Aggressive Parents Causing Trouble in Classroom

May 6, 2005 — -- While overbearing parents have been known to lose control on their kids' sports fields, what sometimes happens inside the classroom is even worse.

"I have had a parent come in and threaten me," said Lee Alvoid, a retired principal in suburban Dallas. "And I did have to call the police."

Last month, a Texas high school football coach was shot, allegedly by a player's father in the school's field house. The father was said to be upset about the way his son was treated by teammates.

The school district in Issaquah, Wash., implemented a "civility policy" in 2001 after parent-teacher relations became excessively confrontational. And teachers in Philadelphia take conflict resolution courses and parents are encouraged to express their concerns more constructively.

Educators say problems can start as early as kindergarten, with overzealous parents doing their kids' homework, constantly e-mailing teachers and demanding explanations for grades they don't like.

"We want them to be concerned about their kid," said Kirk Daddow, who has taught advanced placement history in Iowa for 38 years. "But when it goes beyond that, when they're trying to pressure teachers to do certain things -- to change grades, things like that -- they're going way beyond the bounds."

According to the Consortium for Policy Research in Education, 46 percent of new teachers leave the profession within the first five years. New teachers are most likely to say communicating with parents is their biggest challenge, the study found.

But many parents -- like Joe Zillo of Maryland -- say they have every right to lobby for their children.

"We are not screamers," he said. "We are merely parents asking to be heard. It's our children. We are your customers. Listen to us."

Entitled to Ivy League?

Part of the problem, particularly in more affluent areas, is the growing pressure to get into a top-level college -- even if that goal is unrealistic.

Alvoid says baby boomer parents around Dallas -- where she taught for 32 years -- think their children are entitled to attend Ivy League institutions.

"They tend to live their lives a little bit vicariously through their students," she said, "and it's about their prestige within the group rather than what's going to end up happening for the student."

The problem, says Lisa Jacobson, chief executive of the tutoring and test preparation business Inspirica, may not improve until there are fewer students vying for college slots.

Until then, she said, "The best advice I can give to parents is to take a deep breath and question yourself: Where is it appropriate to intervene? And where can you let your children fail?"

Never letting a child experience failure, say education specialists, is the biggest mistake a parent can make.

ABC News' Kate Snow filed this report for "World News Tonight."