Balancing Privacy and Protection in Cyberspace

July 20, 2006 -- -- Parents are constantly being told about the dangers the Internet holds for their children -- from predators trolling the Web for unsuspecting young victims to fears that something posted by a kid on the Internet today could come back to haunt them years down the road.

Despite the need to monitor and protect their kids, many parents also feel the need to strike a balance between their responsibilities as protectors and their desire to respect their children's privacy.

"There are some things that are distinctive about the Internet," said Daniel Minuchin, a family therapist in New York. "It's different than a parent going into a kid's room and snooping around."

Minuchin says the way in which the Web connects users to the outside world in a free and unrestricted way makes the issue of policing kids on the Net more complicated than poking around for drugs in a sock drawer, or looking for dirty magazines hidden under a mattress.

Privacy or Protection?

"I don't read my children's e-mail messages or AIM messages and consider that to be an invasion of their privacy," wrote M. Roche of San Jose, Calif. in an e-mail to ABCNEWS.com.

Although the Roches keep their hands off of their kids' e-mail accounts, they do keep tabs on their daughter's MySpace page, which they say is viewable by anyone who accesses the site.

"I do not consider this to be an invasion of her privacy," Roche wrote, "and since it's readily accessible to anyone -- even inmates at San Quentin with a lot of time on their hands -- I feel a responsibility to protect the image she is projecting to the world."

But not all parents feel that giving their kids a long leash when it comes to computer use is the way to go. In fact, some say that if you're a parent it's not even an option.

"I am responsible for my children's protection," wrote Cathy Klein of Pleasanton, Calif., "and so, not only do I have the right to read and monitor their e-mail, I have an obligation to -- and I do!!!"

The Kleins are not alone. Many of the parents who wrote to us said the world has changed and the dangers lurking on the Web aren't anything like what they dealt with when they were kids.

Plans of Attack

The drive to protect kids from the shadowy corners of the Internet has prompted parents to come up with a variety of strategies.

"The key is not to let them have a computer in their room and for it to be used out in the open," wrote Klein.

Some parents take that theory a step further, forcing everyone in the family out into the open.

"We keep our computer in the family room so there is no privacy while using it," wrote Tami from Vancouver, Wash. "We all share one e-mail account, so e-mails coming in could be for anyone in the family."

Parents who want to allow their children to have computers of their own or simply can't be physically watching what their kids are doing online, also have access to a wide array of software that tracks and records what users do and say in cyberspace.

ContentWatch, eBlaster and SafeBrowse are all programs that give parents the ability to monitor their children's Internet activity.

"It allows me to have them have their own computers in their room and not have to sit over their shoulder just to make sure they're being OK," said John Lister of Rancho Dominguez, Calif. in an interview.

Lister says that he trusts his twin 13-year-old daughters, but doesn't have as much faith in others.

"It's really not about trust for what they're doing," he explained, "it's trust for people I don't know and what they may be doing and what they may be saying to them."

Is There a Reason to Worry?

Minuchin says that in some ways, parenting is like therapy: you're not dealing with generalities, you're dealing with individuals.

Parents know their kids and know how tightly they need to clamp down in order to protect them.

"Parents of kids who had serious drug problems would likely err on the side of safety over privacy," he said. "Ask yourself: Do you have reason to be concerned?"

Concern or not, at least some parents say that with kids virtually living online, monitoring their chats and e-mails may be the only way to stay in touch.

"I think reading our kids' e-mail and [messages] are, at times, the only way we can find out what's going on in our kids' lives," wrote Anna Schmid of Lubbock, Texas. "I think as parents, it's our responsibility to know all we can about our kids."

Ned Potter contributed to this report.