Sticks and Stones: Are Names Hurting Us?

May 16, 2008 — -- Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. But are they hurting us as a nation? While enjoying a walk through picturesque Manhattan last week, I came across a myriad of prejudices that played out on the New York stage of life in one-act vignettes.

First, as I left my apartment in da Meatpacking District, I came across two antagonistic gay gentlemen and an irate pedi-cad operator engaged in an argument. As the two gays scurried off in a yellow cab, the pedi-cab driver taunted in true redneck style: "FAGGOTS!!"

It rang through my ears and disgusted me. It sounded so silly and childish, especially when the gays responded with: "HETERO!!" as they whisked off, probably to some fab dinner, where this story would become nothing more than bitchy banter over dessert. After all, what middle-aged gay guy hasn't been called faggot more times then he can count and probably a dozen times today by his friends? But that's OK -- or is it?

If peers can barrage each other with otherwise hurtful and insulting names, then how is someone else supposed to understand the undefined boundaries of what's appropriate and what's not?

A bit saddened by the uncivil nature of this last encounter, I headed into the subway to go uptown for a refreshing walk in Central Park. As I was still waiting for the train, I hear some man screaming, "I'm a black man - you can't talk to me like I'm nothing, you N******!!" He was shouting at the booth agent who, by the way, would also be characterized as a black man.

But it was the angry tone in his voice that made this encounter not okay as compared to the two homeboyz joking as they laughed, "Oh N**** please," as one boasted to his friend about his conquest of "dat HO, Amber." I remorsefully chuckled as I thought of these conflicting ironies: he slept with her and is giving a play-by-play to his friend, but she is referred to as "dat HO, Amber."

How insensitive and disrespectful we have become when we speak of others! It seems like we've emotionally made so much change in our day-to-day language that there is a very fine undefined line between funny, acceptable, hurtful and unacceptable.