Former Phillippine Hostage Recalls Captivity

July 6, 2008— -- It's been six years since she escaped captivity, but Gracia Burnham still isn't completely free.

"Not a day goes by that I don't think about what we went through," said Burnham, choking back tears. "It's what defines me now. That's who I am."

Burnham and her husband Martin were missionaries serving in the Phillippines when they were taken hostage by members of the Islamic rebel group Abu Sayyaf in May 2001.

They were kept in the jungle under brutal conditions.

"We starved, we slept on the ground, we walked in the rain," said Burnham. "We didn't know if we would live or die. We didn't know what a day would bring."

After a year of captivity, Burnham was rescued by the Phillipine military, but her husband was killed in the ensuing gun battle.

"I always wondered why the weak one came home, and the strong one died in that last gun battle," said Burnham. "It didn't make any sense to me."

For Burnham, memories of that ordeal have come flooding back with the recent rescue of several hostages in Colombia. Burnham knows all too well the challenges those freed people will face in the coming weeks, months, and years.

"I would just say don't expect too much of yourself," said Burnham. "You're not superhuman, you're going to make mistakes."

When Burnham returned to her Kansas home in the summer of 2002, she felt paralyzed by normal, everyday decisions. She had grown accustomed to being told what to do. Thinking for herself seemed foreign.

She met with a counselor from the U.S. State Department.

"He said, 'You know, Gracia, for a year, they've told you what to do, they told you where you can sit, what you can say, where to sleep, where to go to the bathroom. Now you're free and you need to start to begin making decisions for yourself. And when you can't, you need to have someone that you trust, who will make decisions for you,'" Burnham recalled.

Though her captors had robbed her of so much -- her freedom, her husband, a year with her three children -- Burnham still felt a strong connection with the rebels.

"The bad guys are the ones feeding you and allowing you to go to the river for a bath," said Burnham. "So, in a weird way, they almost became our family for that year."

It took three years before a "new normal" -- as Burnham calls it -- could take shape in her life. She credits her strong faith and loving family.

"My kids used to ask me, 'Mom, when will we be a normal family again?'" said Burnham. "And I told them, maybe we're not going to be normal. Is that OK?"

It's more than OK, say her loved-ones. They're just happy she's home.