Dave's Letter to the Elder Wisdom Circle
Dec. 24, 2006 — -- Hello Dave,
Thank you for using ElderWisdomCircle.org to seek advice. The Elder's reply is below.
TITLE: My life is shrouded by uncertainty
LETTER NUMBER: 63309
YOUR ORIGINAL QUESTION: I am Dave.Just so that you know a little about me: I turned 20 years old in April. My daily habits include playing video games, hanging out with friends, surfing the internet and smoking marijuana (responsibly).
Honestly, I'm just like most any suburbian guy living in America. Well, I think it's about time I grew up. I am at a crossroad now and it seems that my care-free lifestyle so far has [led] up to a final showdown with fate. The main reason I've gotten as far as I have now, is becuase I have a family that has been pushing and pushing me to get here.
Recently, I've been trying to improve my life not for my parents, but for ME instead. It took me a long time to realize it, but I haven't been doing any of this for my parents, I'm doing it for me (and now that I think of it, they've been telling me that all along).
So here's the problem:
I've been going straight from school to work and if not that, I exercise, hang out with friends or make an attempt to do homework (which either never gets done, is late, or done at the last minute). It seems that no matter how much I want to try really hard on something, I only allow myself to put forth minimum effort to get by (school and college is a big example of this).
For example: I love acting, so I put self in acting classes and built debt in doing so. I then decided to try modeling, to use as a stepping stone to get to acting, but have been rejected twice already. I know for a fact that if I really wanted the results I craved, then I could have done so much more and put in tons more effort, but I didn't.. why?
I wish I could put forth all of my effort in all the things I do.
I'm taking Calculus 2 and 3 of other difficult classes this simester and I know I can not get the sopposovly possible 'A' grade if I keep this up! I need straight A's this [semester] to get into UMD College Park's Business School.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my past due to laziness and procrastination. I'm the only one of my childhood friends who have come this far. I know I can reach my goals, but it seems that due to my lifestyle over the years, I have grown accustomed to lacking the will to do so.
These next few months can mean everything to me if I can just pull myself together, but how can I make this change from a teenager to adulthood?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and putting forth the effort to help me.
ELDER RESPONSE: The fact that you're searching for a way to become adult, Dave, is a step in the right direction. How can you change from a teen to an adult? Your letter indicates that you have decided to start your journey but are slowed by laziness, procrastination, and "avoidance" activities like video games, surfing the net, hanging out, and clouding your brain with pot. What's with that?
How do you "jump start" yourself? First you must realize that only one person can make you succeed -- YOU. The responsibility is squarely on your shoulders.
You must set realistic priorities. Sounds like keeping your job and getting an "A" in math are priorities. Then decide what must be done to meet these priorities. When you're done with work and school, you have to chose activities that allow you to meet your priorities. Perhaps it means you can't play at video games, surfing the net, hanging out or smoking pot UNTIL you finish your homework and other responsibilities.
Yes, your daily habits have to change from those of a teen to those of a successful young adult, Dave. You have to finish schoolwork on time and budget time before exams for study. You may find you must change your daily routine and develop some better habits. It will be awkward and difficult at first but you can do it.
I think I may sense a little of a perfectionistic attitude here. It goes like this -- "if I have an excuse for not trying my best the product I produce isn't really representative of what I could do if I tried so I didn't really fail". Are you a bit of a perfectionist? Check www.dundee.ac.uk/counselling/leaflets/perfect.htm. to see characteristics and cures.
Here's the hard part -- get things done well and on time. Give it a good effort not a mediocre one or such an elaborate one so that the project doesn't get done. If you fail, you have learned one thing that doesn't work -- at least you've learned something. (Failures are learning opportunities.) Try again. Once you accomplish a few things well, your confidence will grow. You'll KNOW you can do it! And you'll have a repertoire of past accomplishments to refer to whenever you start a daunting new project.
"I HAVE NOT FAILED. I'VE JUST FOUND 10,000 WAYS THAT WON'T WORK."Thomas A. Edison
Decisions you make now will affect the rest of your life. This is the time of life most people either get an college education or climbing the career ladder. People who don't often get trapped in poor paying dead end jobs with bad benefits for a lifetime.
I worry that the pot smoking is adding to your problem. The jury seems to be out about the effects of pot smoking. However, as a former teacher, I am convinced that there is some truth to the idea that pot smoking interferes with logical thinking and concentration. I have also read that it messes with the hormones that affect growth and development. This is a potential problem to you since you're only 20. It's a fact that we humans continue to grow into our mid-20's. The brain especially grows after the teen years. You may look and feel fully mature but you're not quite there yet.
Hope my ideas help get you successfully on your way! Feel free to contact me with comments, questions, or updates.
GOOD LUCK!
Best Regards,
PicklesMarie
Date Requested: 09/05/2006
Response Date: 09/09/2006
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