This Week's Best Quotes: 'Can't Miss Him, He's Naked!'

June 2, 2012 — -- intro: Check out this week's funniest, craziest and buzziest quotes from around the world.

quicklist: 1title: 'Can't miss him, he's naked!'text: "Can't miss him, he's naked!" said one of three people who called 911 to report a brutal face-eating attack in Maimi.

"He's beating another man. It's a naked man beating another man," another caller said.

Rudy Eugene, who authorities suspect may have been high on a dangerous new street drug known as "bath salts," had to be shot four times by a police officer to halt the cannibalistic attack.

The victim, Ronald Poppo, 65, is in critical condition after police say 75 percent of his face was devoured by Eugene.

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quicklist: 2title: 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme'text: The standard greeting card with a check inside just doesn't cut it anymore for some high school graduates. So they're setting up gift registries instead, the latest twist on traditional bridal or baby shower offerings that some say is at odds with traditional gift-giving etiquette.

"When I hear people are creating registries for high school graduation, I hear 'Gimme, gimme, gimme,' as opposed to congratulations," Lizzie Post, great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post and co-author of the 18th edition of "Emily Post's Etiquette." "They are absolutely not appropriate."

Post says gift registries are intended only for weddings and baby showers.

"A high school graduation party doesn't necessitate a gift. At most, I'd say it necessitates a card," she said.

And if there is no party, Post says creating your own registry and sending it around to relatives and friends is "absolutely, incredibly selfish and greedy."

If you would like to congratulate the new grad in your life with a gift, Post suggests tokens from the college town or university to which the student is moving, gift cards, or asking the child's parents for ideas.

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quicklist: 3title: 'Trying to Find Validation in Poker Is Like Trying to Find a Virgin in a Whorehouse'text: Like moths to a green flame, poker-playing celebrities are flocking to Las Vegas to compete in the 43rd annual World Series of Poker (WSOP), hoping not just to snag their share of poker's richest pot ($192 million last year) but one of 61 gold-and-diamond-encrusted bracelets, which are to poker what Super Bowl rings are to football: proof a player ranks among the game's best.

Bracelet-winning actress Jennifer Tilly is competing for her second bracelet this year.

"[The World Series of Poker Main Event is] the grand-daddy of all games in the world -- fantastic, like the Kentucky Derby. A spectacle. 7,000 people. Hot girls in cut-off shirts. All you need is cotton candy to make it complete," Tilly said.

So deep into the game is Tilly that she dates a professional player and writes a monthly column for Bluff magazine, where in 2008 she announced -- prematurely -- her retirement from the game: "Greatness in poker is an elusive dream. There are too many variants. Trying to find validation in poker is like trying to find a virgin in a whorehouse."

She has since resumed play and says she intends to arrive in Vegas June 18 and to play her first event the next day.

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quicklist: 4title: 'He Reached in the Toilet and Pulled the Baby Out' text: Dinesheia Jones of Ferguson, Mo., was in for a shock when a trip to the bathroom turned quickly to something more serious.

Dawana Jones said she received a call Thursday morning from her pregnant sister Dinesheia to let her know her water broke when she was on the toilet.

Five minutes later, she called her back to let her know she had given birth to a baby girl, Dawana Jones said.

"She said the ambulance was on the way and I said they'd be there shortly," Jones said. "She was crammed in the little bitty bathroom with the police officer, the paramedic, and the baby."

Ferguson Police Chief Tom Jackson said the officer dispatched to Jones' home was fairly new on the job, but he was pleased with his officer's response to the situation.

"When he walked in he heard the mother scream from the bathroom and the 8-year-old was also there with her and she had just given birth," Jackson said. "He reached in the toilet and pulled the baby out."

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quicklist: 5title: '[I] Like to Blow Up Toilets in the Woods'text: Her father says she's just a daddy's girl with some unladylike hobbies. The FBI and the ATF disagree.

Celia Alchemy Savage, 23, was arrested by federal and local officials after a Wednesday search of her Cornelia, Ga., home allegedly turned up two pipe bombs, a pistol, suspected marijuana and methamphetamine and alleged drug paraphernalia. She is being held on federal weapons, explosives and drug charges, and has been denied bond.

According to the criminal complaint, when an ATF agent asked Savage what there was to do in Cornelia, she said, "Blow things up." The agent said that Savage also stated that she "likes to blow up toilets in the woods."

Savage allegedly told authorities that "manufacturing explosive devices and detonating them for recreation was her hobby," and that she had built five to seven pipe bombs for fun.

"Savage stated she was aware that it was wrong, or against the law, to manufacture the destructive devices," alleged the ATF agent in the criminal complaint, "but claimed she has a passion for it."

The complaint alleges that the drugs, drug paraphernalia, "numerous pills," pistol and bomb components were found in a bedroom of the residence that Savage described as her "lab." According to the ATF agent, Savage admitted that she had used marijuana "the previous day and methamphetamine two (2) months ago." Click here to read the full story. media: 16478000

quicklist: 6title: 'I Couldn't Bring Myself to Pack Up'text: Eric Simons, 20, had all the attributes of a passionate entrepreneur: hungry, visionary, resourceful and willing to do whatever it took to get his startup off the ground, including squatting at AOL's headquarters in Palo Alto, Calif.

But after surviving on office catering leftovers and snacks for two months, the entrepreneur has now put his startup in motion with $50,000 from investors.

Simons moved to Silicon Valley from Illinois last year when he was 19 years old. Accepted into the inaugural class of the Silicon Valley startup incubator, Imagine K12, he decided to pursue the dream of his startup instead of college.

He and his friends were given $20,000 for ClassConnect, which allows teachers to create and share lesson plans with students and other teachers. After the four-month program ended, his friends quit to attend college and the money ran out too. But Simons, with a working AOL badge, continued coming to the office, as first reported by CNET.

Simons showered in AOL's gym, slept on company couches, and ate snacks and leftovers from the frequent catering that served the employees and other entrepreneurs working at the office. Because AOL allows other entrepreneurs and programs to work in its office, Simons was able to stay through October and November last year.

On the hunt for investors, he said moving back to Chicago would have meant shutting down ClassConnect.

"What we're working on is extremely important and will have an important impact on educational system," he said. "I couldn't bring myself to pack up, which is how I got clever and figured out how I could stay out there."

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quicklist: 7title: 'If the Shoe Was on the Other Foot, Trayvon Martin Would Be in Jail'text: A judge revoked bond Friday for George Zimmerman, the neighborhood watch captain charged with second-degree murder in the shooting death of a Florida teenager in his gated community, and ordered him to surrender himself in 48 hours.

Prosecutors had filed a motion today to revoke his bond, accusing Zimmerman of "deceiving" the court about his finances, even going so far as to discuss it in code words with his wife, and about his possession of a second passport, which he apparently acquired two weeks after the shooting.

On April 9, with the case making national headlines, Zimmerman launched a website with a PayPal link. Within days, he'd raised more than $200,000.

But later that month, Mark O'Mara, an attorney for Zimmerman, told the court at a bond hearing, "As far as his financial abilities, unfortunately, this is a family of very short means."

"The court was led to believe that they didn't have a single penny," prosecutor Bernie De La Rionda said. "If this [the money] wasn't relevant to bond then why did they lie about it? I don't know what other words to use besides that it was a blatant lie."

Today, the judge seemed to agree.

"They were well aware of the money that was available," Judge Kenneth Lester.

Zimmerman is accused of tracking down and killing teenager Trayvon Martin, who caught the attention of the neighborhood watch captain in his gated Florida community.

Ben Crump, the Martins' family attorney, said Martin's parents had always maintained that Zimmerman should remain in custody until a trial.

"If the shoe was on the other foot, Trayvon Martin would have been put in jail," Crump said.

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