FUNNIES: Imagine All the Laughter

By
ABC News
September 3, 2006, 8:55 AM ET
2 min read

Aug. 27, 2006 — -- A roundup of the late-night comics.

Late Show

David Letterman: The astronomers will vote tomorrow on whether or not to keep Pluto as a planet. And if Pluto loses, it will run as an independent.

Real Time

Bill Maher: The Lebanese are returning home now to their devastated homes in southern Lebanon. They say they had no idea of the scope of the devastation. And the reason they had no idea? Because every time they turned on CNN they were talking about JonBenet.

Late Show

Letterman: Iran, on the other hand, is really stepping up its nuclear program, stepping up their nuclear program. Not only do they have the enriched uranium, they also have the low-carb uranium. So they have two kinds. That's a true story.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kimmel: Our commander in chief, the president, has begun the job of winning back the White House press corps by loosening up a bit at his press conferences. CNN had the story on the new, funny George Bush.

Kyra Phillips [CNN video]: He may never host the Oscars or sit in for Jon Stewart, but as he nears the second half of his second term, President Bush is proving he can get a few laughs from his sometimes adversarial audience.

President Bush [at press briefing]: The main reason we went into Iraq at the time was we thought he had weapons of mass destruction. [edit of press corps laughing] Presidents care about whether people support their policies. I don't, I don't, I don't care. Of course, I care. [edit of press corps laughing] Never mind. [edit of press corps laughing] We'll complete the mission in Iraq. [edit of press corps and Bush laughing] Kimmel: He's got-- He's got a million of them.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart: Bush even tried positioning himself as a bizarro-world John Lennon.

President Bush [video from briefing]: Imagine how difficult this issue would be if Iran had a nuclear weapon. Imagine a world in which you had a Saddam Hussein who had the capacity to make a weapon of mass destruction. Imagine what the world would be like with him in power.

Stewart: You know, I think I have that album.