life at home and considering a divorce, Linda was lonely and says a friend turned her onto the world of Internet chat.

Shortly after entering that world, Linda found herself being wooed by a married businessman "Tom," who often traveled to Las Vegas.

After weeks of e-mails the two agreed to meet in person and it wasn't long before they were embroiled in a passionate love affair, she says.

"What probably should have been a one night stand turned into two people who fell head over heels in love with each other."

For a year the two would sneak away from their families to be together until Linda finally went through with her divorce. Her children stayed with their father as Linda continued to pursue her relationship with Tom.

But she says her hopes for a new life with the man she'd met on the Web were soon crushed.

"I was on his laptop while visiting him and I discovered that he was looking at other women's profiles online," she said. "I asked him about it and he became angry with me and told me it was none of my business what he did on the Internet."

Eventually, she found a profile Tom had made at a Web site for married people looking for extramarital affairs.

"This time, instead of confronting him, I contacted a private detective," she said. "I continued to see him, but I no longer trusted him."

But as bad as things were, they got worse when Linda received a call from Tom at work saying that a secretary in his office had accused him of sexual harassment.

Linda says she has since stopped looking for love on the Web, and advises others to do the same.

"I'm not trying to come across as a victim here, I'm fully aware that I was playing with fire and was a willing and consenting adult," she acknowledged. "I just did not know the depth of the Pandora's box I was opening up. I do now and I stay away."

'Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Stan' and Happy Endings, Too

Many Internet sex seekers use the Web not just for convenience or escape, but to satisfy desires they otherwise might not feel comfortable pursuing.

For Jessica, a transgender person living "in the closet" in Michigan, the community of people she met online not only helped her find partners, but also reach people with whom she could be herself.

"Growing up where I did, I thought that I was weird, different, distinctly in the minority," she said. "I was mistaken."

When Jessica was ready to act on her feelings, she had a community to reach out to and the confidence to carry it out.

"Slowly I had been building my confidence and finally I agreed to meet a guy I talked with a lot and liked," she said. "We met at his place where I was able to be 'Jessica' with another real person for the very first time in my life." Like others interviewed in this story, Jessica asked that her real name not be used.

For many people living alternative lifestyles, the Internet is the only way they feel they can be themselves.

"Chris" uses the Internet on a regular basis to find other gay men interested in a quick sexual fix. "Usually the experiences are pretty brief -- wham-bam-thank-you-Stan," he said.

But the search for sex online occasionally can lead to unexpected places, too.

When "Andrea" got together with one of her online male suitors, both were interested in a one-night-stand, nothing more.

"We actually hit it off quite well and seemed to have the same sense of humor, we just really didn't think it was going to amount to anything other than that night," she said. "So, we laughed and talked and joked and had wine and were silly and had sex."

From there the two became nearly inseparable and not long after were married.

"I honestly did not set out to meet 'the Man of my Dreams' over the Internet," Andrea said. "I never in a million years figured or thought this would happen."