Comfort Hard to Find for Families Coping With Iraq Stress

April 28, 2007 — -- At a Berkeley, Calif., church, veterans and their families gathered for their second weekend retreat sponsored by the Coming Home Project.

The California-based group offers free travel and free therapy for families struggling to overcome the psychological trauma of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Several gathered said they have found little comfort in a military culture that often overlooks the hidden injuries of war.

"They kept badgering me," said former Lance Cpl. Jeremy Williams, of his fellow marines "[They said] 'What, are you crazy from Iraq?' -- making me feel like it was all my fault when I had gone to Iraq a third time."

His wife too has experienced the stigma associated with PTSD.

"I've actually had people laugh at me," said Christina Williams. "How can you laugh at me? You don't understand why our children don't understand why daddy is so mad all the time."

Jeremy Williams' anger is a symptom of his post-traumatic stress disorder. He and his wife filed for divorce three times before they got counseling.

A recent Veterans Administration study showed that out of just over 100,000 troops seeking care after coming home from Iraq or Afghanistan, 25 percent were suffering from mental health problems.

Experts warn it is a looming public health crisis.

"The risk is worse than Vietnam," said Dr. Joseph Bobrow, a psychologist and director of the Coming Home Project. "We've gotta get to work, because the problem will become astronomical, and we are completely unprepared for it."

Stefanie Pelkey came alone to the Coming Home Project to share the story of her husband, Army Capt. Michael Pelkey. He committed suicide a year after returning from Iraq.

"As a new father going over there and seeing children dead on the side of the street," said Stefanie, "those are things he carried with him."

Stefanie Pelkey believes the army missed the red flags when he complained of chest pains, erectile dysfunction and, eventually, nightmares. He shot himself a week after being diagnosed with PTSD by a therapist off base.

Jeremy Williams was diagnosed by the military and is now on medication -- but he still lives with crippling fear.

"Flashbacks, I also have nightmares," he said. "I can't drive down the street without wondering if the box on the side of the road is an IED."

His wife said it sometimes takes her hours to convince her husband he is no longer in Iraq.

In both the Pelkey and Williams families, there is a toll on the children. The Williams' 4-year-old son Vincent has anger issues, according to his mother.

"He is very angry; he is very, very sensitive," she said.

Stefanie Pelkey had to take her 4-year-old son Benjamin out of pre-school because he was too aggressive toward other children.

For now, both families are finding comfort in each other. The Williamses recently moved from Camp Pendleton back home to Texas, just 15 minutes from Stefanie Pelkey.

"It's a real relief," said Stefanie, "to find people you can identify with."