Book Excerpt: 'The Hurried Woman'

Dec. 10, 2003 -- In his book, The Hurried Woman, Dr. Brent W. Bost argues that 60 million American women between the ages of 25 and 55 face a modern-day epidemic that he calls "Hurried Woman Syndrome." These women are fatigued, they're gaining weight, and their sex drive has gone downhill.

Here is an excerpt from his book, The Hurried Woman: Conquer Fatigue, Achieve Successful Lifelong Weight Management, and Rekindle the Fire in Your Relationships. See the Web link in the right column of this page to learn more about the symptoms, and to take a quiz.

Introduction

Are you a Hurried Woman? (You probably aren't if you have time to stop and read this! But, you obviously thought you might be, that's why you're here. Perhaps the title sounded like something "familiar" in your sub-conscious mind). Well, you're here now, read on and see if you are or you aren't one.

As an Obstetrician/Gynecologist, my day is filled with Hurried Women. But, they usually don't complain about being "hurried", in fact the office visit usually starts out something like this: "Hello, Mrs. Culpepper. (The names have been changed to protect the innocent.) How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm fine, Dr. Bost." (She sounds sincere, but her speech trails off a bit at the end — a hint that there's more than meets the ear here.)

"Now, Connie, don't say it unless you mean it. You know you can tell me the 'real untold story'."

"Okay, doctor. I just haven't been feeling myself lately. I'm tired all the time, I can't seem to get this weight off, and … well … I … "

"You have no sex drive?"

"Right! (She sounds relieved to finally have it out in the open.) Zip! Nada! None! I just don't feel like having sex most of the time. Once we get started it's okay, but I'm not the one who initiates things anymore. What do you think is wrong?"

"There are some tests we need to run to rule out other medical explanations for your symptoms, but I suspect from what you're telling me that you are suffering from the Hurried Woman Syndrome."

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"Hurried Woman Syndrome! What's that?" (Some doubt has begun to creep into her voice.)

"Let me explain it to you first, and then I think you'll begin to understand … "

The Hurried Woman usually has complaints in one or more of three major areas:

1) Fatigue or "down" mood — " I'm tired all the time and I don't know why,""I feel 'down' a lot of times even when things are going okay," "I just can't seem to get a good night's sleep."

2) Weight Gain — "I eat like I used to, but I keep gaining weight," "I exercise a lot, but I can't get this weight off," "I'm too tired to exercise." ( triggered by #1)

3) Low Sex Drive — "It's not that I don't love my husband, but …,""I'm too tired to have sex most nights" (#1 strikes again!), "I don't feel sexy anymore" (the old "2 - 3 combo")

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Do any of these sound familiar? You may have said or thought about saying one, or a combination of them, more than once lately. If these complaints are becoming your complaints, and particularly if they are starting to drain the fun out of life, then you probably are a Hurried Woman.

I chose the title The Hurried Woman because it describes the major underlying cause of the problem. Besides, I thought it was a catchy phrase and it's a lot easier to say than The Fatigued, Overweight, Undersexed Woman which wouldn't have fit on the cover anyway. (I also thought about calling it Weary Women, but can you imagine an interview with Barbara Walters?) However, the relationship between these three areas — fatigue, weight gain, and loss of interest in sex — may not be clear to you at first. In fact, it took me a long time to discover the link between them, and I have been a practicing obstetrician/gynecologist for more than 16 years! Once I figured it out though, I was amazed at the number of patients who suffer with this condition. In fact, it's estimated that over 60 million American women suffer from these symptoms. Believe me, you're not alone!

Over the last five to six years, I began to notice that the three most common troubles my patients complained about were not pregnancy, bleeding, and pain as my formal medical training led me to believe. No, the three most common complaints were fatigue (sometimes described as feeling "down" or "blah"), weight gain, and low sex drive — often in a combination of two or all three (what I call "the works"). As I talked with these women about their symptoms and circumstances, I began to see a common thread which linked these problems together for the vast majority of patients — stress.

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There are many causes of stress and they often vary from patient to patient. Sometimes the stress can't be avoided, such as a sick child or a high-powered career. However, for the majority of women I treat, much of the stress is avoidable or at least could be managed better. The avoidable stresses are those that come from a busy, hectic schedule and lifestyle choices that many of us have embraced as completely "routine." Yet, the effects of this kind of stress, what I call "hurry", can have very significant long-term and wide-reaching consequences for the woman who labors under it and, those around her who suffer along with her. The woman who is burdened by the Hurried Woman Syndrome is just that — she's hurried (or "harried," as the English might say) by the many struggles that complicate her life. She's usually young, between 25 and 55, and has two or more children. Most often, at least one of her kids is between the ages of 4 and 16. Her spouse (or perhaps, lack of one), her children, and her work all tend to pull her in different directions causing a lot of internal stress. This constant conflict of needs, both "hers" and "theirs," can wear down even the strongest woman and ultimately lead to physical as well as emotional problems, even depression.

The effects of these life stresses are primarily manifested in three areas: fatigue, or perhaps a "down" mood, weight control, and sex drive (or libido for you Freudian-types).

The symptoms of hurry often begin in one area (particularly fatigue and/or depressed mood) and then spill over into the other two. Sometimes these stresses are virtually impossible to avoid, but oftentimes the pressure comes in areas that appear to be low-stress at first, but then build steadily until they overflow and become a problem. Like a coffee cup under a dripping faucet — at first, each drop seems to have little or no effect on the amount of water in the cup, but eventually the cup fills up and then spills over the edges.

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Many of the activities that bring stress or hurry into your life are "good" things in themselves; family events, entertainment, children's activities, volunteer work or church activities. But, when they overwhelm you, they can be dangerous to your health and to your relationships. Water is an essential element for life, but too much water is called drowning! Moderation is important.

Well, you've probably decided by now that there may be something here for you - some help, finally! You may not be complaining about trouble in all three symptom areas, but you know that something's wrong and you want to feel better. But, you may ask, why read The Hurried Woman when there are so many other self-help books available? Two reasons: First, and most important, The Hurried Woman has the right strategy for each of the three problem areas — fatigue, weight control, and improving your marriage both physically and emotionally. Second, The Hurried Woman is the only integrated approach to overcoming these common, but very important, problems. You could go out and buy a diet book, a book on fatigue, a self-help marriage guide, and a book on getting the stress out of your life — four books — and probably get a handle on some of your problems.

However, The Hurried Woman addresses the underlying cause of these symptoms and offers a unified approach to conquering fatigue, lifelong weight management, and re-kindling the fire in your relationships. No other book can help you do all of these things as effectively. The Hurried Woman is laid out in four sections. The first section will discuss the effects of "hurry" or stress on the modern woman and how it attacks her physically leading to fatigue, mood problems and even depression. In the second section, heavy (no pun intended!) emphasis will be placed on weight gain and how it can be caused by, and contribute to, problems in theother two areas. I will also line-out a very sensible approach to losing weight that works — for the long run.

Sex will be the topic of the third section. Don't skip over and read it first — that would be cheating! Plus, you really need to read the first section to fully understand the third, so be patient. I also encourage you to have your husband read this section. Even though he may suffer from Osteocephaly (from osteo = bone and cephalos = head, i.e., bonehead!), it will help him to better understand your needs and hopefully make your love life as a couple more satisfying. Actually, I encourage husbands to read the whole book, but good luck with that one! Most men can't stay awake through the Sunday comics much less a book on women's problems.

The fourth and final section will attempt to "tie-it-all-together" and make sense out of the first three parts. Additionally, the last section will also offer suggestions to take the hurry out of your life and allow the joy back in. I encourage you to spend some quality time looking at the last section.

Each of the first three section ends with answers to frequently asked questions (FAQs) related to topics in that section. I recommend that you study these questions and the responses given as they may make more sense to you than the textbook approach the chapters take. You may even find that someone else has already asked your question. This should make it easier tocome away with something that's helpful to you.

After reading the titles of each section, you may not feel that all four of them apply to you. However, I think you'll find useful information in each one. You may be shocked to find that you actually do have symptoms in each of the three symptom areas and hopefully, also be able to see that these problems are really interrelated. Besides, knowing all about the Hurried Woman Syndrome may enable you to help a friend or family member who comes complaining to you about struggling with symptoms of the syndrome.

Well, since you're in a hurry to get started — a bad habit I hope to help you recognize and correct soon — turn to Chapter 1 and let's begin.

Excerpted from The Hurried Woman: Conquer Fatigue, Achieve Successful Lifelong Weight Management, and Rekindle the Fire in Your Relationships, by MD, FACOG Brent W. Bost., Copyright, June 8, 2001, Vantage Press. Used by permission.