EXCERPT: 'Why Hasn't He Called?'

Feb. 8, 2008— -- With Valentine's Day fast approaching, many singles are scrambling for a date. But what about those who are looking for more? When dates end up nowhere, how do you know if you're doing something wrong? GMA NOW found just the right book to help change your tragic dating tales into the story of how you first met.

Please find an excerpt of "Why Hasn't He Called?" by Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal below:

Chapter One: Secrets of the Boys Club

{A}A First Date

Somewhere in Manhattan a first date is taking place at a trendy lounge over drinks. Here are the undisputed facts:

1) Both parties are interested in each other on some level.

2) They agreed on a time and location.

In the world of dating and relationships, this is about as far as undisputed facts go when it comes to a man and woman meeting for the first time.

We have her version and we have his version of the first date. Let's compare the two.

{B}Her Version:He was right on time and already had a table (he must have called ahead because it was the best table in the place, that's thoughtful; he must think I'm special).

He looked really good. I wonder how he had time to go home, shower, shave, change clothes, and still get here on time. He did that all for me, wow.

The conversation was effortless; he seemed to be interested in every word I had to say. He kept asking me if I needed anything more to drink, what a gentleman! He is so responsible; he told me that he only had until 10 p.m. because he had an early morning presentation. I love a guy with a career focus.

He mentioned his parents, so he is definitely not opposed to marriage. When the date ended we even walked for a while talking about anything that popped into our heads, it was so romantic. When it was time for him to go in the other direction, he looked me right in the eyes and told me he had a great time and would call me soon. He leaned over to kiss me, and I turned my cheek. I remembered to never kiss on a first date, so he just smiled and said good night. What a wonderful end to a perfect date! I can't wait for him to call.

{B}His Version:I was on my way home last night when I remembered that I had promised to meet this girl after work. I was going to cancel, but what the hell; you never know what could happen. Luckily, I had my overnight stuff in the trunk from the past weekend, which I spent romping with some chick I sleep with upstate. So, I grabbed my electric razor and ran it over my face and then put on a semi-clean Polo shirt and my two-day-old jeans, not bad for changing in the backseat!

I actually got there 10 minutes early. The place was packed, so I thought me and whatever-her-name-was would have to stand. Then I remembered: "Oh yeah, her name is Sheila, can't forget that. Damn!" I was about to walk up to the bar when I noticed how hot the hostess was, so I thought I would strike up a conversation. This girl was so awesome, not only did I get her number; she gave me the best table in the place. Sheila showed up and yeah, she was attractive, but not as hot as I had remembered. God, what was I thinking when I agreed to this date? I must have been hammered. She talked so much I think that I went into a hypnotic trance while I was staring her dead in the face. I tried to get her drunk, but she wasn't a drinker. I was in the flames of hell with a mediocre yapper.

I had no other choice but to play the "big presentation at work" card. It worked like a charm. I thought I would make a clean break until she kept following me almost back to my place. I couldn't lose her! Finally, I picked a random street that was close to my apartment, just to get away from her. When I stopped to say good-bye, she actually didn't look half bad. It must have been the street light hitting her face at just the right angle. So I thought, "What the hell, she probably doesn't look that bad from behind either." Maybe if I kissed her passionately she might get turned on enough for me to take her back to my place. As I went to kiss her she "cheeked" me. I couldn't believe it. Well, that was the last straw. I told her I'd give her a call…yeah right.

{B}Matt

Does "The First Date" sound familiar? It should, because it happens more times in the land of Singleville than we care to admit. Every week, Tamsen and I talk to dozens of women who ask us the same questions over and over again: What is he thinking? Does he like me? WHY HASN'T HE CALLED?!

In this chapter you will become privy to some of the best kept secrets of the Boys Club, like the two categories men use to define every woman they meet. (That's right, there are only two. We're not all that complicated.) In addition, we'll spend some time dissecting "The First Date," to point out all of the red flags that were waiving in that poor gal's face. Finally, we'll give you a cheat sheet that describes each of the different kinds of players you'll be up against as you take to the field. And throughout this chapter and the chapters that follow, whenever a potential pitfall crops up, we'll provide you with a tried-and-true solution to the dilemma.

{B}Welcome to the Boys Club

The first thing you should know about the Boys Club is that its members have a bond that is virtually unbreakable. Their loyalty to each other runs deeper than the deepest trenches of the ocean. Their code of silence rivals the famous Costa Nostra mentality of the mob. They will lie, cheat and steal on behalf of each other with the ease of an Enron exec. You'd think with all of the sacrifice, risk and complete loyalty required of its members, the standards of admission would be higher than those of the Oval Office itself. Not so. The fact is the only membership requirement is having a "little member" of your own. That "little member" tends to control the men they are attached to and has the ability to take over all the thought processes of their hosts, especially when in close proximity to attractive bimbo-like females.

In all seriousness, men cover up for each other because it's in their genetic makeup to do so. Monogamy is a socially learned behavior that the male species does not readily embrace. Think about it. Historically, man's role has been to run around the forest and propagate the species by impregnating as many women as possible. With the introduction of "morality cages," such as monogamy, marriage and commitment, men's instinctive sexual impulses are stopped dead in their tracks. For example, when a guy who is in a relationship sees another woman he would like to sleep with, his instinct to go after her is so strong it temporarily blocks out his morality. The good news is more mature guys are able to keep these thoughts tightly locked away in their "morality cages." Their thoughts never become actions. Now the bad news: this lock-down brings about a feeling of complete frustration. All guys experience this frustration. A common way to ease this feeling and rebel, while still keeping their own cages tightly locked up is to help let a friend out of his "morality cage," for an affair or a one-night stand.

So, to sum it all up, the Boys Club is the product of male rebellious behavior that's a result of society trying to civilize and control the sexual instincts of a man. It's their common feelings of frustration that causes men to band together and assist each other by lying, cheating or keeping silent in order to obtain the ultimate goal: sex with a girl who is neither wife nor girlfriend.

The Totem Pole Theory

Have you heard of the Totem Pole Theory? Well, if you haven't, I want to make sure you have it down in black and white so that the next time you ask your best friend, "Why Hasn't He Called?" the Totem Pole Theory will answer the question for you.

All men have a subconscious totem pole that dictates what they will give their attention to in a given day or place in time. This means there are key parts of a man's life that are in a certain pecking order of importance and where you sit on his totem pole depends on several things including: his availability, his attraction to you, your behavior and above all timing. Is he ready for a girlfriend? Is he happy with his career? Did he just get out of a terrible relationship? Is he about to move to the other coast?

According to my Totem Pole Theory, this is the pecking order, even after you have had a first date with him:

1. His career

2. His friends

3. The current girl he is sleeping with (don't be naïve)

4. His dog

5. You

You are the low man or in this case woman on the totem pole, but this is not something to be offended over, in fact it's just the opposite.

When you enter a guy's life, it already has multiple moving parts, just as yours should.You have to be patient and allow him (not you) to put you where he feels you fit. Your placement will be determined by the way in which you conduct yourself during the first stages of your relationship. Forcing yourself on him, pressuring him and constantly being available will merit a low placement (somewhere around where his pet fits into his life). Patience, independence and always being a challenge will translate into first position, the place all women strive to achieve. You may not be his priority at the moment, and as a matter of fact, you shouldn't be! Keep your ego in check! He doesn't know yet that you are "the end all and be all" of everything. Give him a chance to see how amazing you are.

Additionally, be aware of guys that move women up the totem pole solely based on their appearance. These guys tend to lose interest quickly. Also watch out for the guy that drops everything and moves a woman up the totem pole after a first date, if this happens, you better run. This is a warning sign of a dependent, needy man.

The best relationships are the ones that take a little time to get up the pole.

Copyright McGraw Hill. Reprinted with permission.

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