FUNNIES: Extremists vs. Folks

By
ABC News
September 29, 2006, 6:52 PM ET
2 min read

Aug. 20, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart: Today, Hezbollah claimed the month of fighting represented a divine victory. Israel claimed it had achieved all of its military objectives. So it proves what I've been saying about this conflict all along: It's a win-win.

The Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert: Mexico is currently recounting hundreds of thousands of ballots to help quell the anger over the contested presidential election that took place in July. All you need to know: The president of Mexico will be George W. Bush.

Late Show

David Letterman: Here was big news: Earlier this afternoon, a federal judge in Detroit has ruled that Bush's wiretapping is unconstitutional, unconstitutional. The good news is that JetBlue still doesn't need a warrant to confiscate your Snapple.

The Daily Show

Stewart: Yes, in recent days, Hezbollah guerillas have set their weapons aside and gathered Iranian funding to begin rebuilding at a breakneck pace, even giving cash and supplies to those who lost their homes. White House spokesman Tony Snow is not buying Hezbollah's generosity.

Tony Snow [video from briefing]: Hezbollah can do, spread out all the walking-around money it wants, but people also remember who's putting rockets in their, their living rooms.

Stewart: Tony, ah, we were the ones putting rockets in their living rooms. We sold them to Israel and they were the ones who shot them. But, uh, point taken.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: President Bush today, speaking of hot wooly action, had some strong words for America's enemies. He really laid it out, and as usual, he laid it out in an exceptionally confusing way.

President Bush [on tape]: The United States of America is engaged in a war, against a, uh, extremist group of folks.

Kimmel: Extremist folks. Who calls these people folks? Somebody needs to explain to the president, these are extremists [shows picture of extremists holding guns], right? And these are folks [shows picture of elderly couple], okay?

Late Show

David Letterman: More Americans can name the Three Stooges than can name the three branches of government. Well, that's because the Three Stooges are more likely to get something done. Am I right?