This Week's 'The List' -- Storm and Saddam

Sept. 21, 2003 -- — A weekly feature on This Week.

Voices

Saddam Hussein's voice is believed to be on an audiocassette broadcast on the al Jazeera news channel last week: "You, mujahideen, and Iraqi men and women, must tighten the loop and step up your strikes against your enemies. … To the American president, I say on behalf of the great people of Iraq, 'You lied to yourself, your people and people everywhere.' "

According to a Sept. 6 Washington Post poll, 69 percent of Americans believe Saddam Hussein was likely personally involved in the terrorist attacks of 9/11. President Bush and his administration spent the week responding to criticism that it was their language that misled the American people. In order to clarify, President Bush said, "No, we've had no evidence that Saddam Hussein was involved with September the 11th."

Attorney General John Ashcroft staunchly defended the Patriot Act, which critics charge infringes on civil rights: "Not a single court in America has validated any of the … charges of violations of constitutional rights in connection with the Patriot Act. And so the charges, the hysteria, are revealed for what they are — castles in the air built on misrepresentation, supported by unfounded fear, held aloft by hysteria itself."

Richard Grasso resigned this week as the head of the New York Stock Exchange. On Sept. 9, he defended his compensation, which generated criticism and led him to resign: "I'm very proud to say that I've been very well compensated."

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, appeared on the Oprah show this week. Schwarzenegger tried to explain his interviews with magazine reporters in the 1970s: "These were the times where I was saying things, like, you know, 'A pump is better than coming,' and those kinds of things [in order to make headlines]." His wife covered her mouth in shock and said, "My mother is watching!"

Pop singer Madonna released a series of children's books this week. It's a far cry from her first stint as an author — a book was entitled Sex. Last week, she marked the release of the books by reading to a room of children: "Do you want me to read from the book? 'The problem with The English Roses was the little girl and the children who were jealous. Her name was Bena.' "

Pat Robertson led the audience of his program, 700 Club, in prayer to redirect Hurricane Isabel: "In the name of Jesus, we reach out our hand in faith and we command that storm to cease its forward motion to the north and to turn and to go out into the sea."

Funnies

The late night comics gave us their takes on the news last week. Here are this Sunday's funnies:

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

Jon Stewart: "You're the first to ever do this on our program; we wanted to give it an extra juice. If you could, just say it one more time, we want to add something. So if you could just make the announcement, if you, if you could, make it one more time if you would, Senator Edwards.Sen. John Edwards, D-N.C.: "Now John, they promised me if I did this you would not make fun of me."Stewart: "I would never! I just want to add something special to it."Edwards: "Well, I am on your show to announce that I am a candidate for president of the United States."(Fanfare)Stewart: "There you go!"

The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn:

Craig Kilborn: "With his military experience, polished speaking skills, and rugged good looks, Clark may alienate the Democrats' core constituency — people who like losing elections. Here are the latest poll numbers: Apathy, 49 percent; Wesley Clark 26 percent; a rock with a face painted on it, 25 percent."

Late Night with Conan O'Brien:

Conan O'Brien: "Yesterday, former general Wesley Clark announced that he's running for president, and right afterwards his supporters handed out Clark bars. They handed out Clark bars to everyone. Yeah, their promotion was so successful, Richard Gephardt is thinking of changing his name to 'Dick Butterfinger.' "

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Jay Leno: "Secretary of State Colin Powell says he cannot speed things up in Iraq. Powell says Iraq is not ready for self-government. At the moment, it cannot be trusted to hold a fair Democratic election by itself, you know. And apparently, neither can California."